Quilting when you're angry/hurt/upset
12-07-2010, 10:34 AM
#43
Senior Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: North Ogden, Utah
Posts: 545
Originally Posted by SherriB
I can't. For some reason, I would associate that item with the hurt I was feeling and never touch it again. I am weird like that.
Now making bread is just the opposite for me- I can knead bread and pound it out with never a care that my anger is going to show up in the baked loaf. Maybe it's the cleansing part of it being baked.
12-07-2010, 12:16 PM
#44
Super Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Jacksonville, FL
Posts: 1,389
I used to slam cabinet doors ... that always felt good. Not so hard as to cause them damage just enough to make enough noise to say 'I'm angry'.
Since my DH's stroke I do almost anything to avoid confrontation because he has so little control over his anger. He's not violent or anything but sometimes things come out with a 'look that could kill' or sounding really angry. Now when this happens, I just turn around and go into my sewing room and stay there.
Sometimes he comes in later and says he's sorry, other times he asks what's wrong because he doesn't even realize how what he said sounded. The stroke affected his 'complex thinking' skills and when he has to 'think' a lot he gets very tired and short tempered (much like a toddler who needs a nap). It's very hard for someone whose strongest gift was analizing data and implementing procedures to know he can no longer 'think on his feet'.
I don't always sew, often times I turn on the 'boob tube' and just sort of veg out! Other times sewing is therapeutic. I joined the 15 minutes a day thread and am trying to spend at least 15 minutes doing something sewing/quilting related. Last night I realized something that surprised. Although I sewed for more than an hour, I only got the front and back of my bag constructed but haven't started the lining or zipper yet. My mom used to boast that you could wear my things inside out but quality is important to me and it's OK if I take longer. However, I may not be able to make any money off these handbags to supplement our income unless I can stream-line my process.
But if I think of it as therapy ... I guess that counts for something?
Peggy
(brrrrrr in Fla.)
Since my DH's stroke I do almost anything to avoid confrontation because he has so little control over his anger. He's not violent or anything but sometimes things come out with a 'look that could kill' or sounding really angry. Now when this happens, I just turn around and go into my sewing room and stay there.
Sometimes he comes in later and says he's sorry, other times he asks what's wrong because he doesn't even realize how what he said sounded. The stroke affected his 'complex thinking' skills and when he has to 'think' a lot he gets very tired and short tempered (much like a toddler who needs a nap). It's very hard for someone whose strongest gift was analizing data and implementing procedures to know he can no longer 'think on his feet'.
I don't always sew, often times I turn on the 'boob tube' and just sort of veg out! Other times sewing is therapeutic. I joined the 15 minutes a day thread and am trying to spend at least 15 minutes doing something sewing/quilting related. Last night I realized something that surprised. Although I sewed for more than an hour, I only got the front and back of my bag constructed but haven't started the lining or zipper yet. My mom used to boast that you could wear my things inside out but quality is important to me and it's OK if I take longer. However, I may not be able to make any money off these handbags to supplement our income unless I can stream-line my process.
But if I think of it as therapy ... I guess that counts for something?
Peggy
(brrrrrr in Fla.)
12-07-2010, 02:35 PM
#45
Super Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Tucker, GA
Posts: 2,042
No, No, and absolutely NO WAY NNNNOOOOOOO!!!!!! I realize that I am in the minority but experience has taught me that my accuracy of anything----cutting, drafting, sewing, you name it----is at best unreliable and at worst, downright comical when I'm upset. However....I will design something new if I'm in the mood (usually not!) but then I mark it with the date and the mood I was in, and a note to self to doublecheck absolutely everything before ever starting it!
12-07-2010, 03:12 PM
#46
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 357
When I'm angry or upset I can't concentrate. I'm here looking at all my WIP's and crying yet again.
Six years ago I left everything behind (career, family, support network and country) to be with a smooth talking guy (lot of vague answers to my questions and lots of vague promises). We married nearly five years ago and it's never been smooth sailing. Because we live in two places, he has work but I can't unless it's portable.
Married less than 1 1/2 years, he found a new g/f. I confronted him and he swore it was a mistake and would not be repeated. Along with that he began to drink progressively more heavily. It's now a very isolating existence and this summer I didn't travel with him (my nightly entertainment would be to listen to him drunk dialing). We met up for his daughter's wedding and he brought up divorce. Every time he's unhappy he decides getting rid of me will make him feel better. Oh yeah, and swore no new g/f, turns out it was a lie. So even though we didn't marry for the first two years we knew each other, it turns out I got a lying, cheating, drunk. The three things I swore I'd never have in my marriage. But I'm the problem, because I speak up.
And now that my future is gone (emotionally and financially, good luck getting my career back), I'm immobilized. I'm highly educated and had a great career going, just believed in someone else's view of the future. For the first time in a life that I've always taken care of without help from anyone, I'm scared.
But I'll do whatever it takes to not invest a single day more in this than I absolutely have to, I'm worth more than that no matter what he talks himself into believing.
And when I can finally concentrate on quilts, they'll be more special.
I suppose I spewed all this as my way of saying FVGoddess, NEVER look back at the man who doesn't treat you well. And keep expressing yourself by creating things of beauty to send out into the world.
And to everyone who sees this, thank you for indulging me, I have no one to go to and once in awhile it all just gets to be more than I can handle. I don't normally have a need to share my private life, but I guess this pushed my buttons today.
Six years ago I left everything behind (career, family, support network and country) to be with a smooth talking guy (lot of vague answers to my questions and lots of vague promises). We married nearly five years ago and it's never been smooth sailing. Because we live in two places, he has work but I can't unless it's portable.
Married less than 1 1/2 years, he found a new g/f. I confronted him and he swore it was a mistake and would not be repeated. Along with that he began to drink progressively more heavily. It's now a very isolating existence and this summer I didn't travel with him (my nightly entertainment would be to listen to him drunk dialing). We met up for his daughter's wedding and he brought up divorce. Every time he's unhappy he decides getting rid of me will make him feel better. Oh yeah, and swore no new g/f, turns out it was a lie. So even though we didn't marry for the first two years we knew each other, it turns out I got a lying, cheating, drunk. The three things I swore I'd never have in my marriage. But I'm the problem, because I speak up.
And now that my future is gone (emotionally and financially, good luck getting my career back), I'm immobilized. I'm highly educated and had a great career going, just believed in someone else's view of the future. For the first time in a life that I've always taken care of without help from anyone, I'm scared.
But I'll do whatever it takes to not invest a single day more in this than I absolutely have to, I'm worth more than that no matter what he talks himself into believing.
And when I can finally concentrate on quilts, they'll be more special.
I suppose I spewed all this as my way of saying FVGoddess, NEVER look back at the man who doesn't treat you well. And keep expressing yourself by creating things of beauty to send out into the world.
And to everyone who sees this, thank you for indulging me, I have no one to go to and once in awhile it all just gets to be more than I can handle. I don't normally have a need to share my private life, but I guess this pushed my buttons today.
12-07-2010, 03:44 PM
#47
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Beaverton,Michigan
Posts: 802
Quilting is my therapy, when I'm upset or worried about something or DH is trying to argue I just say I'm going upstairs. Sewing , cutting planning etc. relaxes me. The quilt in my avatar is one I just finished for my neice for Christmas.
12-07-2010, 04:45 PM
#48
Super Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Galveston Texas
Posts: 1,596
Originally Posted by Flying_V_Goddess
Originally Posted by cjomomma
LOL!!! When I am angry I get the rotary cutter out and some fabric out and start cutting sq's or stripes. It seems to calm me down and with OCD and anxiety I need to settle as fast as possible.
Woke up this morning after having nightmares. Remembered the crap with the ex. Suddenly I felt like cutting the fabric I have been putting off. It was a little more satisfying to use that rotary cutter. :thumbup:
12-07-2010, 05:00 PM
#50
Super Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Chili, New York (Rochester)
Posts: 1,147
Woke up this morning after having nightmares. Remembered the crap with the ex. Suddenly I felt like cutting the fabric I have been putting off. It was a little more satisfying to use that rotary cutter. [/color] :thumbup:
Take your peace and run with it. Being peaceful in your own mind is revenge enough. You can't undo anything, you can only take care of YOU. Remember, it's not your job to fix HIM.
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