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Thread: she won't use the quilt

  1. #1
    Power Poster ckcowl's Avatar
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    we all talk about this off and on, we make a special quilt for a special person and the person ooohs and ahhhhhhhs over it then hides it ...never to be seen again.
    the first one i made for my mom, an appliqued teapot quilt...she would not use, i told her i made it for your bed mom, use the quilt mom, i'm going to just take it back if you don't like it mom...
    when i would stop by she would run down the hall get the quilt bring it out and drape it over something ...to show...then she would put it away again. well 5 years went by and i made her a second quilt...thinking maybe she will use it if she has two...
    she had broke her hip, i went in cleaned her room washed her bedding and put the new quilt on her bed for when she returned home from the hospital; thinking when she saw how good it looked on the bed...
    she couldn't get into that bed...with that quilt on it...something might happen to it....so;
    the teapot went on the bed (FINALLY!) so, i guess i just have to 'rotate' them every few years :thumbup:
    kids are the opposite...mom wants to save a quilt, the kids keep getting them back out...they know what they are for :)

  2. #2
    Super Member Favorite Fabrics's Avatar
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    This doesn't take the sting away... but I do understand where you're coming from!

    I'm sorry; it's so disappointing and upsetting when you invest so much of yourself in a gift, and the recipient just doesn't love it or use it the way you would have liked.

    It's kind of like raising kids, isn't it? You invest all this love and... well, the response is ... variable.

    Hopefully you enjoyed the process of creating the quilt. I guess we have to take our joy from that. Anything extra is a wonderful bonus.

  3. #3
    Super Member Quilter7x's Avatar
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    :lol: I love the idea of rotating the quilts. I'm with you 100% - when I make a quilt for someone, I expect it to be used. I carefully tie off all thread ends and bury the knots and a little extra thread inside so the knots don't come loose. This way they can stand lots of washing.

    Wall hangings on the other hand are different. I don't always wash fabrics used in wall hangings and they are not meant for repeated washings.

    Bed quilts can definitely take lots of washings and lots of use. :)

  4. #4
    quiltilicious's Avatar
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    I slaved over a drunkard's path for my MIL for Xmas a few years ago - she also refuses to put it on the bed - but since FIL has a very serious incontinence problem, I can't blame her!

  5. #5
    Super Member quiltinghere's Avatar
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    Perhaps your mom is of the AGE of the depression and they save everything...

    It's not like she doesn't like it - she just doesn't want to use it and 'ruin it' - she wants to 'save it'.

  6. #6
    Super Member quilttiludrop's Avatar
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    My mother-in-law was like that. She kept "nice" things in the closet. She took the "good" bedspread off the bed before sleeping in the bed, and wouldn't allow anyone to sit on it. It's a very old-fashioned value.

  7. #7
    DJ
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    My joy is in the making/giving. It's up to the recipient to get their own joy in recieiving/using/storing/whatever. It can be disappointing if it's not used the way you intended, but that's just the glory of our differences.

  8. #8
    Power Poster dkabasketlady's Avatar
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    I'm glad my DM isn't like that. Yes, my DM quilts too, in fact she's the one that got me ADDICTED. I made a special quilt for her and she proudly has it on the bed every day. She also has a dear friend that threatens to "steal" , I mean "borrow" the quilt when they're back up north for the summers,lol!!! They have each others house keys and at least she'd know where it was.

  9. #9
    janedennis's Avatar
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    I think your mom wanted to save it cause it was special, YOU made it. I have several my mother painstakingly hand embroidered every block and the thought of using them scares me. Things wear out and then they have to be thrown out. I have such an animal with the first one she made me. It is about worn out the other two have not been used, wrapped in special tissue paper and put away, My mother has since left this world and will never make another one, I would be so upset if i wore out the other two. They mean that much to me cause she made them. If special company are coming i then put them on the bed to display. Maybe your mom feels that way too.

  10. #10
    Power Poster sueisallaboutquilts's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by quiltinghere
    Perhaps your mom is of the AGE of the depression and they save everything...

    It's not like she doesn't like it - she just doesn't want to use it and 'ruin it' - she wants to 'save it'.
    I was thinking the same thing!! I made my parents a 50th anniversary quilt. They flipped over it- all the signature blocks etc.
    Well I put it on my Dad who was watching TV and was always cold. My Mom snatched it up and said "He'll ruin it". HUH????
    But he made her a beautiful ladder-type thing to display it on.
    Oh well............... I have to admit it looks beautiful in their dining room and I know it is loved. But that's about as used as it's ever going to get ! LOL

  11. #11
    Super Member raptureready's Avatar
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    I made a jar quilt for DD for her 10th birthday present. It's very different from most jar quilts, I didn't have a pattern, was new to quilting and didn't know what I was doing.
    http://www.threadsoftimefab.com click on projects, scroll down to Alfreda Hopper and click on the pix to enlarge it.
    There's a blank space on the top shelf--the jar of frogs fell off and broke, and now little frogs are everywhere. Okay. DH said, "Don't give it to her until she's old enough to take good care of it." I said no that I wanted her to wallow, roll, drag, whatever she wanted to do with her quilt as long as she loved it. I gave him over a year ago for his 60th birthday and he hasn't spent a night without it since. LOL Both are still looking good.

  12. #12
    Super Member Lori S's Avatar
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    I know exactly what you mean. It makes me crazy that all the time, expense, and loving thoughts while making it ... and it just sits in a closest.
    Everyone tells me that it is because they do not want it to get ruined, or they say its because it is too precious for use!
    I try to explain that I intended for it to be "consumed" in my lifetime, and not left for someone who may never have known me or the person I made it ..to "consume" it possibly in the bottom of a dog bed or covering something in the garage. Once I explain it that way .. I see more of them being used.

  13. #13
    Junior Member fsmcm's Avatar
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    Which begs the question . . . what are they saving it for? A special occasion? Everyday is a special occasion. When I'm dead and gone, no one will want the stuff that is saved and never used, it's the stuff they are familiar with that has meaning, be it a teacup, a scarf, a quilt, whatever.

    When I make a quilt for a child, I give it to the child, not the parent, and tell the child that it is to be used and abused. It will mean more to them than hanging on a wall. Besides, if a quilt wears out, then I can make another.

  14. #14
    mlaceruby's Avatar
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    My mother is like that too!
    but not just about quilts she puts everything away that we give her!
    Then after a few months or years she gives it away!

  15. #15
    Moderator littlehud's Avatar
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    Mine have all been used except the one I made for DD boyfriend. He loved it but has it stored in his closet. He told her if someone makes a quilt for you it's a family heirloom and needs to be protected and not uses. She can't convince him different. I made quilts for his DD and his new wife and DM and her new husband for Christmas this year and they both use them and love them. Oh well.

  16. #16
    Super Member Grammy o'5's Avatar
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    It may be that she thinks it is too special to use it for everyday. A friend of mine paid for the fabric & batting for a quilt for his girlfriend using Betty Boop prints (she loves Betty Boop). It was the biggest quilt I ever made, queen size to the floor on each side. She keeps it in the box because she doesn't want it to get ruined, dirty or "worn out". But she does love it!!

  17. #17
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    I think this says it all.

    A friend of mine opened his wife's underwear drawer and picked up a silk paper wrapped package:

    'This, - he said - isn't any ordinary package.'

    He unwrapped the box and stared at both the silk paper and the box.

    'She got this the first time we went to New York , 8 or 9 years ago. She has never put it on and was saving it for a special occasion.

    Well, this is it.

    He got near the bed and placed the gift box next to the other clothing he was taking to the funeral home, his wife had just died.

    He turned to me and said:

    'Never save something for a special occasion.

    Every day in your life is a special occasion'.

    I still think those words changed my life.

    Now I read more and clean less.

    I sit on the porch without worrying about anything.

    I spend more time with my family, and less at work.

    I understand now that life should be a source of experience to be lived up to, not survived through.

    I no longer keep anything.

    I use crystal glasses every day...

    I'll wear new clothes to go to the supermarket if I feel like it.

    I don't save my special perfume for special occasions, I use it whenever I want to.

    The words 'Someday' and 'One Day'...are fading away from my dictionary.
    ;
    If it's worth seeing, listening or doing, I want to see, listen or do it now....

    I don't know what my friend's wife would have done if she knew she wouldn't be there the next morning, this nobody can tell.

    I think she might have called her relatives and closest friends.
    She might call old friends to make peace over past quarrels.

    I'd like to think she would go out for Chinese, her favorite food.

    It's these small things that I would regret not doing, if I knew my time had come..

    Each day, each hour, each minute, is special.

    Live for today, for tomorrow is not promised to anyone..

  18. #18
    Super Member Grammy o'5's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by raptureready
    I made a jar quilt for DD for her 10th birthday present. It's very different from most jar quilts, I didn't have a pattern, was new to quilting and didn't know what I was doing.
    http://www.threadsoftimefab.com click on projects, scroll down to Alfreda Hopper and click on the pix to enlarge it.
    There's a blank space on the top shelf--the jar of frogs fell off and broke, and now little frogs are everywhere. Okay. DH said, "Don't give it to her until she's old enough to take good care of it." I said no that I wanted her to wallow, roll, drag, whatever she wanted to do with her quilt as long as she loved it. I gave him over a year ago for his 60th birthday and he hasn't spent a night without it since. LOL Both are still looking good.
    Very unusual quilt and very pretty!!!!

  19. #19
    Power Poster sueisallaboutquilts's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fsmcm
    Which begs the question . . . what are they saving it for? A special occasion? Everyday is a special occasion. When I'm dead and gone, no one will want the stuff that is saved and never used, it's the stuff they are familiar with that has meaning, be it a teacup, a scarf, a quilt, whatever.

    When I make a quilt for a child, I give it to the child, not the parent, and tell the child that it is to be used and abused. It will mean more to them than hanging on a wall. Besides, if a quilt wears out, then I can make another.
    Yes, that's a good question. Back in my Mom's day it seems a lot of people saved things for "good" which to me means never LOL
    When things get put away they may stay there. I agree with you- EVERYDAY is a special occasion!!!!!!! :thumbup:
    My Mom is pretty open-minded on a lot of things but when it comes to her "Great Depression" mentality I just accept that "that's Mom". She does use other quilts I've made her though so I can't complain about the anniversary quilt :D

  20. #20
    ruthieg's Avatar
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    I have many quilts my DM made for me before she passed on. She taught me many of my quilting skills. I have quilts that I use and quilts that I use on display because they are smaller. But the quilts my DD makes I use all of the time. We are like sisters and enjoy quilting together even if it is on the phone. She is a fourth generation quilter.

  21. #21
    Power Poster BellaBoo's Avatar
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    Save it for good is a term I heard all my childhood. I had to change out of school clothes the minute I came home, Sunday clothes were only wore on Sunday. Good shoes were only wore with the Sunday clothes. I had to take care of what I had because more was not an option. That scared me to not want to use anything nice I had. When my great aunt died I found many drawers full of items being saved for good, Goodwill for most of them.

  22. #22
    Super Member KatFish's Avatar
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    My first quilt that I made was a Grandm's Flower Garden. I made it out of muslin and flanel shirts from my two grandfathers who are no longer with me, and from the shirts of my two brothers, dad, and my hubby. I call it all the men in my life. I have since added a square on the back made from my uncle's shirt when he passed away. I just can't bring myself to use this quilt. I wrap up in it when I want a hug from my uncle and grandpa's, but still, I just can't replace the shirts, so I can't use it.

  23. #23
    quiltilicious's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KatFish
    My first quilt that I made was a Grandm's Flower Garden. I made it out of muslin and flanel shirts from my two grandfathers who are no longer with me, and from the shirts of my two brothers, dad, and my hubby. I call it all the men in my life. I have since added a square on the back made from my uncle's shirt when he passed away. I just can't bring myself to use this quilt. I wrap up in it when I want a hug from my uncle and grandpa's, but still, I just can't replace the shirts, so I can't use it.
    You *do* use it - to wrap up in when you want a hug from your men! Just because you don't use it every day doesn't mean it's not used.

  24. #24
    Super Member quiltsRfun's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by quiltinghere
    Perhaps your mom is of the AGE of the depression and they save everything...

    It's not like she doesn't like it - she just doesn't want to use it and 'ruin it' - she wants to 'save it'.
    I agree. Whenever my grandmother received a nice gift she put it in her trunk with all her prized possessions. I never felt she didn't appreciate the gifts but that they were something special she wanted to be safe.

  25. #25
    Super Member Lori S's Avatar
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    [quote=BellaBoo]Save it for good is a term I heard all my childhood. I had to change out of school clothes the minute I came home, Sunday clothes were only wore on Sunday. Good shoes were only wore with the Sunday clothes. I had to take care of what I had because more was not an option.
    That scared me to not want to use anything nice I had.

    I read this message , and thought I could have written those exact words. I still have this impulse to "save it for good". I realized how badly it affected me this year. I typically pruchase some summer clothing at the end of the season ( good sales). This year I opened my container of summer clothes and found several items purchased in years past that I had been "saving for good". All still had the price tags on them because that is how I signal to myself ..."is this a good enough occasion to wear something new?". And it was abvious that the answer had always been ... no not yet.
    I am always trying now to be concious of this mind set, and bring about some change and tell myself "Now is good enough! ".

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