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Thread: To stay or go...Applique Bee

  1. #26
    Super Member watson's mom's Avatar
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    I just quit a guild that I joined last summer. Most of the meetings were o.k. but some were full of arguing. This week was the last straw. So much bickering over nonsense. I had just paid my dues too, so I asked for my cheque back and left at the break. I really like some of the ladies but when it's not fun anymore what's the use in staying. You should think about forming your own group and don't allow any negative gossip. Good luck.

  2. #27
    Super Member Annaquilts's Avatar
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    Been there done that. I stopped going to a quilt group at a famous store because of the negativitiy especially the man bashing. The sad part was I think only a couple of the ladies were rotten apples but dominated everything. Then I had my own group for about 6 years but eventually the ladies that came mostly came to sit, talk and have a glass of wine. I ended up providing wine, cheese and chocolate. It was fun but I still have to quilt. So now I am at another shop but it also has some of that going on. The man bashing seems to be from people that have been divorced for some time. I am not saying their pain and complains are not legit it is just maybe not the appropriate place or atleast not weekly. I am still going because at least these ladies quilt. I guess you have to weigh it off or maybe try not going for some time and see how you feel about it. I would not make a big excit and say to much. It sounds like they are happy with the way it is. I agree on maybe finding another time to meet up with some of the women in that group that do not have that negative attitude. Sorry to hear this is so prevalent.

  3. #28
    Super Member RkayD's Avatar
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    find another group or better yet..Learn to trust yourself and follow your passion. =)

  4. #29
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    I've been thinking about this since I posted this morning. Still haven't come to a definite decision. I tend to agree that something should be said. The organizer isn't the hostess. And starting my own Bee seems like a good idea, I've got another friend already interested in an open sew someplace else. How do I address my complaint to the organizer? "Dear Lily, I've been meaning to mention this for a while...I am tired of the moaning and bitching? and I am tired of the lack of comraderie?" "I don't feel welcome with these ladies?" I suppose I could just bow out, and not explain. Just say "This isn't working for me"...

  5. #30
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    Theres an old saying ""Misery loves company"" Well its their choice and you are not going to change them. Happiness isn't for everyone If I was in your shoes I'd be walking out and not looking back -As suggested invite the few Happy people from this group to your home Start your own get togethers where the conversations are easy and comfortable The sign on my sewing room door says ""Only Smiles Can Enter Here"" :-)

  6. #31
    Super Member plainpat's Avatar
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    Sounds like you've received good advice.My opinion is to stay away from places & people you dread being around.Seems simple to me,but that's just me.

  7. #32
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    I am probably more than ten yrs older than you, So I can tell you get out. You do not need to waste your time on whine, and B........ Find you a group of women who like to eat chocolate and laugh. If you lived near me I know the very best group.

  8. #33
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    You say they are considerably older? I would leave, lest I become like them! I am a peacemaker naturally, but I have learned the hard way that many people enjoy their whining and don't welcome a sunnier outlook. Seek out the happy people. Maybe there is a good needlewoman in a local nursing home who would enjoy teaching you?

  9. #34
    Senior Member be a quilter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by loves_2_quilt
    I would stop going, don't like being around whiners and complainers all the time.
    I grew up with this attitude from my mom and now I can't stand to be around it. I would definitely find or start another group with the motto, only smiling friendly faces allowed.

  10. #35
    Super Member quilt3311's Avatar
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    I would probably bow out gracefully. Then in a month or two ask the two ladies who have helped you over to see a project you are working on and desperately need their advice. Keep it on task and whatever you do, do not complain about the group. You might express to them that you so appreciate their help and miss their company. Serve them some tea (or other appropriate beverage) and thank them so much for their help. Let it go for a while and then have another problem you need their help with, after a couple times, then suggest you meet to work occasionally. If all this is kept positive, you might work into a group who will really want to sew, not complain. Good luck with this.

  11. #36
    Super Member abdconsultant's Avatar
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    You already know what to do, just do it...your time and creativity are the most important issues here.

    You will master the applique techniques, even if you are self taught.

    Its always fun to have your favorite inspiring group of people to share your projects with and ask for constructive criticism.

    post a topic for applique help here and post pics, you'll get plenty of help.

  12. #37
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    I have had the same problem with my Progressive Rummy Card Club. I handled it much differently than most people would have. We are all Senior Citizens where I live and "complaining and whining" used to be the topic of every meeting, whether cards or sewing club. It is OK to vent your problems a little bit, but it is also OK to stop it.

    The first thing I tried was asking a question. The question: "Is out health conditions the vent of the day." Total silence. I had to do this a couple time, but now when the day starts, we all ask, "What is the vent for the day?" It takes about 5 minutes to bring up their preference. You would be surprised how soon, the venting stops. Now when some one starts, every one ignores her. It only takes a small amount of your time and thought to make a statement to change the subject. Try it, you might like it.




    Quote Originally Posted by Riebejamen
    (hopefully this is the right spot to ask for advice!)
    I belong to an Applique Bee that meets once a month at a specific member's home. The Bee moved from the quilt store, where anyone was welcome to a now limited number. I've belonged to this Bee for 2 1/2 years. All of the ladies are older than I am (10-20 years). It seems that all they do is complain and whine. And many topics are over my experience. When I made a comment about the local show and asked for opinions, I was abruptly told that "we don't discuss whining and complaints." Why is it ok for them, but not me? I also hear the same health and food allergy complaints month after month by another member. Is it my age? These women have known each other for years, and don't seem to be good friends, and everyone thinks that their version is the best. There are two members that have helped me improve my applique technique greatly. Both are award winning. I am reluctant to loose them. There haven't been any other appliquers that have helped me, except these two. One is the organizer, the other the hostess. Do I bow out and continue on my own? I really like the hostess, do I ask her how she handles the group conversations? I have no idea how she feels about the topics. She is usually very quiet during the Bees. There are two of us in the Bee that that feel this way. My friend is probably going to stop coming. I feel ignored and frustrated and surrounded by women who complain for several hours and show little interest in others. I don't know how to even bring this up to the organizer, she's shot me down a few times. I am torn, I have advice available, and I do get a few hours to focus on my current project, but do I stay or do I go? Thanks.

  13. #38
    Super Member hcarpanini's Avatar
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    This needs to be a fun time for you, not one to give you stress. I would leave the group and "get together" informally with the two that are encouraging your craft.

  14. #39
    Super Member Normabeth's Avatar
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    HI
    I sorta of in the same predicament, I joined a guild back in Jan 2011 - hoping to learn from seasoned quilters. So far the only thing that I see in the monthly meeting are show and tell (should be show off & tell), no one offers to show how they did something. I have not befriended anyone, I guess I come from the wrong side of town. I want to stick it out for another month, we are suppose to have a training session. I am new to quilting and there is no close places for me to take lessons, so it's been trial and error. Youtube has been a big help, as has this message board.

  15. #40
    Super Member quiltmom04's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kraftykimberly
    Just my opinion, but if it were me, I would be outta there. The cons just seem to out weigh the pros and my time is worth more to me than to spend it in a situation I dont enjoy. In the end though, its just depends on what you want to sacrifice, your valuable time or the knowledge you might gain if you did stay. I'd sacrifice the possible knowledge, but again, thats just me. Hope you figure it out, I know its frustating for you.
    I agree, I'd get going too. You'll find that those ladies aren't the only ones with applique knowledge. There are lots of books and shows and classes that can help you. Also, you might ask the lady who WAS nice and knowledgeble for a little 'one on one' time. She may be happy to get out of there, too!

  16. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by Glassquilt
    You have permission from all of the members above to listen to yourself. Nobody needs to go to a group with people whose outlook is so different from their own.

    If you don't feel comfortable speaking about it, write it down, put it in envelopes, seal them and hand everyone a copy as you leave. Very hard to dismiss your insightful comments when written. It will give them something to think about & talk about. It may open their eyes. If it doesn't you're better off without them.

    Forming a new group is an excellent idea.
    Don't agree about writing it down;you may offend everyone, not just the complainers, and you may want to work with them again. Best bet would be to talk to organizer privately and make your decision based on her response.

  17. #42
    Super Member grannypat7925's Avatar
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    I would not want to be around such negativity! Sounds like they need to get over themselves and concentrate on helping others. Therein is great reward! Why don't you and your friend who shares your thoughts start your own little group.

  18. #43
    Super Member mhansen6's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by susie-susie-susie
    It seems to me that you will loose nothing if you bring it up the the hostess/organizer. It sounds like she is getting fed up with the complaining since she is usually so quiet at the meetings. If I am wrong, you will loose nothing since you are ready to quit anyway. Then you can begin another group and eliminate the complainers/nasty ladies. There was no excuse for that person to jump all over you that way. Good luck, and speak up for yourself. It's not worth the agrivation just to improve your applique.
    Sue
    I agree. You need to talk to the hostess. You have nothing to loose. If she shoots you down then just stop going.

  19. #44
    Senior Member arimuse's Avatar
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    if it were me, I would stop going. If the organizer called and asked why I stopped coming to the group, simply tell her the truth - it's negative and stressful, and I feel shut out. Tell her thanks for the invite, but I don't feel like I belong there.
    Before I left I also, as several have said, would take those few aside who seemed helpful and upbeat and get their numbers and discuss a new small group with them, but, don't feel bad if they stay where they are. They might have a loyalty to even the most cranky members.

    Maybe you could start your own group, maybe post a notice at your fav fabric shop, or in a local shopper. You could set the agenda and really keep people on track. Also, you could have a set small number of people in the group to keep it controllable. It might be the organizer of your group has just lost cotrol of it and can't find a way to ask the whiners to just shut up.

    I left a group where I'd paid dues for a year but we just werent doing anything and one person was really bossy (quilt police!) and I was uncomfortable going. sharet

  20. #45
    Super Member Baloonatic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MellieKQuilter
    I say stop going. Negativity begets negativity... why not host something in your own home once a month? This way you can invite the few that are pleasant and helpful (and worl on your own but get help during this time), and you all can help each other at this event. Make it a Saturday Social or something, and keep it small and enjoyable. I would bet the others would love it! :) Just keep in mind, no complaining about the other ladies. Start fresh and keep this POSITIVE. :)
    I think this is a great idea!
    I've been a member of a quilting group for over 20 years where all the others are at least 20 years older than I. When the talk gets going on who's ill or who died lately, I just cheerfully suggest that we should get onto a more cheerful subject please. And there's always someone who backs me up.

  21. #46
    Super Member Delta's Avatar
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    I say stop going as well. just find a different group. I belong to a wonderful bee and we all get along laugh and we are honest with each. You just go find another one. Join a quilt then a bee from there if you don't know anyone in another bee now. NEVER ever stay around people that don't inspire you or treat you well. the world is hard enough with out them treating you that way also. best of luck to you
    Dawn

  22. #47
    nab
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    I would quit. You are wasting too much time being miserable. Working on your projects is suppose to make you happy. None of us has enough time for the things we love to do. I would waste no more.

  23. #48
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    I find this in my area also. It wasn't worth it so for now I depend on people in quilting forums.

  24. #49
    Super Member CorgiNole's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gaevren
    Pull the ladies you DO like aside one by one and ask them for their phone numbers- say that due to a scheduling conflict you won't be able to make the Bees anymore but that you would love to keep in touch and possibly get together again.

    That way at the very least you don't lose them and you don't have to put up with the negativity anymore. And you could start your own small group if you wished.
    I think this is an excellent suggestion.

    Cheers, K

  25. #50
    pal
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    Absolutely get out!!!! Personally, I have enough troubles of my own without listening to other peoples nonsense - and that's what whining is - nonsense.

    Our own quality time is limited, so why waste it with people who like to complain? I chose to be happy whenever possible and friends help make you happy.

    I would go to the hostess after the meeting and tell her that you won't be coming for a while, for peronsal reasons, but that you'd like to keep in touch with her - that you enjoy your relationship with her, and that you will miss her.

    If she presses it, you can tell her that the negativity is starting to get to you. Don't change your mind. Your mental health is so much more important than belonging to this group.

    Not all older women are complainers and whiners. You and your one friend will have a wonderful time learning from and teaching each other.

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