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Thread: what do you say when you give a gift, and reciepiant says

  1. #26
    Power Poster BellaBoo's Avatar
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    No Thank you, no gift again, no matter who you are in the family. It's the right thing to do no matter if it is something you want to do or not.
    Got fabric?

  2. #27
    Super Member willferg's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sweetana3 View Post
    A friend had a very elderly man give her bags of fabric from his deceased wife. She graciously accepted it and we tried to figure out if there was any way we could use it. It was just too dirty and we could not think of anything. However, we made an old man happy to think that her fabric went to a good cause.

    Sometimes it is just easier to accept the donation.
    This is how I feel. Through Project Linus, I have received tons of donations of fabric, and most of it I pass on. Sometimes it goes to other charities to use, if it's not suitable for kids' quilts, and sometimes it goes to Goodwill or something similar. I once went to a yard sale where an older woman with Alzheimers had hand cut thousands of 5" squares...kept her hands busy. That's just one place some of that unsuitable fabric can end up and still do good.

    Plus, I know how hard it is to part with your stash, so I am always very grateful to the giver and then do with it what is best.
    People who start projects and never finish them are cooler
    than people who never start projects at all.


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  3. #28
    Super Member DebraK's Avatar
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    great post!
    I have chosen to be happy because it is good for my health - Voltaire

  4. #29
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    I think that it would only be a problem if they were expecting to see a finished project made out of what they gave you. It can't always happen. Iv' received a couple of really nice things this way, so it isn't always a bad thing.

    I can relate to people asking if you want to do sewing or mending for them. I always turn this down even if they are offering to pay me and they usually aren't. To me quilting/sewing is a hobby that I do not want to turn into a job. If they don't want to do their own mending because they don't think it's fun, why do they think it would be fun for me?

  5. #30
    Super Member Greenheron's Avatar
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    Have a branch of in-laws who don't do "Thank you" and rarely feed-back. BUT they will do anything to help you out and their door is always open. It's cultural. I would like to know if the item is suitable/to their taste but I know it's not their 'thing.'

    Since I upcycle I am happy to take donations and have no problem sorting for use. I, too, thank the giver and assure them that what I cannot use will travel on to the next level, lol. Since I discovered how much fabric is eaten up crocheting rag rugs, including things that I would never consider putting in a quilt, the worn, the uglies and the polyester blends easily find a home. We have old-time rug weavers in the area who are glad of useable yardage, etc. I LIKE people who want to recycle.....even when I'm the sorting center....and I live in a big, ol' house with enough room.
    Last edited by Greenheron; 11-27-2012 at 12:21 PM.

  6. #31
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    My Mom used to make 'rag rugs' out of yardage - they were beautiful -

    She learned early on to NOT take other people's 'stuff' - (there were two exceptions that I know of - and she totally reworked what she received )

  7. #32
    Power Poster lynnie's Avatar
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    Thanks everyone for your comments and suggestions. Gave me a new point of view

  8. #33
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    That is better than my FIL's comment after I gave him a quilt last Christmas--"Save your money and time and get one from WalMart next time". Of course, that will be the only quilt he will get from me!!! Earlier this year, I worked really hard on a special quilt for my mom's birthday and she didn't even fully unfold it to look at it when I gave it to her a few months ago. She just informed me last week that the cat has claimed the quilt for itself. Wow, that was not good to hear. I really make these for the fun of the process so I have to keep that in mind, but I won't be giving any more away as gifts. I don't have gift receipients that would appreciate them.

  9. #34
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    I've done that, too, but last time wound up throwing it out anyway. Even after washing, the fabric smelled like CAT URINE!

  10. #35
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    My view is that once I've given a quilt to someone, it is theirs to use or abuse.

    Seems to me that the cat might have better taste in quilts than your Mom! (Lol)

    Your FIL may be one of those folks who doesn't like people showing him any kind of special attention or who doesn't know how to say thank you. Sad for him, and, in this case, sad for you.

  11. #36
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    cathyvv, you have completely nailed my FIL 100%. You must be very intuitive about people and their personalities. He is quite generous but hates to receive anything from anyone, even just a thanks for his generousity.

  12. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by cathyvv View Post
    I've done that, too, but last time wound up throwing it out anyway. Even after washing, the fabric smelled like CAT URINE!
    Sorry to hear that you did that. There are products available that will get the smell out.

  13. #38
    Power Poster RedGarnet222's Avatar
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    I hear you lynnie and I feel your pain. Remember the movie Fiddler on the Roof? I talk in the second person sometimes to my family. (Kinda like her made up dreams) I mention how so and so had this happen to them when presenting a quilt they had made. Then I say something about I can't believe how terrible that was. Oh I go on and on. LOL...

    That helps them to understand that I value my work and they should too. I do a ton of charity sewing for the diabetic kids silent auction and there are so many people out there that just don't get the money, hours and labor it takes to make something look professional.

    The thing is, the "professionals" work with two hands just like us. We don't have the equipment they have, but, dang it, we sure can make something beautiful without all that, huh?

    As for the fabric, I wouldn't hurt thier feelings. They thought of me and made the effort to bring it to me. But.. I would, just like so many others, donate it for someone else to enjoy.
    RedGarnet222

    "Take your needle, my child, and work at your pattern ... It will come out a rose by and by. Life is like that ...one stitch at a time, taken patiently."
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  14. #39
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    The worst one yet was when a dear lady made a beautiful quilt for her granddaughter's wedding gift. Her granddaughter said she didn't like it & would rather have cash. Taken aback, this wonderful quilter donated it as the grand prize for our annual quilt raffle. She died just before the granddaughter's wedding. The girl then had the audacity to ask the guild to give it to her. The raffle winner loved it and happily and proudly displays it in her home on her bed.

  15. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by BellaBoo View Post
    No Thank you, no gift again, no matter who you are in the family. It's the right thing to do no matter if it is something you want to do or not.

    Different strokes for different folks. I view thank you notes as something you send when you can't communicate directly with the giver. I really don't like getting them unless I mailed a gift to someone and need to know it arrived. If a family member I made a quilt for sent me one I would be hurt that we weren't close enough for them to take the time to call me and tell me thank you.

  16. #41
    Power Poster lynnie's Avatar
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    Love the comment about not having the "techie" stuff to do the job, but we get it done.
    it hurts more when a relative sees how hard you're workinng and dont appriciate it.
    My hand pcd star quilt i gave for my moms 50th bd was used as a dust cloth.
    A friend asked me to make her a tote for the holidays, i told her how much the fab was plue
    all the stuff you need to make it. I overheard her talking about dollar items to my mil to give in return.
    She always tells me it looks like i bought it for her, not ' homemade'.

  17. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by lynnie View Post
    She always tells me it looks like i bought it for her, not ' homemade'.
    This is ALWAYS my goal. For some of us the term "homemade" means "poorly made". I want the things I sew to look unique but of the polished quality of a manufactured product.

  18. #43
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    Some terms can sure set us off -

    Home made vs custom made or hand-crafted for sewn items

    However, Home made fudge or home made cookies - Yummy!

    Looks almost store-bought! (Guess my response would depend on WHICH store the commentor was referring to!)

  19. #44
    Senior Member HouseDragon's Avatar
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    What interesting responses.

    I've saved every thankful card along with the included drawings from my grandchildren. I'm about to finish the last of their first four quilt tops; I'll be quilting them soon using the Elmer's glue basting method. If they aren't treasured, there won't be a second quilt for that child but knowing these finely raised kids, that won't be a problem.

    But you never know ........

    As for the offer of unusable fabric, I follow the lead of several posters and pass it on to the Salvation Army Thrift Shop (we don't have Goodwill).

    As for the ungrateful bride, I was happy to read that the winner kept the quilt!!!

    If life gives you lemons, make Limoncello!

  20. #45
    Power Poster JuneBillie's Avatar
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    My story is not concerning a quilt, but same thing. My dad who is now 80 made all of us girls a beautiful cedar jewelry box. They are beautiful with such workmanship. He made one also for my brother's wife, and she took it, and gave it to her young son at the time for a tackle box. It hurt my dad's feelings, and he never again made her anything.
    "Sometimes it's OK if the only thing you did today was breathe."
    Good friends are right there with you.

    Susan

  21. #46
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    I used to sew Christmas gifts for all my nieces. One year, one SIL asked me to make a party dress for her daughter. I made a coppery silk shantung into a beautiful party dress, if I say so myself. I had to call my BIL at work and ask if the gift had arrived (I sent it Fed Ex) because I didn't KNOW if it had arrived, much less get a thank you call or note. I got a huffy call from that SIL the next day, complaining that I'd made her look bad. I told her I'd tried to call the house and nobody answered, that I had spent a certain amount of money on shipping the dress, let alone my time and effort on materials, and I wanted to know if it had arrived... And no, I never sewed for that neice again, even though it was not at all her fault that the gift went unacknowledged - she was less than 5 years old. I would have been fine with a simple phone call telling me it had arrived, and thank you, and I was offended that I got nothing.

    I've been given fabric when my MIL died (all coat weight wool) which went in storage for a few years, and is now being used by my youngest, who just completed a dress design program. I also got fabric when my own mother went into assisted living - much nicer and lighter fabric, but still not my style. Went in storage with MIL's fabric, and DD#3 is poking her way through it, and will donate it to school for their use, if she decides she herself cannot use it. Anything else given to me is taken and set aside until I feel like sorting through it. I never promise to use anything of it, and I only rarely sew on request anymore. That may well change once I start getting grandchildren.

    Mending - only for close family, nobody else. A friend gave me dirty things to mend once, and I mended them, but the next time she asked I told her I was too busy, sorry. Family gets told that either they take it back and launder it or I will, and next time do NOT give me dirty things to touch!

  22. #47
    Senior Member w7sue's Avatar
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    When I take the time to make a quilt for a family member, I expect a 'thank you'. My husband's family all took quilts home for Christmas one year - not even one thank you. As a matter of fact, I found the quilt my mother-in-law took on a shelf in her spare bedroom closet after she died. I took it back and it is on the back of the sofa in our family room. I have to admit I was hurt.

    My brother's sons all sent me thank yous for their quilts I made one Christmas - and they were young! I treasure those handwritten notes and they are safely tucked into the scrapbook with the pictures of the quilts. I just wish I had taken pictures of the kids with their quilts. That was the Christmas that my brother had called to ask me what I would charge to make his youngest son another quilt since the one I had given to him when he was a baby had been 'loved to death'. What a compliment! A member of their church had taken what she could salvage and made a special 'lovey' for Jacob.

    My daughter has so many of my quilts stashed away for when she moves out - I think she sneaks them out of my pile when I'm not looking. On the other hand, my son has one of my quilts - made especially for him when he was a teenager (he's 29). It is falling apart and definitely has been loved. It went on many sleepovers when he was growing up, has gone camping, on a trip to California and he still uses it on his bed. Someday, I will get it back and see if I can do any mending on it. I have to admit, he tends to be a little 'picky' about what he likes so I haven't made him a second one - not because he doesn't want one, we just haven't taken the time to select a pattern and fabric together. Maybe I should make that a 2013 project.

    Gifts of fabric are always accepted. I love to make scrappy quilts so I get a lot of those little triangles from corners - I sew them together and trim to 1.5" squares - they will get used! If it is something I don't think I can use, I always say thank you and let them know that if I can't use it, I will find a new home for it. Most of the time, the giver just wants to know it will get used for something.

  23. #48
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    I had a family member say (when I gave her a lap quilt) "it's nice but what do I do with it". My husband told her what exactly she could do with it. She is the type that wants money of gift cards as a gift.

  24. #49
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    I am always polite and take the fabric and just give it to someone else that can use it or I donate it to Good will. People mean well so why hurt there feelings they are only trying to be helpful.

  25. #50
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    Ungrateful recipients! What do we do with them? NEVER gift them again!!! I spent much time and money creating six Victorian table top christmas trees (including hand crafted tree skirts to match each one) for all the teen-aged to early 20 year old girl cousins in my husband's family one Christmas as they had all expressed a desire for one when they saw mine displayed in my home prior to the holidays. Did I get even so much as a single 'thank-you'? NO! Bad mannered little so and so's!!

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