What I have learned... funnies.... (revised edition... )
09-07-2011, 09:33 PM
#1
Super Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: A Hop from Heaven, a Skip from Sanity and a Jump from the Good Life....
Posts: 6,665
THINGS I HAVE LEARNED about quilting:
1. Measure TWICE cut once...
2. Don’t cut till your absolutely sure you measured correctly..
3. I cant sew a STRAIGHT ¼ line to save my life...
4. Due to Number 3 – sewing a scant ¼ would not be favorable either in my lifetime...
5. When your rotary cutter states SHARP on the package, it REALLY is...
6. Pins hurt when you forget to pick them up off the floor....
7. My corner/points will never ever be as perfect as yours, so Im not going to compete with you…
8. Due to Number 7, ‘Scrappy’ is my best friend
9. All nighters usually end up with A LOT of mistakes and one wonky quilt..
10. While in ‘quilting’ mode, Laundry doesn’t get done, dishes don’t get washed. So you better head out to Wally world and buy yourself some underwear, it’ll be a while… oh yea and grab dinner too!!!
11. In the quilting world of scrappy quilts, UGLIES are a must- the uglier the better…
12. Uglies can be beautiful when its cut small enough to actually see how ugly it really is….
13. 99.9% of the time I will have a thread and or a fabric snippets somewhere on my body…
14. You have a greater chance of locating me by following the trail of fabric snippets i've dropped along the way..
15 When your machine is having a bad day, plan on having one too..
16." Read the directions silently to yourself. Then read them again, out loud. Then just to be sure, read them again!!"
17. "The more you want to work on your project - the more that others will want - like clean clothes, meals prepared, the house presentable - - -"
18. Dont sew your finger.. its not a fashion trend..
19. "When you want to whip up the simple steps of a small projects to take to the "show and tell" that evening, is when you machine will decide to slip into prima donna mode. "
20. "WHO says children need to eat every day?...... "
21. " There are days that are good for piecing, days for FMQ, and days for cutting - figure out which one today is !! "
22. "My machine hates me some days; I have no idea what I ever did to it. "
23. "It's easier to erase the mistake on the graft paper than to rip the quilt."
24. " Ever cut it twice and it is still incorrect? "
25. " No matter how many times you do that seam, it's still going to end up too short. "
26. "Gotta luv #10 housework-what housework?? "
27. " make sure your ruler is not upside down, or 21 becomes 12..."
28. "I never make the same mistake twice ... it's more like three or four times. "
29. " If it's not 100% cotton, a hot iron can create fascinating textures and shapes, which may not work well with your pattern. "
30. " pre-cut squares aren't always "square"
31. " When I sit down to sew....if I make several mistakes within minutes..I know it's not my time to sew...find something else to do for a while and try it later!! "
32. " Have at least 2 of everything. Chances are your not going to find either one of them when you need it anyway.. '
33. " Make dinner for at least 2 meals at a time, and have oatmeal and cereal for those times you don't."
34. " Learn to improvise.- your quilt may not come out looking like it did in your head "
35. "Find my own style. And it is okay to use nondesignated tools with sewing. ~ " Honey, Can I borrow your hammer?? my sewing machine is acting up again"
36. "Love this board and all you wonderful quilters. It is a home away from home! "
37. " keep your fingers away from needle!! " ~ your machine wont care if its cloth or Skin its sews..
38. "...as soon as you have the quilt sandwiched and basted you will find a block or boarder that is turned the wrong way. "
39. "...I have to have more respect for my sewing machine so I don't sew my finger again. "
40. " I've learned to look at my fabric in the daylight. "
41. "I've learned, too late, that some Batiks really do have a right and wrong side. "
42. " My knees aren't as flexible as they used to be. "
43. " ...in quilting there is no such thing as a shortcut. "
44. " ..There is a wrong side and a RIGHT side on wonder under...
45. " at the end it will all quilt out"
46. " Don't ever, ever, ever calculate and cut yardage for an entire quilt when your in a 'close enough is close enough" mood..... ".
47. "... little children could get buried under the fabric stash should it decide to topple over. "
48. "When I decide to clean my sewing room hide my machine,cause I always end up sewing. "
49. I have to clean up my sewing room to FIND my sewing machine..
50. "...when you are not in the mood to quilt, DON'T, as it will be a disaster "
51." Peroxide DOES take out blood stains.. "
52." Don't sew when you don't feel good...You will feel worse when you see the mistakes you did later on!"
53. "The iron is NOT your fingers best friend.. "
54. "The needle always breaks when you are almost through."
55. " you run out of thread at midnight and destroy your sewing room for hours to find that spool you just bought- only to find it on the dining room table..
56. "Great patterns probably came about because of a mistake, or two or three..."
57." No matter how many pairs of scissors I have, there will never be one around when I need it in a hurry. Likewise for pencils!"
58. "The bobbin thread always runs out two inches from the end of the seam."
59." I praise myself on having the best THREAD stash in every color under the sun, but forget to buy white.."
60. "No matter how well you place the pins, ones gonna jump out and get you."
61. "Puppies LOVE to chew up batting.. Especially a brand new roll.. "
62. “Everyone is suddenly helpless when you sit down to sew.”
63. "the darker it becomes outside, the dimmer my brain seems to be!"
64. "Double check for basting safety pins when you are done. Lest your child wake up with a perfect imprint of one in the middle of his forehead."
AND MY FAVORITE:
" Sometimes I give up on bathing, just wear powder.....unless I have to leave the house, then I have to break the cycle and have a shower. "
And the FINE PRINT for QB Members:
WARNING!!! WORST VIRUS EVER TO HIT QUILTING BOARD! The BSTC Virus (Butt Stuck To Chair). The virus glues you to your chair for several hours at a time! No housework will be done, children will starve, the cat will not eat, and the dog will not get its walk. You lose contact with the outside world; your butt goes numb! Warn all friends ~ it's too late for me ~ SAVE YOURSELVES!!!! Mwahahahaha! (Courtesy of madamekelly )
1. Measure TWICE cut once...
2. Don’t cut till your absolutely sure you measured correctly..
3. I cant sew a STRAIGHT ¼ line to save my life...
4. Due to Number 3 – sewing a scant ¼ would not be favorable either in my lifetime...
5. When your rotary cutter states SHARP on the package, it REALLY is...
6. Pins hurt when you forget to pick them up off the floor....
7. My corner/points will never ever be as perfect as yours, so Im not going to compete with you…
8. Due to Number 7, ‘Scrappy’ is my best friend
9. All nighters usually end up with A LOT of mistakes and one wonky quilt..
10. While in ‘quilting’ mode, Laundry doesn’t get done, dishes don’t get washed. So you better head out to Wally world and buy yourself some underwear, it’ll be a while… oh yea and grab dinner too!!!
11. In the quilting world of scrappy quilts, UGLIES are a must- the uglier the better…
12. Uglies can be beautiful when its cut small enough to actually see how ugly it really is….
13. 99.9% of the time I will have a thread and or a fabric snippets somewhere on my body…
14. You have a greater chance of locating me by following the trail of fabric snippets i've dropped along the way..
15 When your machine is having a bad day, plan on having one too..
16." Read the directions silently to yourself. Then read them again, out loud. Then just to be sure, read them again!!"
17. "The more you want to work on your project - the more that others will want - like clean clothes, meals prepared, the house presentable - - -"
18. Dont sew your finger.. its not a fashion trend..
19. "When you want to whip up the simple steps of a small projects to take to the "show and tell" that evening, is when you machine will decide to slip into prima donna mode. "
20. "WHO says children need to eat every day?...... "
21. " There are days that are good for piecing, days for FMQ, and days for cutting - figure out which one today is !! "
22. "My machine hates me some days; I have no idea what I ever did to it. "
23. "It's easier to erase the mistake on the graft paper than to rip the quilt."
24. " Ever cut it twice and it is still incorrect? "
25. " No matter how many times you do that seam, it's still going to end up too short. "
26. "Gotta luv #10 housework-what housework?? "
27. " make sure your ruler is not upside down, or 21 becomes 12..."
28. "I never make the same mistake twice ... it's more like three or four times. "
29. " If it's not 100% cotton, a hot iron can create fascinating textures and shapes, which may not work well with your pattern. "
30. " pre-cut squares aren't always "square"
31. " When I sit down to sew....if I make several mistakes within minutes..I know it's not my time to sew...find something else to do for a while and try it later!! "
32. " Have at least 2 of everything. Chances are your not going to find either one of them when you need it anyway.. '
33. " Make dinner for at least 2 meals at a time, and have oatmeal and cereal for those times you don't."
34. " Learn to improvise.- your quilt may not come out looking like it did in your head "
35. "Find my own style. And it is okay to use nondesignated tools with sewing. ~ " Honey, Can I borrow your hammer?? my sewing machine is acting up again"
36. "Love this board and all you wonderful quilters. It is a home away from home! "
37. " keep your fingers away from needle!! " ~ your machine wont care if its cloth or Skin its sews..
38. "...as soon as you have the quilt sandwiched and basted you will find a block or boarder that is turned the wrong way. "
39. "...I have to have more respect for my sewing machine so I don't sew my finger again. "
40. " I've learned to look at my fabric in the daylight. "
41. "I've learned, too late, that some Batiks really do have a right and wrong side. "
42. " My knees aren't as flexible as they used to be. "
43. " ...in quilting there is no such thing as a shortcut. "
44. " ..There is a wrong side and a RIGHT side on wonder under...
45. " at the end it will all quilt out"
46. " Don't ever, ever, ever calculate and cut yardage for an entire quilt when your in a 'close enough is close enough" mood..... ".
47. "... little children could get buried under the fabric stash should it decide to topple over. "
48. "When I decide to clean my sewing room hide my machine,cause I always end up sewing. "
49. I have to clean up my sewing room to FIND my sewing machine..
50. "...when you are not in the mood to quilt, DON'T, as it will be a disaster "
51." Peroxide DOES take out blood stains.. "
52." Don't sew when you don't feel good...You will feel worse when you see the mistakes you did later on!"
53. "The iron is NOT your fingers best friend.. "
54. "The needle always breaks when you are almost through."
55. " you run out of thread at midnight and destroy your sewing room for hours to find that spool you just bought- only to find it on the dining room table..
56. "Great patterns probably came about because of a mistake, or two or three..."
57." No matter how many pairs of scissors I have, there will never be one around when I need it in a hurry. Likewise for pencils!"
58. "The bobbin thread always runs out two inches from the end of the seam."
59." I praise myself on having the best THREAD stash in every color under the sun, but forget to buy white.."
60. "No matter how well you place the pins, ones gonna jump out and get you."
61. "Puppies LOVE to chew up batting.. Especially a brand new roll.. "
62. “Everyone is suddenly helpless when you sit down to sew.”
63. "the darker it becomes outside, the dimmer my brain seems to be!"
64. "Double check for basting safety pins when you are done. Lest your child wake up with a perfect imprint of one in the middle of his forehead."
AND MY FAVORITE:
" Sometimes I give up on bathing, just wear powder.....unless I have to leave the house, then I have to break the cycle and have a shower. "
And the FINE PRINT for QB Members:
WARNING!!! WORST VIRUS EVER TO HIT QUILTING BOARD! The BSTC Virus (Butt Stuck To Chair). The virus glues you to your chair for several hours at a time! No housework will be done, children will starve, the cat will not eat, and the dog will not get its walk. You lose contact with the outside world; your butt goes numb! Warn all friends ~ it's too late for me ~ SAVE YOURSELVES!!!! Mwahahahaha! (Courtesy of madamekelly )
09-08-2011, 05:37 AM
#7
Super Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: missouri
Posts: 3,893
that is wonderful, I am guilty of A LOT of those and have been struck by the virus so many times it's a wonder I can walk at all
but we must have fun, we are home even if we are locked away from every, my husband understands and even cooks dinner while my machine purrs.
but we must have fun, we are home even if we are locked away from every, my husband understands and even cooks dinner while my machine purrs.
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