Mom's with daughters I need your advice again....You will love this one
10-23-2010, 09:18 PM
#161
Super Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: High Entropy Zone
Posts: 1,247
Originally Posted by Quiltforme
Tonight is homecoming and she looked beautiful. All dressed up in highheels and hair done. I took her to get Mani/Pedis and had the best day with her. We drove her to her friends house where they sleepover is being held and low and behold I was not the only mother who would not let their daughter/son stay over. So I felt good about say she could stay for the Smor's cookout but needs to come home. I am so proud of her that she came to me and told me that there would be boys there and that she agreed with me that it was not ok. We had a blast today and tonight she is having fun!! I took lots of pictures and love how beautiful she looked. Thank you all for your advice it really helped to have so many moms/dads tell me what you would do. If not for experience where would i be!!! Jade
10-24-2010, 09:11 AM
#162
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 327
Originally Posted by lab fairy
Originally Posted by moonwolf23
Originally Posted by lab fairy
Originally Posted by elizabeth
would you object to an all day boy/girl party with supervision? If not, let her go. I think it freaks people out when they hear boy, girl, all night, party in one sentence. BUT, I never had a daughter.
Believe it or not, gender has nothing to do with many responses except that the female usually pays for mistakes for the next 18+ years the hard way. Male children are no less vulnerable because they might make those same mistakes and need to take responsibility for their actions as well. I do not need to cite statistics on birth control to tell you there are only two methods that are 100% effective and they are abstinance and sterilization.
Parents should not have to be a child's friend or be blackmailed by society into thinking that they should. I think that is where many of us make the big mistakes. Your childs friends are peers, parents are teachers of values, etc.
I'm not going to argue with you. You are entitled to your opinion. I just hope if you have children that you know the facts (not Oprah junk science but REAL information). A great visual of all the untreatable STD's, financial spreadsheet of the cost of raising a child to the age of 18 and frank discussions are really useful. I've had a few throw up with the visuals. A picture is worth a 1000 words. Nothing is worse than explaining to a young lady HOW she ended up pregnant because no one told her at home. Her parents expected the school to do their parenting. Pass the buck, pass the child, sad world.
Even if they remain virgins till they graduate high school, the likelihood they'll remain abstinent in college is also pretty low.
Personally, I see no need to advocate this type of behavior. I'd rather teach my daughter how to tell what a good man is, what birth control is. Basically teach her stuff she'll need to know when she's out on her own.
I'm always a bit bemused by this whole stay a virgin philosophy, that rarely sticks. I'm also bemused by why it's needed and why people are so uncomfortable about it. This is also the same country that loves Carrie Bradshaw and sex in the city and the Gilmore Girls.
10-24-2010, 12:08 PM
#163
Super Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: was Upstate NY, now NC & TN
Posts: 2,329
Originally Posted by moonwolf23
Originally Posted by lab fairy
Originally Posted by moonwolf23
Originally Posted by lab fairy
Originally Posted by elizabeth
would you object to an all day boy/girl party with supervision? If not, let her go. I think it freaks people out when they hear boy, girl, all night, party in one sentence. BUT, I never had a daughter.
Believe it or not, gender has nothing to do with many responses except that the female usually pays for mistakes for the next 18+ years the hard way. Male children are no less vulnerable because they might make those same mistakes and need to take responsibility for their actions as well. I do not need to cite statistics on birth control to tell you there are only two methods that are 100% effective and they are abstinance and sterilization.
Parents should not have to be a child's friend or be blackmailed by society into thinking that they should. I think that is where many of us make the big mistakes. Your childs friends are peers, parents are teachers of values, etc.
I'm not going to argue with you. You are entitled to your opinion. I just hope if you have children that you know the facts (not Oprah junk science but REAL information). A great visual of all the untreatable STD's, financial spreadsheet of the cost of raising a child to the age of 18 and frank discussions are really useful. I've had a few throw up with the visuals. A picture is worth a 1000 words. Nothing is worse than explaining to a young lady HOW she ended up pregnant because no one told her at home. Her parents expected the school to do their parenting. Pass the buck, pass the child, sad world.
Even if they remain virgins till they graduate high school, the likelihood they'll remain abstinent in college is also pretty low.
Personally, I see no need to advocate this type of behavior. I'd rather teach my daughter how to tell what a good man is, what birth control is. Basically teach her stuff she'll need to know when she's out on her own.
I'm always a bit bemused by this whole stay a virgin philosophy, that rarely sticks. I'm also bemused by why it's needed and why people are so uncomfortable about it. This is also the same country that loves Carrie Bradshaw and sex in the city and the Gilmore Girls.
There is a way to be realistic and prepare them while still communicating the expectation that they will wait until they are mature enough to handle it. And being realistic about the possibility certainly doesn't mean that you have to allow them to participate in situations that you think may lead to avoidable bad outcomes.
10-24-2010, 04:42 PM
#165
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 327
Originally Posted by IrishNY
Originally Posted by moonwolf23
Originally Posted by lab fairy
Originally Posted by moonwolf23
Originally Posted by lab fairy
Originally Posted by elizabeth
would you object to an all day boy/girl party with supervision? If not, let her go. I think it freaks people out when they hear boy, girl, all night, party in one sentence. BUT, I never had a daughter.
Believe it or not, gender has nothing to do with many responses except that the female usually pays for mistakes for the next 18+ years the hard way. Male children are no less vulnerable because they might make those same mistakes and need to take responsibility for their actions as well. I do not need to cite statistics on birth control to tell you there are only two methods that are 100% effective and they are abstinance and sterilization.
Parents should not have to be a child's friend or be blackmailed by society into thinking that they should. I think that is where many of us make the big mistakes. Your childs friends are peers, parents are teachers of values, etc.
I'm not going to argue with you. You are entitled to your opinion. I just hope if you have children that you know the facts (not Oprah junk science but REAL information). A great visual of all the untreatable STD's, financial spreadsheet of the cost of raising a child to the age of 18 and frank discussions are really useful. I've had a few throw up with the visuals. A picture is worth a 1000 words. Nothing is worse than explaining to a young lady HOW she ended up pregnant because no one told her at home. Her parents expected the school to do their parenting. Pass the buck, pass the child, sad world.
Even if they remain virgins till they graduate high school, the likelihood they'll remain abstinent in college is also pretty low.
Personally, I see no need to advocate this type of behavior. I'd rather teach my daughter how to tell what a good man is, what birth control is. Basically teach her stuff she'll need to know when she's out on her own.
I'm always a bit bemused by this whole stay a virgin philosophy, that rarely sticks. I'm also bemused by why it's needed and why people are so uncomfortable about it. This is also the same country that loves Carrie Bradshaw and sex in the city and the Gilmore Girls.
There is a way to be realistic and prepare them while still communicating the expectation that they will wait until they are mature enough to handle it. And being realistic about the possibility certainly doesn't mean that you have to allow them to participate in situations that you think may lead to avoidable bad outcomes.
Why are people so worried about the purity of teens in highschool, but once college comes about, that worry melts away?
10-24-2010, 04:52 PM
#166
Moderator
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: North East Lower peninsula of Michigan
Posts: 6,231
I have to say after raising(?) 5 boys ranging in age from 22 to 39 they warn their girlfriends about me giving the Birth control speech! I also warn my boys to keep their pants zipped! I am not stupid enough to know that at their ages they are all still virgins but I know to make sure they are warned and prepared for what comes along with the fun! I have had 14 and 15 year old girls calling for my sons when they were 18 and 19 I warn them Jail bait is one of the worst things they can tangle with. Your daughter is one smart cookie for not going to the party for the night!
10-24-2010, 06:05 PM
#167
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: North Oxford MA
Posts: 943
Originally Posted by moonwolf23
Originally Posted by IrishNY
Originally Posted by moonwolf23
Originally Posted by lab fairy
Originally Posted by moonwolf23
Originally Posted by lab fairy
Originally Posted by elizabeth
would you object to an all day boy/girl party with supervision? If not, let her go. I think it freaks people out when they hear boy, girl, all night, party in one sentence. BUT, I never had a daughter.
Believe it or not, gender has nothing to do with many responses except that the female usually pays for mistakes for the next 18+ years the hard way. Male children are no less vulnerable because they might make those same mistakes and need to take responsibility for their actions as well. I do not need to cite statistics on birth control to tell you there are only two methods that are 100% effective and they are abstinance and sterilization.
Parents should not have to be a child's friend or be blackmailed by society into thinking that they should. I think that is where many of us make the big mistakes. Your childs friends are peers, parents are teachers of values, etc.
I'm not going to argue with you. You are entitled to your opinion. I just hope if you have children that you know the facts (not Oprah junk science but REAL information). A great visual of all the untreatable STD's, financial spreadsheet of the cost of raising a child to the age of 18 and frank discussions are really useful. I've had a few throw up with the visuals. A picture is worth a 1000 words. Nothing is worse than explaining to a young lady HOW she ended up pregnant because no one told her at home. Her parents expected the school to do their parenting. Pass the buck, pass the child, sad world.
Even if they remain virgins till they graduate high school, the likelihood they'll remain abstinent in college is also pretty low.
Personally, I see no need to advocate this type of behavior. I'd rather teach my daughter how to tell what a good man is, what birth control is. Basically teach her stuff she'll need to know when she's out on her own.
I'm always a bit bemused by this whole stay a virgin philosophy, that rarely sticks. I'm also bemused by why it's needed and why people are so uncomfortable about it. This is also the same country that loves Carrie Bradshaw and sex in the city and the Gilmore Girls.
There is a way to be realistic and prepare them while still communicating the expectation that they will wait until they are mature enough to handle it. And being realistic about the possibility certainly doesn't mean that you have to allow them to participate in situations that you think may lead to avoidable bad outcomes.
Why are people so worried about the purity of teens in highschool, but once college comes about, that worry melts away?
so glad my youngest is going to stay at home for the first couple years!
10-24-2010, 07:01 PM
#169
Junior Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 183
jade, no is the answer you have not over reacted. shes just a baby yet. heck my granddaughter is 12 and has a boyfriend and i told her no honey till shes 20 besides , you are the parent you go girl and keep your daughter safe. when did old fahsioned go out of style?
10-24-2010, 07:02 PM
#170
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Eastern USA
Posts: 663
The worry never melts away does it.
Why is this called old fashioned. It should be the norm. I remember when it was and it was a simpler life. Things move to fast and at an earlier age. I would have never ever thought about a co ed sleepover at that age let alone ask my parents.
Why is this called old fashioned. It should be the norm. I remember when it was and it was a simpler life. Things move to fast and at an earlier age. I would have never ever thought about a co ed sleepover at that age let alone ask my parents.
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