polly13

I digested your story from both angles and with lots of memories. I have always been very healthy and have been the caregiver many times, sometimes only helping with meds, banking, paying bills, etc. My mom and my husband got along so well for short visits, but were like our dog and the neighbor's cat if together for any longer than 2 days. We worked it out, but I constantly pray that I will be the recipient of offered help with much grace and recognition that it is time. Don't forget to take care of yourself as well as your mom. I was losing my hair and no medical reason was found for it. After my mom passed it grew back. I did not recognize that I was under stress; my body did.

SueDor

What a blessing she has you and your husband and she will be happier also.

Up North

I think it is wonderful that you have the space to take her in. My MIl just recently placed in a nursing home has Alzheimers now and sometimes does not know us she often says this is not like it used to be, meaning when she was a child they took in grandma and grandpa, but they had large farm houses, I live in a trailer house with very narrow openings she with a wheel chair could never get down the hall or in the bathroom.

susang

I am finding this thread interesting and it makes me feel guilty. My mother is luckily in good health, but elderly and forgetful. Last year, after a fall, (and many years of talking to her about moving) we moved her 60 miles to a senior apt near us. She is furious. Still. She can't be in her own house, the neighbors have told us they have helped too many times, the doctor said she has to go. She DOES want to move into my house, but here's the catch: This is a bitter, self-centered woman - My kids are all 4 in their 20's & I've been married 30 years. In all that time, my mother visited a lot, but she NEVER babysat , changed a diaper, cooked a meal for us, took the kids anywhere etc. She constantly complained about how hard her life was (it wasn't), how poor the kids' manners were etc. Meanwhile, we visited her, did repairs on her home, I housecleaned and mended for her etc. Now, she wonders why my 4 siblings never visit and rarely call, and why none of her 15 grandchildren call or visit. And she can't understand why I am not enthusiastic about welcoming her to live at my house. OK, I guess I love her, but I don't respect her nor do I enjoy her company. Am I an awful person???

jpwagner

Bless you for your compassion. I lost my mom at Christmas this year. I live in a different state than she did so a nursing home was the answer for our family for the final year of her life. I'm an only child and Mom couldn't navigate the stairs at my house and fell 3 times at home before she went into the home. But after she adjusted, she was participating in as many activities and crafts as possible. We were able to get all of her legal affairs and will taken tare of. Have to sell her condo and auction her stuff but not in a hurry. I hope others on this board heed your advice.

Judy

GloriaC

My Mom died a few years ago and lived at home until the end. She was sick the last few years but my brother lived with her and it was easy to keep her home. I began staying at night the last few months of her life and was with her every day for the last few weeks. She was the best Mom in the whole world and I would just love to see her one more time and tell her again how very much I love her. I keep reminding myself that 80 is a good long life, but it doesn't matter. I wished she could have lived to be 100.

DeAnne-Mn.

Bless your hearts for moving Mom in with you. My mother had Alzheimers also and as bad as it was the one thing she never lost was knowing we lovd her, even when she didn't know who we were. Love is a very strong bond. It's been over ten years since she passed and I still miss her very much. You are lucky to have her with you, enjoy her and love her. You'll never regret making the effort. There may come a time that her needs are greater than your ability to care for her and she may need to move to a more skilled care but you will always know the joy of loving her in your home. Don't forget to be gentle with yourself and take time for breaks from the responsibility of her care. I'm praying for you and your family.

Tuxedo Mom

Congratulations for being the loving, kind and welcoming family every parent should have. Our mom is living with the youngest of my five sisters and while I would love to have her here in her hometown, I bless my sister and her family for taking Mom along with them. She loves to be near the ocean, and her grandsons, with an active family who are at kids baseball games four or five nights a week. She just turned 86 and is shrinking, and has some memory issues now, but it is such a blessing to know that she is loved and wanted and well-cared for. So many are not that lucky.

Debra Mc

Glad it is going well for you. We moved the inlaws into town & my MIL is still holding on to clothes that she has had for 40 years. Every closet in new house is filled with clothes. There are 4 boxes (the tall hanging type) still in the garage in the old house. I don't think it will ever end.

Mad Mimm

Good luck on your journey. My DH and I did the same thing 10 years ago and we cared for my mom up until she passed in 2010. It was not an easy task and I did it with no family to support me locally (they all live out of state). Make sure you give yourself time and space to have your own life too and do enjoy the time you have with your mom. It sounds like you are off to a good start and I wish you the best.