a sensitive quilt question
11-01-2010, 02:27 PM
#33
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 2,131
My heart goes out to your SIL and the entire family. I would think it would be too soon for a memory quilt.
I lost my mother last year, and I had posted her photo on a post here, and I had to ask that it be removed, because everytime I saw it I cried my eyes out and got so depressed. I am sure over time it will heal somewhat, but it would be too soon now to do a memory quilt (this is just my opinion as I have suffered from severe depression all my life and since Mama passed it has gotten worse.)
So be real sensitive to what your SIL is going thru.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and the entire family.
I lost my mother last year, and I had posted her photo on a post here, and I had to ask that it be removed, because everytime I saw it I cried my eyes out and got so depressed. I am sure over time it will heal somewhat, but it would be too soon now to do a memory quilt (this is just my opinion as I have suffered from severe depression all my life and since Mama passed it has gotten worse.)
So be real sensitive to what your SIL is going thru.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and the entire family.
11-01-2010, 02:56 PM
#34
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Commerce, Ga
Posts: 875
Agree with the majority -- no memory quilt now. You will have to wait and see how your friend feels about that later (maybe much later)
I had a difficult relationship with my mother. She has been gone 10 years, but I still don't want a memory quilt. Probably never will.
A comfort quilt from you lets her know you care and are thinking of her. Sounds better to me.
I had a difficult relationship with my mother. She has been gone 10 years, but I still don't want a memory quilt. Probably never will.
A comfort quilt from you lets her know you care and are thinking of her. Sounds better to me.
11-01-2010, 02:59 PM
#35
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Alabama
Posts: 2,474
Originally Posted by Sadiemae
Just my opinion, but right now I would make a comfort quilt. Later...I would consider a memory quilt.
11-01-2010, 03:04 PM
#36
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 811
I'm basically in agreement with the group. I've had to deal with a lot of deaths in my family the past few years, though none under those circumstances. We all grieve differently and it's hard to imagine how I would feel if any of my family passed due to suicide. I would make a comfort quilt for your SIL. Use her favorite colors or colors in her home for a good fit. Give her some time and you'll have to gauge when the time is right to bring up the idea of a memory quilt. Someone mentioned a month, but that's really very soon after a death. The element of shock really does impact the grieving process in unpredictable ways. My deepest sympathy to the family.
11-01-2010, 03:37 PM
#37
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Location: Chili, New York (Rochester)
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You will know the right time to give it to her because you will sense it. Having gone through the death of a grandchild, I know that having something special will be very emotional but at the same time, will mean more to her than you will ever know. From my own experience, I don't believe she is ready for anything right now, but she definitely will be in the future. Now is the time for grieving but you will know when is the time for memories. It doesn't come easy!
11-01-2010, 04:54 PM
#39
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 98
I will give my opinion both as a nurse and a recent widow. I have dealt with suicide families in the past and I think it takes a lot of time to accept the depression as a disease and not just a cowardly selfish act. I think I would not want a memory quilt at this time.
I always make my quilts and give them away. My husband had a cardiac arrest while in the hospital and did not get enough oxygen during the CPR. He was left in a "persistent vegetative state" or a vegetable for 9 months. I brought him home to care for him and there were so many times all I could do to make myself feel better was to wrap up in a blanket and hug myself. It would have meant so much more if I would have had a quilt to cuddle with. Just something about a home made quilt to bring comfort. I think a throw sized quilt or twin quilt with a nice label that might say something like "Hoping you find comfort as you wrap yourself in this blanklet of love". Just my opinion.
Terry
I always make my quilts and give them away. My husband had a cardiac arrest while in the hospital and did not get enough oxygen during the CPR. He was left in a "persistent vegetative state" or a vegetable for 9 months. I brought him home to care for him and there were so many times all I could do to make myself feel better was to wrap up in a blanket and hug myself. It would have meant so much more if I would have had a quilt to cuddle with. Just something about a home made quilt to bring comfort. I think a throw sized quilt or twin quilt with a nice label that might say something like "Hoping you find comfort as you wrap yourself in this blanklet of love". Just my opinion.
Terry
11-01-2010, 05:13 PM
#40
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: Blue Springs, MO
Posts: 2,167
I am going to go with the comfort quilt and wait to see how she feels about the memory quilt. I am actually going to wait and make one in colors that she would like. I am making one for her step-dad that I am going to be taking with me if I can get it done in time. If not I plan on having my SIL mail it to her step-dad. I hope that I can get it done in time for him because he is having a really really hard time of it. He is the one that found her. They had been having trouble and they just got back together about a month ago. I am just glad that it wasn't any of my SIL's sibs (they are all younger and still live at home.) Thank you all for your input. It has helped a ton.
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