Mousie

what good advice.
You've got enough here already to "practice" being assertive.
Things written down are golden!

annesthreads

Yes, there are people who are that shy, or have anxiety problems or are just totally lacking in confidence around creative work. Ask me how I know...! Like the other poster who responded to this comment, I just push myself to do whatever it is, as I don't have anyone to go with anyway, but it's not easy, and I can see how if I if I DID have an enabling friend, I'd be tempted to hide behind them. But that doesn't make it a healthy thing to do...
Linked to this is the issue of experienced people attending a beginners' class. Over the years I've been to several classes, quilting and other subjects, where there've been people there who should have been in an intermediate class. Some instructors can handle this and keep them busy while they focus on the beginners, some can't, and the more experienced person can then be a pain, whether they intend to be or not, disturbing the flow of the class and, in the worst scenario, diminshing the confidence of the beginners.

AudreyB

Why do I allow what? I can't control what others say, I can only control my response. I do not allow people to come to my class without paying.

My question was for suggestions on how to reply. I can, and have, come up with a response. I was just wondering how others would reply.

QandE2010

Audrey, it sounds like you have everything under control, now! Let us know what the reaction is! And I agree with you, it is always nice to get the opinions of others. Have a great day! ��

Sewnoma

You know what they say - start with a compliment!

I'd probably say something like:

"That's really kind of you to watch out for your friend! Unfortunately I have a very limited amount of space and I don't have the room for non-students in the classroom, plus I find that tends to cause distractions. If you'd like to stay for the first 15 minutes or so and help your friend get settled I can make an exception for that. Don't worry, I promise your friend will have a great time and make new friends in my class, I keep everything very friendly."

AudreyB

Excellent! I like your thinking!!

soccertxi

Sewnoma, You are a true diplomat! Well done!...I think now is the time to make a new policy list. Update anything along with this and restate your classroom rules and policies. Hand out the new policy list with registration and whenever this situation comes up. When asked about the new policies, refer back to what Sewnoma said! : small classroom and limited space. You might include that this is how you help support yourself. Any non paying students decreases your income!

Tothill

My ex-mil is painfully shy and anxious. When she moved to town she wanted to take a beginner's painting class, but could not get past her anxiety. She paid for me to attend with her.

It was fun, but painting is not really my thing. I followed along with the class.

I thought after she had company for the one course she would feel more comfortable about signing up for others, but nope she never did.

I am giving lots of thought to the replies here. I am going to a sewing retreat in June. I am taking my 19 year old son with me. I want to learn how to fit shirts on him, he has a big neck and if a button up shirt fits his neck it is huge on him. I will be using him to fit at the beginning and end of each day. Otherwise he will not be around.

The sewing show I go to each year has many workshops, all clearly state that only people who have paid can attend.

DOTTYMO

Surely health and safety doesn't allow to have someone wondering around. How boring sitting for hours just watching a group of ladies.
i live in UK and travel 80+ miles to a class once a month. I don't / didn't know anyone when I first went. In the last few months shop initially going to went into liquidation and tutor found new home. Now anyone from any class she taught comes along.we all chatter not necessarily about our projects.

huskyquilter

I have pretty serious social anxiety myself, but I drummed up the courage to attend an open sewing forum. Essentially it's a 2-4 hour session with a group and an instructor. Everyone brings their own project and the teacher answers questions for individuals as needed. I went because I needed a distraction free environment to get a bunch done on a quilt under a tight deadline. Let me say a couple things: 1. I would have been easily entertained sitting around watching that group of ladies sew. I mean seriously, all 60+ women from NYC, conversation went from sewing to politics, to neighborhood/city history, in fact, one woman didn't sew a stitch. I am also fairly adhd and being able to have the low chat around me was helpful. I could focus on my project, but the wandering part of my thoughts just listened to them. 2. It wasn't all quilters. Most people were quilters, as it was a quilt shop, but several people had other projects. One was working on a bag, one was trying to make a bra (which was hilarious because the teacher was a male, and he couldn't figure out how to politely say that, ahem, there wasn't enough material). 3. They actually partly advertise 'why not bring your friends and sew together?'

So, I guess my suggestion would be to maybe start something like that, for less of a fee. Maybe a two hour class for $15-$20 (depending on your area, the class I took is $30 for 2 hours, but NYC is super inflated price-wise). Do it once a month, the week before your next round of classes start, and for these situations, you can say, "Well, I completely understand why she might be shy about attending. How about you both come to the open sewing forum and she can get to know me a little bit that way? Unfortunately, I can't let people sit in on classes anymore, plus it's nice to have all beginners in a group. I want everyone to be comfortable, and I don't want to make the other class members nervous by having a professional longarm quilter in their midst."

Just a thought, plus it really creates a nice social community. I haven't missed an open sewing forum once, and although I'm still shy and don't say much, I enjoy seeing the regulars and listening to their chat. It's also my most productive quilting time since I'm not interrupted by the dog or the hubby, or dinner, or blah, blah, blah.