Peckish

This one came from my 83 year old grandfather, which cracked me up because he is a very sweet but VERY proper gentleman. In my entire life, I have NEVER heard him swear or tell any off-color jokes of any kind.

I was asking my grandmother what life was like when they were young, and she was telling me all kinds of fascinating things. I finally had the courage to ask her what people used for birth control back in the days before The Pill. She started to tell me about condoms and the rhythm method when my grandfather piped up and said "We took something called Noassitol!" (no-ass-at-all)....

I fell on the floor laughing. My poor grandmother could do nothing but sputter and throw her apron at him.

Pat G

Oh my gosh, this is so hilarious. I am laughing out loud at you & how dumb you must have felt.

It's better than the dumb thing I did today that's going to land me a tkt. I drove to Tacoma across the Narrows bridge which is a toll bridge. I was so involved watching traffic & heaven knows where my mind was that I was in the wrong lane. Didn't realize I had missed the toll booths til I was in the middle of the bridge. I was so confused I wondered what happened to the booths. They take pix of cars that don't have the pass on their window so I really felt stupid. And a lot poorer I'm sure when I get a tkt. in the mail.

arizonagirl

I was out shopping once with my ex and we had each gone to different areas of the store. I went looking for him and walked up behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist and laid my head on his back and said I love you, do you want to go home and fool around? The guy starts laughing and said ok but I don't think my wife would like it. What can I say he looked like my ex husband from behind...lol

Robyn

arizonagirl

My son was a freshman in high school and on the football team. It was very early in the season and our whole family went to pick him up from practice to go have dinner. My son gets in the car very excited. I asked him what was up. He said that he loved high school. He said he was becoming popular and making lots of friends, that he had just got put on the JV team, then he paused for a moment and the said... and I'm dead sexy.

Robyn

jpthequilter

Hi luv! You are so pretty! These two stories are very funny!
Jeannie

jpthequilter

The blue mashed potatoes....
When we were kids and were being taught to cook, one day my mom told my brother, who was a throwback to a viking, to make mashed potatoes for supper. So he grumpily, peeled, boiled and mashed a big bowl of potatoes and then added a half bottle of blue food coloring to them and mixed well.
They turned a beautiful shade of bright blue! He hid them until we had all sat down, and then brought them out and put them on the table. Nobody said anything! My Dad stared fixedly at them for a few minutes, and then put some on his plate and added butter from our Jersey cow. The potatoes promptly turned a wierd shade of swamp green.
My father who was a kindly dutch patriarch, stood up and said: "Kids I promised you that I would eat anything you cooked no matter how burnt it is, but I just can't eat these!" I said, "But Dad, if you close your eyes they taste just like potatoes should." My dad said: "If I close my eyes I can still see them!"
I suspect the pigs got an extra treat that night....

QBeth

Yup, been ther, literally. Urgent need, ran into the restroom and into a stall. Noticed that the feet in the stall next to me were FACING the toilet. "That's odd," I thought. Duh! Came out of the stall to find three 11-12 yr old boys who looked like they were trying to decide whether or not to call security. "Oops!" I said and left. Not my finest moment but funny later.

RugosaB

Oh, I just thought of another one:
When I got married (30 years ago this October)I didn't know how to cook, thankfully I learned and had a most understanding husband.
So one day I decided I was going to make some bread, thinking, how hard can it be, right?
I forget what I did wrong, but early on in the process I decided to scrarp the whole thing. I dug a hole, shallow, out back and buried mye dough. Oh I just remembered, it wouldn't rise like I thought it should.
So my husband comes home from work, and wasn't any wiser, things looked normal. Then, for some reason, he had to go out back. He came back in, and being a city boy (married to a country girl)and told me I had to come look, there was a kind of fungus he had never seen before out back under the spruce tree. At least he called it spruce rather than pine, he was learning.
I went out back with him and couldn't believe what I saw. The bread dough rose up out of the ground! It did look sort of like the fungus that grows back there. A city boy married to a country girl that can't cook! But that man knew the difference between pine and spruce!

flowerjoy

Shopping with my son one day some years ago and becoming conscious of recycling... I asked him to please go get a package of recycled toilet paper... he squenched up his face and was aghast and said "NO WAY!" .... after I stopped laughing it became one of those perfect teachable moments.

BluegrassGurl

On a shopping excursion with my family (husband and 2 children), we were ready to eat and trying to decide where. Each person always has a vote on where to go.... majority wins. My daughter (age 8) piped in and said "I want to go to 'Shake and Bake'." Our immediate reaction.... huh????? It took us a few minutes, but we figured out she meant "Steak and Shake" which had just recently opened up in our area. We still tease her about going to "Shake and Bake". ;-)