EllieGirl

My oldest grandchild will be 4 Sunday. He is not completely potty trained yet and still poops his pants. SIL had this problem until he was 4th grade or so. Naturally my SIL is emotionally scarred from this. My daughter has taken my grandson to a gastroenterologist, a psychologist and the family physician. They all say to reward him, which my daughter does, when he goes and not make it negative. She and her hubby have had disagreements about this. Of course he's never talked to any doctors, just goes by his experiences. Tonight he picked up the little guy from preschool and the class was outside, and DGS was playing by himself. When SIL got into the car, instead of asking DGS why he's playing by himself, he told him kids don't want to play with him because he poops his pants. DD said DGS was sad and didn't want to eat, but he said he didn't feel well. They've all been sick, so nothing unusual. At dinner SIL said he's tired of being nice about it and is going to do it his way. She told SIL if he continues this, she won't allow DGS around him. I told my daughter this is abusive and she needs to make a stand for her child that this will just get worse, blah, blah, blah. It's a good thing they live 900 miles away because I would be inhis face.

Anyway, I had two girls with no problems potty training. Did anyone else experience this with a son??

Prism99

I agree that this is abuse and that DGS should be protected from it.

On a different note, I know of the case of a 6yo girl with this problem. Her mother had taken her to physicians for two years without results. Finally, in exasperation, she took the child to an older, experienced chiropractor. After one session, the girl was better. It took only half a dozen sessions before the problem was permanently gone. The mother was so grateful she wrote up the experience for the doctor's 3-ring binder (which I paged through in the waiting room). I have been unable to find anything about this treatment by Googling, but it might be worth a few phone calls. My understanding is that the nerves were not relaying enough sensory information for the child to know when to get to the bathroom, and the chiropractic treatment re-aligned something. This would not be a problem specifically for one gender or another.

jillnjo

For a 4 yr old to be playing by himself is totally normal!! And he seems a bit young to be harsh about the problem. I suspect it would work itself out with kind and positive actions on the parents behalf. Not to say it doesn't need to be addressed and worked with. Ridicule will seldom bring good results-if ever! I do believe it disciplinary actions with firmness, but this could become a real struggle if not handled carefully.


I just read the above post and would agree that chiropractic care is something to consider. I know it has helped in many bed-wetting situations.

irishrose

I thought chiropractic treatmnets as soon a s I read your heading. A chiropractor/kinesiologist is preferable as he or she can treat muscle imbalances as well as spinal subluxations.

Grandma Peg

Sad situation. Hope it all works out. Had three boys and they were not hard to train. Now my DGS is close to 3 and has no interest in being trained. So I hope and pray this all works out also.

kso

So your son stopped pooping his pants in 4th grade? Why? What was the defining moment or issue? Does he think that the way his parents handled worked? Apparently not, if it lasted that long.

Keep documented trail of medical appointments, tests, etc. When he goes elementary school this will be an issue with school officials and who could possibly bring DGS to the attention of Child Protective Services and DD will need to prove the DGS is not being abused or neglected.

NanaCsews2

I can name 6 boys that had immature bowels. One was about 7 when he was able to get to the bathroom on time, the others between 4 and 5. Four were breastfed, the other 2 brothers were not, but they had feeding issues as infants and were on soy milk until eventually went to cows milk. Seemed the diet was changed many times to weed out what the issues were, but indeed an elderly pediatrician told the parents to not worry about it, no fussing, no drawing negative attention to it. There was no proof the diet had anything to do with it. It is more common in boys. Much praise with a smile on the face. Rewards didn't have to be candy or toys, but a day at the park, or helping mommy make cookies, etc. Eventually, the boys (three families) never had a problem with friends or nasty remarks or playing by themselves because of it. This probably had a lot to do with the parents relaxing about the issue. The teachers were a part of what was happening physically to the boys. They understood. This takes time. It will happen as nature meant it to be and hopefully there are no major underlying medical issues. I know. The 2 brothers are my sons, one is my nephew, and the other 3 brothers are very good friends of ours. Five are mature healthy adults with no lasting side effects, and one is a happy, well adjusted, cool 3rd grader. Best wishes to all of you. I pray everyone can remain calm, and keep tension at bay. Because that is the key.

earthwalker

If he has been to see a doctor I am assuming encopresis has been ruled out. If it is not encopresis or some other physical problem, my bet would be it is probably emotional. A nephew of mine had the same problem at around 8 years of age (this was due to abandonment by his mother). Your SIL getting angry about it is only going to compound the problem, sounds like he and your daughter need to get on the same page before trying to remedy the little guy's issue. Also talking about the problem in his hearing or making a big deal of it is certainly not going to help either. Perhaps a regular, peaceful and fibre rich routine may be the answer....just dealing with the "accidents" quietly and efficiently and then "moving on" to the next activity or whatever. Taking along wipes and spare underwear, getting him to tell a grownup when the accident happens. Maybe pre-school needs to be put on hold, 'til there is a significant improvement, no point in putting him under more stress unnecessarily. If your SIL had the same problem I would have thought he would have been more understanding....perhaps some family counselling might be in order, rather than just focussing on the child.

Sunnye

Tourette syndrome (mild case) can cause this problem. Others on this page have suggested other things which I don't discount. Since his dad had a problem, I assume it is inherited. This child needs to be seen by another doctor(s) and his dad needs to lay off the harsh words.

GladGrams

A a Grammy who lives many more than 900 miles away, my best advice is to do nothing and allow the family to work it out themselves. Be supportive, listen and only offer advice or do something if asked. Grandparents suffer when they see their children and grands having problems, but there is so little we can/should do other than "be there."