I'm taking up a fun collection for J Miller -
08-01-2013, 01:14 PM
#21
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08-02-2013, 03:32 AM
#22
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08-02-2013, 05:06 AM
#23
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1. She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful
eyes of her young granddaughter, as she'd done many times before. After
she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, "But
Grandma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!" I will probably
never put lipstick on again without thinking about kissing the toilet
paper good-bye....
2. My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He
asked me how old I was, and I told him, 62. My grandson was quiet for a
moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"
3. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into
old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she
heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew
thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their
room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the
room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was
THAT?"
4. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own
childhood was like. "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing
made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our
pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was
wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten
to know you sooner!"
5. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know
how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo and I said, "No,
how are we alike?'' "You're both old," he replied.
6. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word
processor. She told him she was writing a story.
"What's it about?" he asked. "I don't know," she replied. "I can't
read."
7. I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I
decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it
was. She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I
continued. At last, she headed for the door, saying, "Grandma, I think
you should try to figure out some of these colors yourself!"
8. When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the
lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects.
Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy
whispered, "It's no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us
with flashlights."
9. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm
not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandpa," he advised "Mine says I'm
4 to 6."
10. A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother,
"Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The
grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool.
"That's interesting." she said. "How do you make babies?" "It's simple,"
replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."
11. Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant," said
a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder
pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you
know what pregnant means?" she asked.
"Sure," said the young boy confidently. 'It means carrying a child."
12. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day
when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire
truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's
duties. "They use him to keep crowds back," said one child. "No," said
another. "He's just for good luck." A third child brought the argument
to a close."They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire
hydrants."
13. A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. "Oh," he said, "she
lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her. Then,
when we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport."
14. Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good things, but
I don't get to see him enough to get as smart as him!
15. My Grandparents are funny, when they bend over, you hear gas leaks
and they blame their dog.
eyes of her young granddaughter, as she'd done many times before. After
she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, "But
Grandma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!" I will probably
never put lipstick on again without thinking about kissing the toilet
paper good-bye....
2. My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He
asked me how old I was, and I told him, 62. My grandson was quiet for a
moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"
3. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into
old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she
heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew
thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their
room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the
room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was
THAT?"
4. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own
childhood was like. "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing
made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our
pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was
wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten
to know you sooner!"
5. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know
how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo and I said, "No,
how are we alike?'' "You're both old," he replied.
6. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word
processor. She told him she was writing a story.
"What's it about?" he asked. "I don't know," she replied. "I can't
read."
7. I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I
decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it
was. She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I
continued. At last, she headed for the door, saying, "Grandma, I think
you should try to figure out some of these colors yourself!"
8. When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the
lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects.
Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy
whispered, "It's no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us
with flashlights."
9. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm
not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandpa," he advised "Mine says I'm
4 to 6."
10. A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother,
"Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The
grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool.
"That's interesting." she said. "How do you make babies?" "It's simple,"
replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."
11. Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant," said
a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder
pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you
know what pregnant means?" she asked.
"Sure," said the young boy confidently. 'It means carrying a child."
12. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day
when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire
truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's
duties. "They use him to keep crowds back," said one child. "No," said
another. "He's just for good luck." A third child brought the argument
to a close."They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire
hydrants."
13. A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. "Oh," he said, "she
lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her. Then,
when we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport."
14. Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good things, but
I don't get to see him enough to get as smart as him!
15. My Grandparents are funny, when they bend over, you hear gas leaks
and they blame their dog.
08-04-2013, 01:52 AM
#26
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08-04-2013, 01:53 AM
#27
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08-05-2013, 02:00 AM
#28
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08-05-2013, 03:55 AM
#29
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Bisbee, AZ was the home of Walter Swan, famous for his One Book Bookstore. He wrote his memoirs but couldn't get anyone to publish them. Walter was one of the first people to publish his own book with a home computer and a few connections. His stories were about growing up in the area on a ranch and his older brother Henry, thus the title, Me and Henry.
Walter was in his seventies when his store opened two blocks from our house. My youngest, seven years old at the time, loved sitting in the store window, talking to Walter for hours. I've no idea what they talked about or why they enjoyed each other's company so much. I always knew where my child was. Everyone just assumed he was Walter's grandson cause they were always sitting in the window, jabbering away.
Their intense friendship endured over the years until we moved to Georgia. My son was devastated when Walter passed away. I asked him what they talked about and he couldn't remember. We are from a long line of story tellers so I guess they just told each other stories.
Walter was in his seventies when his store opened two blocks from our house. My youngest, seven years old at the time, loved sitting in the store window, talking to Walter for hours. I've no idea what they talked about or why they enjoyed each other's company so much. I always knew where my child was. Everyone just assumed he was Walter's grandson cause they were always sitting in the window, jabbering away.
Their intense friendship endured over the years until we moved to Georgia. My son was devastated when Walter passed away. I asked him what they talked about and he couldn't remember. We are from a long line of story tellers so I guess they just told each other stories.
Last edited by redmadder; 08-05-2013 at 03:57 AM.
08-05-2013, 04:03 AM
#30
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Victorian Sweatshop
Posts: 863
Somehow my son's copy of 'Me and Henry' got lost in the move. He was eighteen the year after Walter passed. His sister found an autographed copy and gave it to him as he was packing to head out to his father's house in Nevada.
I asked her how he liked her gift. I'm not sure, she said, He burst into tears.
I asked her how he liked her gift. I'm not sure, she said, He burst into tears.
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