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Thread: Am I being too harsh

  1. #1
    Senior Member Missi's Avatar
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    Ok so here is my question/dilemma/frustration. I am co-hosting a bachelorette party this weekend. The co-host has sent out the invitations - late I might add. I am hosting it it my house and cooking for 20. She hasn't asked if she can bring anything, give me money for all the groceries, come early and help set up, nothing. I don't feel like I should have to ask for her help shouldn't she ask if I need her to bring anything, make something, or even ask what time she should be there to help set up.

    Every person invited who has RSVP to me has asked if they can bring anything and/or if I need help with anything. Including the bride! Am I being to sensitive that I feel put out?
    Thanks!!!!!

  2. #2
    Senior Member mkanderson's Avatar
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    I don't think so! What are the "duties" of a "co-host"?
    My thought would be to"help"?????????????

  3. #3
    Super Member Ducky's Avatar
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    Missi, if it was me, I'd ask for help. I know from experience that it's just too much for one person. Perhaps she's waiting for you to ask....????

  4. #4
    omak's Avatar
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    (experience speaking here)
    If you didn't manage to get the "co-host" pinned down to what she figured her part in it is, and considering the fact that she sent the invitations out late ... i am guessing that "co-hosting" was also HER idea!
    Do what you want to do, in any manner you desire to do it .... and, keep her name in the frontal lobe of your brain as "doesn't play well with others" and don't bother to try again ... she has already told you what she thinks about "work" or "ethic" ...
    Having just re-read what you asked: I don't think you are being harsh, and you can drop the word "co-host" from your introduction of yourself. And, I am with you: If you have to ask her to do what "polite" people know how to do, then she isn't really helping, is she?
    However, do not allow yourself to be bitter ... just learn from the experience and rest assured that there really are people who will work well with you. Practice shrugging your shoulders, and let this roll off your shoulders. Life is too short to try to fix everyone, though that is usually what my feminine person wants to do that ... one casual acquaintance down, and another friend on the horizon .... keep looking up! and, SMILE! People will wonder what you are up to! LOL

  5. #5
    Power Poster amma's Avatar
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    I guess I feel like you, Co-Host equals Co-Work :roll: Be glad that you have had other offers of help and take them up on it! :wink: File this person in your mind as a not so close acquaintance and let it go..... Next time someone asks you to Co-Host, maybe you could sit down with them at that time and each of you define what your tasks/responsibilities will be. I hope your party is fun and not too stressful for you :D :D

  6. #6
    community benefactor Knot Sew's Avatar
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    Don't be bashful and you won't feel resentful.....tell her you need her there and the time to help with the food prep...and other prep....she may think you want to do it all yourself. This happened to me...I waited for her to ask for ideas etc,,,she told everyone I didn't help. I told everyone she wanted to do everything her way by herself. You just can't read minds...tell her and see what happens

  7. #7
    omak's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ruth Camp
    Don't be bashful and you won't feel resentful..... You just can't read minds...tell her and see what happens
    Thank you, Ruth ... I had forgotten my father's advice:

    They can't shoot your for asking, but they can tell you "no" ... however, if you never ask, you will never know.

    To be fair ... without talking to her, you don't know what she will or will not do ... that is fair ... Ruth had very good advice, indeed!
    One time, I was going to help someone do something, and waited for a meeting date ... asked for a meeting date to set things up ... and, it never happened ... turns out, neither one of us knew who the final authority on anything was! Without that designated at the beginning, too much is assumed ...

  8. #8
    Super Member quiltnut4ever's Avatar
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    Whoever is participating in planning and all should be helping. I would feel senstive about and in a friendly way remind that person.

  9. #9
    Power Poster MadQuilter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by omak
    and, keep her name in the frontal lobe of your brain as "doesn't play well with others" and don't bother to try again ... she has already told you what she thinks about "work" or "ethic" ...
    U crack me up.


    How true. Co-hosting ususally implies a shared or split (and shared) set of responsibilities. It sounds that you ASSUMED that she knew the rules. Apparently, she doesn't. Oh well!

    If you want to assign her some co-hosting responsibility at this late stage, then give her the chore (but be advised that she may not do it/do it right/do it late). Or you can just DO the shower, enjoy that the guest of honor appreciates the gift of the shower and file the experience for next time.

    A friend of mine threw a shower for a co-worker. When it came time to open gifts, the guest of honor asked my friend: Oh, where is your gift? Such class!

  10. #10
    Senior Member Missi's Avatar
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    Thanks for all your advice!!!

    I cleaned house last weekend so that is done, and if they think it needs dusted again I will gladly give them the dust cloth and the pledge :)

    Cooking is left and I should be able to handle it, especially if I do some stuff this evening. I am doing taco salad bowls. The deli at the grocery store is frying the bowls up for me and I bought the good fried tortilla chips for a Mexican restaurant here in town. I can make the chicken and beef tonight and am serving them out of a crockpot tomorrow. That just leaves the fresh salsa and guacamole for tomorrow. Can anyone think of anything I am forgetting? There will be margaritas of course and dessert is hot fudge brownie sundae.

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