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Thread: Am I being too harsh

  1. #1
    Senior Member Missi's Avatar
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    Ok so here is my question/dilemma/frustration. I am co-hosting a bachelorette party this weekend. The co-host has sent out the invitations - late I might add. I am hosting it it my house and cooking for 20. She hasn't asked if she can bring anything, give me money for all the groceries, come early and help set up, nothing. I don't feel like I should have to ask for her help shouldn't she ask if I need her to bring anything, make something, or even ask what time she should be there to help set up.

    Every person invited who has RSVP to me has asked if they can bring anything and/or if I need help with anything. Including the bride! Am I being to sensitive that I feel put out?
    Thanks!!!!!

  2. #2
    Senior Member mkanderson's Avatar
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    I don't think so! What are the "duties" of a "co-host"?
    My thought would be to"help"?????????????

  3. #3
    Super Member Ducky's Avatar
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    Missi, if it was me, I'd ask for help. I know from experience that it's just too much for one person. Perhaps she's waiting for you to ask....????

  4. #4
    Super Member omak's Avatar
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    (experience speaking here)
    If you didn't manage to get the "co-host" pinned down to what she figured her part in it is, and considering the fact that she sent the invitations out late ... i am guessing that "co-hosting" was also HER idea!
    Do what you want to do, in any manner you desire to do it .... and, keep her name in the frontal lobe of your brain as "doesn't play well with others" and don't bother to try again ... she has already told you what she thinks about "work" or "ethic" ...
    Having just re-read what you asked: I don't think you are being harsh, and you can drop the word "co-host" from your introduction of yourself. And, I am with you: If you have to ask her to do what "polite" people know how to do, then she isn't really helping, is she?
    However, do not allow yourself to be bitter ... just learn from the experience and rest assured that there really are people who will work well with you. Practice shrugging your shoulders, and let this roll off your shoulders. Life is too short to try to fix everyone, though that is usually what my feminine person wants to do that ... one casual acquaintance down, and another friend on the horizon .... keep looking up! and, SMILE! People will wonder what you are up to! LOL

  5. #5
    Power Poster amma's Avatar
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    I guess I feel like you, Co-Host equals Co-Work :roll: Be glad that you have had other offers of help and take them up on it! :wink: File this person in your mind as a not so close acquaintance and let it go..... Next time someone asks you to Co-Host, maybe you could sit down with them at that time and each of you define what your tasks/responsibilities will be. I hope your party is fun and not too stressful for you :D :D

  6. #6
    community benefactor Knot Sew's Avatar
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    Don't be bashful and you won't feel resentful.....tell her you need her there and the time to help with the food prep...and other prep....she may think you want to do it all yourself. This happened to me...I waited for her to ask for ideas etc,,,she told everyone I didn't help. I told everyone she wanted to do everything her way by herself. You just can't read minds...tell her and see what happens

  7. #7
    Super Member omak's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ruth Camp
    Don't be bashful and you won't feel resentful..... You just can't read minds...tell her and see what happens
    Thank you, Ruth ... I had forgotten my father's advice:

    They can't shoot your for asking, but they can tell you "no" ... however, if you never ask, you will never know.

    To be fair ... without talking to her, you don't know what she will or will not do ... that is fair ... Ruth had very good advice, indeed!
    One time, I was going to help someone do something, and waited for a meeting date ... asked for a meeting date to set things up ... and, it never happened ... turns out, neither one of us knew who the final authority on anything was! Without that designated at the beginning, too much is assumed ...

  8. #8
    Super Member quiltnut4ever's Avatar
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    Whoever is participating in planning and all should be helping. I would feel senstive about and in a friendly way remind that person.

  9. #9
    Power Poster MadQuilter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by omak
    and, keep her name in the frontal lobe of your brain as "doesn't play well with others" and don't bother to try again ... she has already told you what she thinks about "work" or "ethic" ...
    U crack me up.


    How true. Co-hosting ususally implies a shared or split (and shared) set of responsibilities. It sounds that you ASSUMED that she knew the rules. Apparently, she doesn't. Oh well!

    If you want to assign her some co-hosting responsibility at this late stage, then give her the chore (but be advised that she may not do it/do it right/do it late). Or you can just DO the shower, enjoy that the guest of honor appreciates the gift of the shower and file the experience for next time.

    A friend of mine threw a shower for a co-worker. When it came time to open gifts, the guest of honor asked my friend: Oh, where is your gift? Such class!

  10. #10
    Senior Member Missi's Avatar
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    Thanks for all your advice!!!

    I cleaned house last weekend so that is done, and if they think it needs dusted again I will gladly give them the dust cloth and the pledge :)

    Cooking is left and I should be able to handle it, especially if I do some stuff this evening. I am doing taco salad bowls. The deli at the grocery store is frying the bowls up for me and I bought the good fried tortilla chips for a Mexican restaurant here in town. I can make the chicken and beef tonight and am serving them out of a crockpot tomorrow. That just leaves the fresh salsa and guacamole for tomorrow. Can anyone think of anything I am forgetting? There will be margaritas of course and dessert is hot fudge brownie sundae.

  11. #11
    Super Member beachlady's Avatar
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    Of course she should help!!!! On the lighter side ......maybe she is providing the strippers!!!

  12. #12
    Super Member Dawn Hendrix's Avatar
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    Mexican WHITE SAUCE!

  13. #13
    Moderator sharon b's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Missi
    Can anyone think of anything I am forgetting? There will be margaritas of course and dessert is hot fudge brownie sundae.
    Directions ??? :lol: LOL Time ???

    Sounds like you have it all under control. Too bad the "co-host" has fizzled out, but as the others say, file it away under experience and don't let it ruin you party !
    Hope you have a great time
    Sharon

  14. #14
    Super Member butterflywing's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ducky
    Missi, if it was me, I'd ask for help. I know from experience that it's just too much for one person. Perhaps she's waiting for you to ask....????
    maybe she's waiting to take a nap? because she's exhausted from sending out late invitations?

    when people compliment you and your co-host, don't be bashful about taking all the credit. like "thank you so much. i didn't know if i would have time to do it all, but i did manage to fit it all in. it wasn't easy, believe me." smile as you say this. venting is good. venting with smile is great.

  15. #15
    Super Member Sharon M's Avatar
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    LOTS of good advise here! Be gracious and smile a lot :D :D :D . You can always say (with a smile of course) you were so busy doing everything you don't know what you would have done if (whats her name) hadn't finally got the invitations sent out. :wink:
    by the way can you take a picture of the spread so we will feel like we attended without gaining any weight from the yummy sounding food?

  16. #16
    Moderator littlehud's Avatar
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    That really is sad. Some people want the credit without doing any work. Take a deep breath and let it go. You know what you did for your friend by throwing the party for her and I'm betting she knows or will know it was done by you alone. Just smile and have fun there.

  17. #17
    Super Member omak's Avatar
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    are you going to play games?
    I like the games BEST!

  18. #18
    pal
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    I would call her up and say that I was hoping that she would be able to to get the supplies for the margaritas, and without stopping to breathe, I would start reading the list of supplies. I would tell her that I had meant to call earlier, but with all of the things that had to be done, I just
    didn't get a chance to call sooner.

    It's better to get some help than no help. I would also let her pick up any flowers or last minute noshes.

    If she is not a person who entertains, maybe she is oblivious of what
    is involved in throwing a party. Give her a chance to help.

  19. #19
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    I can't image anyone being so "helpful". "Co-host" doesn't mean that you do everything along with supplying everything. Apparently everyone but her have no manners or consideration. If she asks you to do something else, remember this incident.

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by mkanderson
    I don't think so! What are the "duties" of a "co-host"?
    My thought would be to"help"?????????????
    I agree 100%

  21. #21
    Super Member Tiffany's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by omak
    are you going to play games?
    I like the games BEST!
    Ew! The games are the part I hate the most and the reason I will avoid most baby showers unless they are good friends of mine!

    I think you 'Co-Host' is a boob. That said, it could be she is waiting to be told what to do. I think Pal has a great idea, call her up and give her a list of stuff to do/bring and don't give her a chance to say no. And at the party, give her chores, such as setting the table or getting everyone refills on their drinks, et cetera.

    Are you available to do a shower for me? I am too old to have a baby, I'm already married, and there is nothing of interest going on in my life, but I can make something up if you need an excuse to give another party! :lol:

  22. #22
    Power Poster BellaBoo's Avatar
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    It may be too late to get her to do anything but take credit for a job well done. She may just be so self serving she actually thinks sending out invitations is doing a lot.

  23. #23
    Super Member omak's Avatar
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    [quote=Tiffany]
    Quote Originally Posted by omak

    Are you available to do a shower for me? I am too old to have a baby, I'm already married, and there is nothing of interest going on in my life, but I can make something up if you need an excuse to give another party! :lol:
    Practice makes perfect!

  24. #24
    Super Member MissTreated's Avatar
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    While I think it unfair of her to "co-host" and not pull her share of the weight, I labor under the motto, "don't expect anything and you won't be disappointed." That little saying has gotten me through a number of situations, including a live in BIL who stayed for 2 years, 3 months, 5 days, 11 hours and 34 minutes (but who's counting) and did nothing.

    M

  25. #25
    Senior Member Missi's Avatar
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    Thanks for all your words of wisdom. We had a fantastic time - I felt it all day Sunday!!!!!!

    The "co-host" did herself in, she was late by almost a half hour and then left early to go see her boyfriend. The bride was not happy and everyone figured it out pretty easily how much she hadn't done and they all thanked me for everything I had done. I did it for the bride and she had a great time and that is all that mattered.

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