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Thread: How To Sell Your Sister

  1. #1
    Super Member Alu_Rathbone's Avatar
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    I wrote this for English a few weeks ago. I recieved a 98% on the paper due to minor errors. I thought I'd share it with you for a laugh.

    How to Sell Your Sister

    Do you have a younger sibling or rather younger sister that is driving you nuts and you want to get rid of her? Then this process is for you! I have come up with a fool proof way of ridding yourself of that nuisance your parents decided to bring home. In just a matter of minutes you can transform your life from the scapegoat to the only child! In just three easy to follow steps, you and your parents can be free of the burden of looking after another child.

    In this first step, all you have to do is propose a trade to your neighbor or your local pet shop. How this is accomplished is by approaching the neighbor or pet shop owner and suggesting they trade their pet for your sister. Now, it is suggested that you go for a dog, since this will fetch the same amount in the pet shop as your parents most likely paid for the child in question. Yes, fifteen hundred dollars is a lot for a human, but at least you will not have to pay that for the dog now that you have traded your sister. If this fails, and I don’t see how it possibly could, you can always opt for step two.

    Step two is much like step one and a little bit like Ebay, you ask complete strangers if they will buy your sister. You start the asking price at about fifty cents and if this is still too low, you may raise the price. Trust me when I say no one, even a gypsy, is going to pay more than twenty dollars for a child, so you must be willing to bargain with the potential buyer. Be sure to name all the best attributes this child just so happens to have, like they sleep through the night, they are potty trained and they don’t smell like old dirty socks or dirty diapers. If they are unwilling to buy your sister, then you must opt for the last and final step.

    Step three is a last resort and should only be used in extremely hard to sell cases. You will need to ask your parents if there really are gypsies that buy children and not return them to their original owners. I know this may sound crazy but trust me when I say, so many children are returned solely because they refuse to do any work or are not accustomed to the strenuous travel. There are many gypsy groups that have a strict no return to original owner policy; these particular groups are very hard to find, especially in this economy. All you need to do is find one and sell your sister for the lowest agreed upon price.

    If any of these wonderful steps fail, there is the option to graduate high school and move away to college. Once at college you are free of the turmoil your sister can bring to your life. Yes, you will still need to be under the same roof as them during holiday vacations and summer vacation, but at least you will have eight to nine months of no sibling rivalry. If you found this to be informative, please pick up a copy of, “How to Freak Out Your College Roommate: And Get That Dorm Room to Yourself”. All proceeds from this publication and others go to the Alu Rathbone College Fund.

  2. #2
    Super Member cherylynne's Avatar
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    It's a really funny piece. Many people can relate to the emotions and situations described. Have fun writing in other genre, too.

  3. #3
    Super Member Tink's Mom's Avatar
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    very nice story....however, I regret to inform you that your sister will still be a pain in your @#$ for many, many, many years...ask me...mine is 50 and still acts up in public. I have learned to ignore most of her antics, but she still can annoy me.

  4. #4
    Super Member Alu_Rathbone's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tink's Mom
    very nice story....however, I regret to inform you that your sister will still be a pain in your @#$ for many, many, many years...ask me...mine is 50 and still acts up in public. I have learned to ignore most of her antics, but she still can annoy me.
    Haha! I know!!! I tried to be rid of her, it just never worked! ha! Ah well!

    Thank you!

  5. #5
    Super Member bjnicholson's Avatar
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    Well, I thought I was put on earth just to mess with my prissy little sister and I never hesitate when/if I get the chance! (I'm 68, she's 64...)

  6. #6
    Super Member Alu_Rathbone's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bjnicholson
    Well, I thought I was put on earth just to mess with my prissy little sister and I never hesitate when/if I get the chance! (I'm 68, she's 64...)
    hehe... we argue like cats and dogs, but we love each other! we are five years apart, and I'm the oldest. I don't have this issue with my youngest sister. Shes ten years younger than me.

  7. #7
    Super Member bjnicholson's Avatar
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    We don't argue. I'm very nonconfrontational. If she says something I don't agree with, I just pass on it and change the subject.

  8. #8
    Super Member Alu_Rathbone's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bjnicholson
    We don't argue. I'm very nonconfrontational. If she says something I don't agree with, I just pass on it and change the subject.
    My sister is 17 and just had a baby back in march... things have mellowed since then... but I was her pregnancy enemy.

  9. #9
    mygirl66's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tink's Mom
    very nice story....however, I regret to inform you that your sister will still be a pain in your @#$ for many, many, many years...ask me...mine is 50 and still acts up in public. I have learned to ignore most of her antics, but she still can annoy me.
    OMG! We have the same sister!?

  10. #10
    Super Member Barbm's Avatar
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    I regret to inform you Alu- the gypsies are a fairy tale. I waited for years for them to come for my sisters. hehe. I have 5 sisters and none ever went away. I get along with 1 because she never calls, but when we are together I want to throw up after 5 minutes. My sister, 15 mos. younger than me- always beat me up as a kid and now we get along famously. The next 3 are various degrees of constant irritation. I have learned to ignore people from having to deal with these women.

    And prayers don't work either- I used to pray to God that I was adopted and my real family would show up for me. (Now that I think of it- do you think my real siblings sold me to the gypsies and that means they will never come for me?)

    Someday you will learn to love your sister for the PITA she is and let things slide for peace in the family. (Although it took me 50 years figure that out.)

    BTW- great writing- I enjoyed reading it and I now have a smile on my face. :)

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