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Thread: When do you quit giving gifts to "kids"

  1. #51
    Super Member karate lady's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by joyce j View Post
    I have been giving to my grand kids for every thing . Weddings, babies , Christmas. an never a thank you , except from the 2 oldest. I have decided that next year they get nothing from me. I dont even get a Christmas card from any of them .Except like I said ,the 2 oldest. I have 9 grand and 5 going on 6 great grand. So this is my thoughts on the deal.
    I have 11 grand kids, and 12 great grands. (#13 due in spring) I am on social security, so quite a while ago I had to let family know I would not be buying gifts as I just could not afford it. Most of them do not mind and the others I never hear from any way. I have made fleece blankets for a lot of them and am now making quilts. At my age I probably won't get enough for everyone, but no one seems upset about it. Sometimes you just have to stop buying things and find other ways to show your love. Seems to work in my family. (I had 5 of my own, raised 2 others)

  2. #52
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    for those that has not sent a TY The next holiday that comes up and they are expecting a gift I would send them a card and inform them that a donation was given to SA/Church/Heart/Cancer/St.Judes instead of sending them a gift. it would be a good lesson to them if you send email or texts them. that way you would not have to buy cards or stamps.

  3. #53
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    If they didn't care to acknowledge the gift, I wouldn't care enough to give it! I never know if my DGD gets or likes the gifts I send her, but she's only 4. When she gets old enough to write and/or call, we will see how the gift giving goes!

  4. #54
    Super Member sew_Tracy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DeAnne-Mn. View Post
    Don't know all the story, don't need to. I just try to remember that those who are the least loveable are usually the one's who need loving the most. I didn't say it was easy to do, sometimes it seems impossible. Merry Christmas to All.
    Thanks for that...guilt sets in. Merry Christmas to you too.
    From the artist formerly known as Missus Fear...Hi, my name is Tracy and I am a hobbyaholic.
    http://www.quiltingboard.com/blogs/m...ear-79671.html

  5. #55
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    I gave a very time-consuming baby quilt to my niece's grand-daughter (my great niece??)...never got a reply or a thank you FROM EITHER THE MOTHER OR THE NIECE....so guess who WON'T get another gift with all that time invested in it? In fact, I never even heard if the quilt got there....so, ! I mean, how long does it take to email a quick thank-you?
    If you feel like you're special...it's 'cause you are!
    Momto5

  6. #56
    Super Member jeanharville's Avatar
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    We stop giving to the grandkids at 18 or when they finish high school, whichever comes first. I do have one son whose kids never write a thank you note, text, fb, e-mail or anything. I told them at Thanksgiving, that I wanted the GD to acknowlege her gift in some way. We'll see if it happens. She's 14, plenty old enough to do that. But she's a very demanding child with them and they let her get by with that too.I wish I had thought about including thankyou notes in her Christmas gift this year. But her birthday is in March, so maybe then.
    jean

  7. #57
    Senior Member w7sue's Avatar
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    My niece and nephew very seldom sent thank you notes and for birthday's, I usually had to BEG them to cash the checks so they would clear my account - the check I sent my nephew in July for his birthday is still uncashed - several messages sent via FB - he won't be getting a Christmas check! He is in college and should know better.

    My niece has said some incredibly ugly things this year so her family won't be receiving any gifts - my heart just isn't in it ... she said on FB that "some people" (meaning me) made it all about them ... this is the same child who had new clothes for school and even food on the table because of me when she was growing up - her mom (my sister) was a single mom and always struggled financially. As an adult, she has never acknowledged any contributions made by family to support them and it has hurt me a lot. I know I shouldn't let it bother me and it's not that she doesn't or hasn't said thanks, but she could at least be nice ... we have so little family left we should be nicer to each other.

  8. #58
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    Since my parents passed away many years ago, I feel some sense of responsibility to step in for my mother. I send something, usually a card with a nominal amount of money to my nieces and nephews; all ages 19-21, for accomplishments in their lives. I always receive a Thank You card from my brother's children, who have maternal grandparents. I receive nothing from my sister's children, who have no living grandparents.
    We stopped giving gifts to our children for bdays and Christmas just a few years ago. After paying the occasional utility bills, rent, gas money, car insurance; not only did it become too much of a routine, it became a financial burden for us. Economic times have been hard these last few years for DH and I. So gifts to our adult children and their wives stopped. It was hard to say that we would no longer help them out financially. We said we wouldn't help them when they married, however, when there are grandchildren involved, our perception and plan of action changed. We do not pay anything to help out with their living expenses but we do buy school clothes/summer and winter clothes for all of our grandchildren. I also make some of their clothes and each one of them has a quilt to keep them warm.
    Although none of our dil's sew or quilt, our grandchildren are aware that what I make for them is time consuming. They appreciate hand made gifts and always tell me how much it means to them to have something made just for them. We always receive gift acknowledgement from our oldest son's children and step children; even for a weekend visit away from home where no gifts are exchanged. These days, I rarely receive a Thank You card from them but I always receive a gracious and appreciative phone call; in fact, I'm happier knowing that they didn't spend their money on a $5 card plus postage with some machine printed sentiment. I'd rather our son spend the card and postage money on the kids or themselves. Our other sons know right from wrong but choose to not acknowledge or seem to appreciate what we do for them; one son chooses to focus on what he's not getting from us. Too bad for them that they get nothing from us or I'd give them a lump of coal; but we do what we can to see that their children have what they truly NEED.

  9. #59
    Super Member noveltyjunkie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hopetoquilt View Post
    . One of my biggest pet peeves is when one person gets angry at another because he/she did not live up to an unsaid expectation.
    What she said!! We do it to ourselves by refusing to communicate and choosing instead to be angry and resentful.

  10. #60
    Junior Member DeAnne-Mn.'s Avatar
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    Well said by both of you. Life is too short to waste it on anger or hurt feelings. I had to learn that the hard way from both sides of the equation.
    DeAnne

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