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Thread: When do you quit giving gifts to "kids"

  1. #76
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    re: thanks

    Quote Originally Posted by Traditional View Post
    I taught my children from a young age if you don't have time to write a thank you note you don't have time to spend the money from Grandparents.
    Someone (daughter in law) told the kids, when someone expects a Thnak You, they are looking for gratitude..What a shame to think that way.

  2. #77
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    Quote Originally Posted by ckcowl View Post
    can't really blame the children if their parents never taught them to always send a 'thank-you'...
    my neices (in their 20's now) have ALWAYS sent a brief message-some sort of note to let me know they received a gift- regardless of circumstances- they were taught as very young girls to sit down & write thank you's -- my own kids (now in their 30's- and their children---teens) always sit down & write notes of thanks-- during the quiet time after birthday parties- in the afternoon on Christmas---when ever they have a few quiet moments-
    i still always set down & write a note letting people know i am thinking of them---it's all in the way a person is raised.
    as for 'age to quite giving'.... i don't really think an age should have much to do with it- gifts are supposed to come from the heart- not be a commitment-unless your family draws names or has some (tradition) way to handle the adults-
    in our family when the kids started having kids- the (kids) always receive a gift from anyone who can afford-wants to give one- no one is expected-forced to give gifts-
    as for the adults- sometimes some of us give gifts to adults in the family- again- they are not expected- no one feels slighted if they do not get one- and someone else does- we have a large family- sometimes we get lots done & many people get gifts, sometimes time/finances restrict that- everyone works, has lives- know how things are- its a gift- not an expectation- and everyone says thank you- all that being said- my youngest son (in the navy- busy) is the worst about the thank-you's...he just seems to have other things on his mind- it does not mean we stop loving him,,or refuse to give to him...when we have sent him something & weeks go by without hearing from him we generally give him a call- & ask---did your package arrive ok---then he always says---yes- i loved it! thank you!...
    giving should come from the heart- if your heart is not in it-it's meaningless- so don't bother-
    we were taught to not give with expectations attached; just like giving to charity---give because the act of giving is reward enough---not the 'pat on the back from others'
    This is it in a nutshell, being thankful has to be taught and shown starting with having little ones draw pictures pre-writing, ask them what they want to say and print it until they are able and hope they will continue being thankful once they leave home. Unfortunately, too many children today feel entitled and are not thankful, just expectant. I wonder what kind of husbands and wives they will make when each feels entitled, I guess debt-ridden spouses.
    I think another thing missing is teaching children to give to others and have a heart for others' needs.

  3. #78
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    Quote Originally Posted by Traditional View Post
    I taught my children from a young age if you don't have time to write a thank you note you don't have time to spend the money from Grandparents.
    How true this is, too many kids think relatives are to buy them the moon and they are disatisfied with it 5 minutes after receiving it. Children today need to think less of self and more of others, where is the love, why is it too often expressed and expected to translate into material things, toys or money? Again, there is a lack of raising children to think of others, the children are running too many homes with the parents in tow.

  4. #79
    Super Member Momma_K's Avatar
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    I have to be honest and say I really have the greatest grandkids ever! Several are 20, 2 are 19, 0ne is 21 and two 13 yr olds. And finally Mary Grace is 7. They don't expect much and still grateful enough to give me the biggest hugs! So big I can't breathe from my oldest grandsons! My grand daughters are as thankful and so sweet with the hugs. I get kisses on the cheek from the boys to where I could cry from the warmth I feel in my heart. I could get them anything from a candy bar to a $50.00 tablet and I still recieve such thanks. Not long ago I helped my grand daughter, one of the 13 yr olds to get a pair of basketball shoes for school. She was thrilled and her school won every game this season...I have to bragg and say she is one of the top players! One of our local colleges asked her to play on their ladys basketball team next year! I am truely blessed. I reckon it's because I'm the oldest of 7 kids and we all grew up with respect and learned how to be thankful for what we had which wasn't much to be honest. I just thank God for everyone of my grandchildren and 3 daughters. I couldn't ask for better.
    Thank You Lord for answering my prayers, in this I am truely blessed!

  5. #80
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    Same here - too many of them!

  6. #81
    Junior Member FabrikQueen's Avatar
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    Like everyone else, I'm sick and tired of sending gifts to people (family included) without so much as a thank you from any of them. So, last year I completely stopped sending gifts to the people that couldn't be bothered to send any type of acknowledgment. The surprising thing, I'm not sure if any of them even noticed! Oh well, I did what I felt I had to do and that's the end of it.

  7. #82
    Super Member Peckish's Avatar
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    Obviously a sore topic!

  8. #83
    Super Member noveltyjunkie's Avatar
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    Sounds like your DIL has been around some cold people. There is no point pretending they are not out there, sadly. Hopefully you can show that others are kinder in their intent!
    Quote Originally Posted by Nickky View Post
    Someone (daughter in law) told the kids, when someone expects a Thnak You, they are looking for gratitude..What a shame to think that way.

  9. #84
    Super Member noveltyjunkie's Avatar
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    Lovely window on your world there- thanks for sharing!
    Quote Originally Posted by Momma_K View Post
    I have to be honest and say I really have the greatest grandkids ever! Several are 20, 2 are 19, 0ne is 21 and two 13 yr olds. And finally Mary Grace is 7. They don't expect much and still grateful enough to give me the biggest hugs! So big I can't breathe from my oldest grandsons! My grand daughters are as thankful and so sweet with the hugs. I get kisses on the cheek from the boys to where I could cry from the warmth I feel in my heart. I could get them anything from a candy bar to a $50.00 tablet and I still recieve such thanks. Not long ago I helped my grand daughter, one of the 13 yr olds to get a pair of basketball shoes for school. She was thrilled and her school won every game this season...I have to bragg and say she is one of the top players! One of our local colleges asked her to play on their ladys basketball team next year! I am truely blessed. I reckon it's because I'm the oldest of 7 kids and we all grew up with respect and learned how to be thankful for what we had which wasn't much to be honest. I just thank God for everyone of my grandchildren and 3 daughters. I couldn't ask for better.

  10. #85
    Super Member Momma_K's Avatar
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    Thank you Noveltyjunkie!! It's just a picture I found on the internet somewhere. I WISH it were like that here. But sad enough we rarely ever see snow in Southern TN... I was raised in Northern IL in Rockford and very much use to the snow! I miss it as you can tell...
    Thank You Lord for answering my prayers, in this I am truely blessed!

  11. #86
    Senior Member Cagey's Avatar
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    I have always sent gift cards to my 2 nieces from my Mom as she is not able to get out any more. One lives in New Yrk and the other in Australia. We haven't received a thank you in the 2 years I've been doing this. for that matter, We never receive a thank you from their parents (my brother and wife) either. When I ask them if they received the package they say they did but never acknowledge it. Guess it runs in the family. Decided not to give the nieces anything this year but will continue to send to my brother from my Mom.

  12. #87
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    Quote Originally Posted by Susan G. View Post
    We quit giving to the nieces and nephews when they turned 18.
    We quit when they 18!

  13. #88
    Super Member Wanabee Quiltin's Avatar
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    I think you have our permission to stop giving gifts to these particular relatives. This past summer I talked to my pastor about buying gifts for my adult children who have way too much of everything and can buy anything they want. I really don't like buying them gifts anymore, it seems to be more stressful each year. He told me it was fine to stop buying adult children gifts, so this year I made a large donation to charity. I also told them that I did not want any gifts as I was 'blessed' enough. Everyone was happy with my idea (probably not DIL) but that's OK. I am buying the 5 grandchildren gifts still but only until they are 21 years old, which isn't too far off. I usually bake cookies and banana bread and loads of candy to give away, but this year I did not do it. We were leaving town soon and my DH said I needed to rethink the baking also. It was very freeing for me and I had a great holiday season. I did give away some to a relative who is handicapped and can't fix it for herself, but that was all I did. I had a natural holiday this year.

  14. #89
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    We stopped at age 18. I feel the kids you don't write thank-you's were not taught to do it by their parents. Shame on them.
    Mavis

  15. #90
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    We can't blame all the bad habits of the children on their parents. Most parents did not teach their children to drink, use drugs, sleep around, stop going to church and many did in fact have them write thank you notes when they were young. Adults do what they deem is important to them. They certainly are capable of deciding for themselves what is of a priority in their lives. The priorities of one generation or several generations past is not evidently a priority in the younger generations. Don't blame it on their parents.

  16. #91
    Senior Member quilter1943's Avatar
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    If they didn't respond for two years, the third year they got a card. One of my sisters and I had issues over it, but I'm sorry they were just too busy to write or call.
    Nana Jan
    Friendships are gifts from God that should be cherished and nourished

  17. #92
    Super Member Sandygirl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wanabee Quiltin View Post
    I think you have our permission to stop giving gifts to these particular relatives. This past summer I talked to my pastor about buying gifts for my adult children who have way too much of everything and can buy anything they want. I really don't like buying them gifts anymore, it seems to be more stressful each year. He told me it was fine to stop buying adult children gifts, so this year I made a large donation to charity. I also told them that I did not want any gifts as I was 'blessed' enough. Everyone was happy with my idea (probably not DIL) but that's OK. I am buying the 5 grandchildren gifts still but only until they are 21 years old, which isn't too far off. I usually bake cookies and banana bread and loads of candy to give away, but this year I did not do it. We were leaving town soon and my DH said I needed to rethink the baking also. It was very freeing for me and I had a great holiday season. I did give away some to a relative who is handicapped and can't fix it for herself, but that was all I did. I had a natural holiday this year.
    I love your last line about having a natural holiday! I did too! It is freeing!

    Sandy
    Sandygirl

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  18. #93
    Super Member nygal's Avatar
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    I have over the years mailed out a few money wedding gifts to friends adult children getting married. I never received any thank you's. I still can't get over it. A few years ago a close friend's daugther had her first baby and I sent a lot of nice clothes for the baby. My friend thanked me but not a word or note from the new mother. I won't be sending anything else if she has a second child. I think it's horrible not to say thank you by mail or email or even text. NO excuse.

    A friend of mine she and her husband still give gift cards to their four adult married children on birthdays, anniversaries and Christmas. But my friend and her husband receive NOTHING from these adult children..not even a card on any special day!!! They all work they are not poverty sticken but even a card would be a treat for my friend. At Christmas they give one nice gift to each of their 11 grandchildren in person but not their parents. But my friend says even that is becoming a burden.

    This friend babysits often for all of these Grandkids. She is the kind that cannot say no. But yet I hear about it all the time.

    LIfe is too short. If it is a burden then I say time to find a new way of doing things or stopping things so it won't be a burden.
    Last edited by nygal; 01-04-2013 at 05:59 AM.
    When it seems like the world is falling to pieces remember that the pieces are falling into place. We are nearing closer to the End Times.

  19. #94
    Super Member Sandygirl's Avatar
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    I never recieved a thank you fr the HS graduation $$ i sent to the daughter of one of my closest friends. I think her mom woud be very unhappy to know this but I did not mention it. I will skip the College graduation gift entitlement in a few years. I work hard for my $$$ and I need to save for my retirement. Sad.

    Sandy
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