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Thread: When do you quit giving gifts to "kids"

  1. #26
    Super Member Annaquilts's Avatar
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    I think by the sound of it you should have stopped a long time ago. I am sorry they never acknowledge the gifts.
    Anna Quilts

  2. #27
    Super Member Sandygirl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MissSongbird View Post
    It's hard for me to really answer this being that I'm 20, but my aunts still give me gifts. Well, only one of my aunts gives me a Christmas present and sent birthday cards religiously. My other aunts will get me something if they see something I like or the "fits" me. I'm very appreciative of the gifts I recieve because for some of my family it's hard going. So when they give me something I'm very grateful. Also I love to know that they think of me in these times. I'm very thankful for my family.
    I hope that you thank them! Something tells me that you do. You sound like a sweet person.
    Sandy
    Sandygirl

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  3. #28
    Super Member Sandygirl's Avatar
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    Not this year.
    Sandy
    Sandygirl

    Janome 9900 / Janome 9700 / Janome Decor 3050 / Janome 1100D serger
    Singer Centennial model (inherited from my late, fav aunt!)

  4. #29
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    My thoughts on this would be to stop at 18. I came from a family of 10 kids, and have 28 nieces and nephews, so with that many kids, we never gifted to anyone outside the family for Christmas.

  5. #30
    Super Member Jan in VA's Avatar
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    When my sister first became a single parent, my DH and I made her family our Christmas Angel family. After 3 years of major gift giving and no responses from them - they were all over 10 years old and my sister was included in the thank you neglect - we stopped doing it.

    Not a word was *ever* mentioned about their receiving these gifts OR our eventually stopping giving them.

    These kids are now in their 30s with children of their own. Their mom died 18 months ago of cancer and I promised her I'd stand in as her representative with them for as long as they needed me. I still do not do gifts, they have much more income than I do, but have given small thoughtful gifts to their children for their young birthdays. That will also stop in a few years as they grow older and I grow "poorer". Nobody seems to be offended by any of this. We all get together for Thanksgiving, birthdays and Christmas meals, traveling several hours to do so. It's enough. Christmas should be about love, family, fellowship, celebration......not gifts.
    Only my mother, daughters and their spouse, and grandson receive gifts from me. Friends receive my love, a card, a holiday lunch together, a service or trade, a homemade food gift, or a small plant.

    Jan in VA
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  6. #31
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    After two years of this, I put a note in the card that said, "If you don't call me or write me to say thank you, there will be no more gifts from me."

    And I did it. That solved that problem. I figured someone had to tell them it was customary to thank the giver for a gift. By the way, the parents had taught them to thank people for gifts, they just felt that the rules of etiquette didn't apply to them.

  7. #32
    Power Poster BellaBoo's Avatar
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    We have several neighborhood kids that we give much more to then our family kids because they are always helping us. DH was raking leaves and the boys stopped playing and came over to help. They come running when they see me unloading groceries from my car to help, just nice decent kids to be around.
    Got fabric?

  8. #33
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    I've had a young mother do the same to my sister in law. I delivered some of the gifts and it seemed the gifts were ok until I mentioned who they actually came from. Then they became 'junky'. My voice turned to ice as I said, "They're not junky. They are toys. The kids played with them for hours."

    She got the message and tried to cover it by saying all the parts made them junky and the kids don't clean them up. Didn't help. I told her that's true for all kids, but it doesn't make the gifts junky.

    I have never heard her say anything like that to me since. We are very slowly becoming friends. I think that is in part because I don't take her guff, and she respects that. Ordinarily, I wouldn't bother but her kids are my grand niece and nephew and I love them dearly. They are worth it.

  9. #34
    Senior Member pinecone's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nygal View Post
    If they don't even acknowledge your gifts...I would have stopped giving to them LONG ago when they stopped thanking you. In this modern day with all the ways of communicating...there is no excuse for them not thanking you.
    I have to agree here. My Aunt only gave to my DDs as they were the only ones to write a thank you, that was before the easy way out and computers. (I'm still old school here) I have 10 cousins on that side all with children. They never knew what they were missing out on.

    piney

  10. #35
    Super Member Vicki W's Avatar
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    I had a cousin, who gave to us (me and my brother and sister) long after she quit giving to her grandchildren, because we wrote thank you notes. I received very nice wedding, shower and baby gifts from her. My daughters (both in their twenties) were taught to write thank you notes. One didn't put her wedding gifts away until the thank you notes had been written and sent.
    Vicki W

  11. #36
    Super Member hopetoquilt's Avatar
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    Often you have to be clear about what you want. If you don't get thank you notes, did you ever mention that you like or expect them? Try giving them a set of thank you notes at thanksgiving and let them know they could use them at Christmas and birthday time. Educate them. Also, I understood that etiquette dictates that if you say thank you in person, you are not expected to send a thank you note. One of my biggest pet peeves is when one person gets angry at another because he/she did not live up to an unsaid expectation.

  12. #37
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    When we were little, my mother would not let us play or use the gift until we wrote out thank you notes. My husband and I wrote our thank you notes for our wedding while we were on our honeymoon. Many people commented to my parents they had their thank you notes before we got home. My mother said my husband was the only son-in-law that ever sent them thank-yous for gifts and actually wrote to them about once a year. (We live in CA and they lived in WA State.) So we passed on the importance of writing the notes to our daughters, and they even write us notes.

    My mom finally told my sisters if she didn't get a thank you note from their kids she would stop sending them gifts. They sent one note.

  13. #38
    Super Member Peckish's Avatar
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    I disagree with the poster who said if the kids don't write thank-you notes, it's the fault of the parents. I taught my kids to write thank you notes. When they hit about age 10 - 12, they both quit, despite my warnings of dire consequences. I informed the grandparents that I would totally understand if they stopped sending gifts, and would be more than happy to seize the opportunity as a teaching moment. However, both sets of grandparents said it was ok, they understood, the kids are busy, they still wanted to give gifts to the kids, blah blah blah. Honestly, I was pretty disappointed. Fortunately, my oldest is now 18 and will write wonderful thank-you emails full of news and chitchat. Now I just have to work on my youngest.

  14. #39
    Super Member DOTTYMO's Avatar
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    I find the group of friends who give presents the biggest problem. I would prefer to just be friends,
    Finished is better than a UFO

  15. #40
    Super Member Edie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Susan G. View Post
    We quit giving to the nieces and nephews when they turned 18.
    YAHBUT, what do you do when the nieces and nephews turned 18,. then 19,20,21,22,23, get married and have a slew of little great nieces and nephews? #1 husband and I a "retired" and two of our nieces have seven children between them. We can't really afford that. We don't see them that often, so now I send the card to Mr and Mrs. So and So, and Family. We also quit at 18! I also go with Sandy, too. Manners have gone out the window, totally! Thank God, not my generation.

    Love them all dearly, but just can't do it anymore. We have three grandchildren and one great grandchild. Merry Christmas! Edie
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  16. #41
    Super Member sew_Tracy's Avatar
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    I decided NOT to send Christmas presents to 2 of my grandchildren this year. They ARE kids, but I expect their mom to at least thank me or even acknowledge that they received their birthday gifts this year. I have her on my Facebook and the way I see it, if she has time to post hundreds of stupid cartoons then she has time to say hey Tracy, Leah got her quilt...something...ANYTHING. I don't want to punish the kids for the ignorance of their mother, but how would I know if they even got the gifts I sent them?
    From the artist formerly known as Missus Fear...Hi, my name is Tracy and I am a hobbyaholic.
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  17. #42
    Junior Member angelanicole's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ptquilts View Post
    18. Although if I received no TY notes for several years, their next gift would be a box of TY notes.
    This is a great idea and that is what I am going to do !!!!!!!!!

  18. #43
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    Perhaps you have heard of the Chicago Grandmother that "forgot" to sign the checks! She heard from them all that year and told them why. never sent another gift. "nuff said!
    Quilter 68 who is now 69/and now 70

  19. #44
    Super Member damaquilts's Avatar
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    I haven't had the money for years to give gifts and my children wouldn't have wanted it anyway unless it was a good chunk of cash. Well 2 of them. So I buy for who lives in the house with me . That's it. No other family , no friends etc. Certainly not nieces and nephews. Not when my family cannot even contact when I have heart surgery to see if I am even still alive. nope..Yep disfunctional is the name of my family. lol This year my daughter who I use to live with got 25 and so did her daughter . My brother got a gift certificate for a massage and his step daughter got a candle. 15 so all together a little over 100 . That's a big chunk for me. And next year maybe not even that.

  20. #45
    Power Poster solstice3's Avatar
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    I gave to my nieces for Christmas until they got married. BUT, if they had been so inconsiderate not to say thank you it would have happened a lot sooner!!

  21. #46
    Power Poster twinkie's Avatar
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    This happened to us all the time. Finally, with the last card and check, we just told them, "Unless we hear from you, we will know that you do not need this gift so they will stop. It doesn't take long to say thank you". These were 15 and 16 year olds. We have 18 grandchildren and now great grand children. It is difficult to be able to afford to keep sending the money. We told them that the only notification was when the bank let us know the check had cleared. And, it isn't always the parents fault.

  22. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by ptquilts View Post
    18. Although if I received no TY notes for several years, their next gift would be a box of TY notes.
    I love this! We, too, give until age 18. If the recipient is really thankful, we might go to 21. But, I really like the idea of the the thank you notes. While growing up, our kids always found a package of thank you notes in their stockings. They weren't allowed to cash a check or wear a gift until the note was written. :-)
    To God be the Glory!

  23. #48
    Super Member quiltmom04's Avatar
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    I still five Christmas gifts because we are with them, but only send bday cards, not gifts any longer.

  24. #49
    Super Member butterflies5518's Avatar
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    My children were taught respect and to acknowledge a gift with 'thank you'. However, 2 of the 3 require every package sent to be 'tracked and signed for'. Every year the gifts get smaller and smaller - do you think they noticed? I'm sure they will when they become a holiday card with no gifts attached.
    Quilting makes me happy!..

  25. #50
    Junior Member DeAnne-Mn.'s Avatar
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    Don't know all the story, don't need to. I just try to remember that those who are the least loveable are usually the one's who need loving the most. I didn't say it was easy to do, sometimes it seems impossible. Merry Christmas to All.
    DeAnne

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