Baren*eh*ked_canadian

Alright, I'm kind of stuck in a pickle right now, and I'm not sure how to handle this situation... also, the last thing I want is to realize I totally overreacted because of these pregnancy hormones.
K, so I'm going to file my taxes tonight, my father has a program for that so I'm going to his place to do it on his computer, and I have like, a million papers I need to take with me. We used to be pretty good at keeping our papers filed properly, but Sasha has a system, and if I do it wrong he's going to complain that he can't find this or that paper, or whatever, and he's been ultra busy with school and work, so the pile of bills and paperwork that needs to be filed has just beein growing. It's not THAT bad, but all our papers are mixed up in there.
So, this morning, I took the pile of papers and started sorting them, just to find all my papers I needed to file my taxes, and I came across two tickets, totalling almost 600 dollars in infractions, which HE NEVER TOLD ME ABOUT! I'm not one to over react, really, I try to keep calm and collected, and I try not to show when I'm irritated or frustrated, because Sasha has a short fuse, and I always try to diffuse the situation.
We're not exactly is a very good financial situation right now, because I've been off work since August because of the pregnancy and my job was working with toxic chemicals and stuff, I do get paid leave, but lets just say that 55% of my salary doesn't cover squat. We've been scraping by, the bills are paid and the rent, insurance, both cars etc, but by the skin of our teeth really, so I'm assuming he was embarrassed by these infractions and didn't want to tell me because I would get upset. I mean, I wouldn't have been happy, but no amount of b!tching and moaning would fix it, so really, what's the point.
From what I understand on the tickets, he got pulled over for speeding (130 in a 100 zone) and then they found he hadn't paid his registration for his car -which I also didn't know. He was on my case time and time again to make sure mine was paid, I don't understand why his wasn't? These tickets were given to him on October 28th, and his license and registration payments should have been paid by September 15th...
Also, time and time again in conversation, he keeps mentioning that he's always careful on the roads not to speed since he got a ticket 2 years ago for going 72 in a 50 zone (now THAT is a bull ticket, really) and then one in Ontario last year for speeding but I was there, he was trying to get his cruise control to work so he was speeding up and then playing with the stupid button and whatever... but tickets out of province don't affect your registration anyway, so we're not worried about that.
Just last week he was asking me how long the infractions stay listed on your record, because for so many years after you get a ticket or whatever, your registration price goes up.
I really don't understand why he didn't just tell me about it in the first place, because now that I know it's driving me crazy!! He's not home right now, but I'm not sure if I should just drop it and forget about it, or if I should confront him about it? We pay for everythign together here, so it's not like he can say well it's his money and his business to pay for it.
We've always been honest with eachother, I do trust him, and I don't think he would ever lie to me ( he didn't tell me, but he didn't hide it really either, and if I ask he won't lie about it) but I don't understand this at all. I also don't know what he was doing in the area he got those tickets, it's not exactly next door, we have no business there and we don't know anyone who lives there either... but that's besides the point.
I got a 42 dollar parking ticket last fall, and I totally freaked out about it, I was SOOOO upset I didn't want this on my record. I know parking tickets don't affect your record at all, but this one was really bull. I contested it and won, but the fact was that I told him right away about it.

Please please please give me your advice!

Prism99

What's done is done, so I wouldn't get too upset about this. However, I would probably wait for a quiet time and then ask why he didn't tell me about the tickets.

How did he pay for the tickets? Assuming you have joint accounts, it must have shown up on a statement. If it were me, I would realize that I have a responsibility to check those statements closely every month to make sure I understand where the money is going.

amandasgramma

Ditto! Yes, your hormones may have you on edge, but HE didn't do the right thing in being honest and forthright. Now is not the time to blow your cool, though. Explain to him later that YOU wouldn't have come uncooled (or at least, not for long) and you expect honest communication in the future. PLEASE, for your sake, do NOT ignore this! My 1st DH did similar and I wouldn't confront him for the same reasons. Had I let him know earlier on I wouldn't tolerate that behavior I might have nipped a lot of hearteache in the bud.

craftybear

Oh my I would be upset too! Have you had a chance to discuss this with him yet?

Baren*eh*ked_canadian

No, we each have our own accounts, but we both have access to them both... I have never felt the need to check out what's being paid for out of his account, since he usually pays the rent (or most of it) and I pay all the bills, insurance, cars, hydro etc. out of my account. He has the passwords to check my account online too, but he's never bothered because I'm on top of all they payments, there's never been a problem. I'm not sure where he got the money to pay for the tickets, but then again, I'm not following his accounts too close either. I don't bother to check his mastercard bills, even though I could. I don't feel the need to go through the details of his mail, and like I said, I think if he'd really wanted to hide this, he would have gotten rid of all the evidance, right?
You're right, what's done is done, it's been paid for, it's not like we now have to come up with an extra 600 dollars or whatever, but my dilemma is that this is driving me crazy! WHY didn't he just tell me?!



Also, any time we need to spend any kind of extra money, we always discuss it first. We're not destitute, but we don't have any extras at all. If he wants to go somewhere, he always asks me if I mind, or, if someone wants to go to the restaurant and have invited us or whatever. If spending 50 bucks at the restaurant would REALLY be a problem, I would tell him to go, and I would stay home, you know, but it's not really that bad.
600 dollars is a different story though.

Baren*eh*ked_canadian

No, he gets home around 4-ish... (it's 1pm here)

beachlady

Be gentle.

b.zang

Sounds like the kind of thing you need to have a good cry about before broaching the subject. With that pent-up frustration released, you'll be better equipped to stay rational. You can't change the past, only the future.

patricej

gentle? i think not. :hunf:

in your condition, i screaming hissy fit is not good for you.

find a baseball bat. you don't have to use it. just tell him it's for the next time he lies to you. ;-)

Chasing Hawk

As with everything else in a relationship..be honest and straight forward about this. Don't beat about the bush. Like I said before I really don't see the point in hiding things from one's spouse or s/o, like the fabric issues I have read about here. Things get found out anyways, just talk to him about these tickets and how they were paid and go on with life.

I am curious...was he going 130 mph or 130 kph?