ElaineCovid

Hello, I"m looking for some suggestions...

The situation - three of us meet regularly to sew together, always at one person's (A) house, because she prefers/needs us to come there. We take turns providing lunch for us and her husband (he's a nice guy)...
A started quilting about five years ago. During one of our sewing days I (foolishly in hindsight) offered to quilt a large quilt for her, for free - I have a small longarm and do a small amount of quilting for others at a very reasonable rate, more to learn and for the experience, but it also is my quilting spending money.
So, I did the large quilt for her, not charging except a minimal amount for batting as I had offered to quilt for her.
Subsequent to that she has assumed I will do all her quilts for free. To be fair, mostly she usually does smaller (lap/baby quilts) that she quilts herself, however, whenever she starts a larger one she is open about expecting me to quilt it for her. If I try to get out of it nicely by saying I'm not sure when I can get to it,or that I'll be able to do it, she always answers that "there's no rush, I can wait".

The last large one I did (#2) had so many wavy borders and wonky seams - I actually gave her a bit of a talking to about preparing her quilt better... she took it well, and even joked about it to a different friend when I complimented that friend about how nicely her quilt laid for quilting....

This last one I just finished, (84" x 98" )actually had several places where the fabric selvedge was the protruding into the block piece, and one place where the fabric was not caught at all in the seam... that I didn't see until I was stitching alongside it so she is going to have to put an applique or something over it.....

My dilemma - I don't want to quilt these quilts anymore for free, (or at all but I don't think I can get out of it).....

I've hinted that I don't want to do them, but she just talks over me/it and the next week or two will start talking about the next one in line...

I've also tried not going to the sewing days, but that doesn't help, we see each other in the community and have many friends in common..



Suggestions?

toverly

She is taking advantage of your generosity. Next time, she brings you are quilt, just say how much you charge per inch or however you determine your price and proceed just like you do with paying customers. If she gets in a huff (which she probably will) just say you can't do free quilts anymore. No need to explain more. No means No. Stand your ground.

bearisgray

I like toverly's answer.

You could also announce that you will only work on quilt tops that are flat, corners are square , and seams are fairly even. Quality to be determined by you. Tops that are wavy, uneven, and with open seams are a pain to work on.

Or if the person insists , charge triple for aggravation!

You can announce your practice days are over and you are only doing quilting for pay now.

Although most of us try to get more skilled the more we do, that is not the point.

it also sounds this person is not getting much better as she goes along..

It sounds like A is choosing to ignore subtle hints.

aashley333

How about finding a local longarm service and giving her their card with your explanation. "I simply don't have the time to complete your quilt, but this service will help."
If she says something about cost, tell her that no one works for free!

Snooze2978

The next time she hints about another free quilt to do for her, tell her you've only got time to do paying customers' quilts so if she wants to get on your list with them, you'll pencil her in. I also will quilt for free but only occasionally and it needs to be a good reason why for free like for a charity. But once they scam me, I ever quilt for them ever even if they're willing to pay me.

I offered to quilt this small quilt for a neighbor of mine and she stated she needed it the very next month which was doable as it was small. Proble was it was so badly stitched together, no even edges, no borders so I had to trim around her quilt. I did a custom quilt job on it as that's what I like to do the most. Called her when it was done but she never came to get it in time for the charity. I kept calling her every couple weeks for a whole year and never got a response from her. My final call I told her if she didn't pick up her quilt by such and such a day, I'd throw it out. She finally came and got it. Oh yes, the quilt smelled like cat pee also. Her whole apartment smelled like cat pee. Since then her cat has died but her apartment, even after 3 years of no cat, still smells like cat pee when she opens her windows. I was upstairs in that apartment visiting and I could smell it from their apartment. How can someone like with that smell and not notice it?

Anyway, she never asked me to quilt for her again, if fact she avoids me like the plague.

Iceblossom

I think you have been given some good advice. I like the 3 rules of conversation -- (1) Is it true? (2) Is it kind? (3) Is it necessary??

Be strong for yourself and take care of you by setting some boundaries or rules which are yours to maintain. That you have a business "No quilting for free" is an easy rule, If she would like to pay, first let her know that you would not be offended if she wished to use another quilter, but that there are expectations that you and the other quilter(s) would expect in a top ready for quilting. You don't need to go into issues unless "A" wants.

Understand that your time is your time to spend as you wish. It is ok to enjoy her company without doing her quilting. If she persists you may have to make the decision (or give her the choice) to not discuss it further, even if that means no longer visiting.

Good luck!

cashs_mom

I agree with everyone else. "A" seems to be something of a control freak, i.e. having to meet where she wants and she is definitely taking advantage of you. Don't let her. Say you can't quilt her quilt and let it go. If she talks over you, walk away. She seems to be something of a bully and thinks she can steam roll others and still get her way with things.

Onebyone

Easy. Next time she has a quilt for you say I'm going to have to charge you my regular rate from now on. Do not give any reasons or excuses why. Smile and change the subject immediately with the other women there. A is the type to take advantage as long as someone lets her and you have let her. Time to say the favor is over.

DJ

There's some good advice here! I would add that I think it's important to let her know that you will no longer quilt for free before she starts a quilt that she expects you to quilt for her. Don't wait until she has one that you have to refuse. You could suggest that she explore QAYG techniques since she seems to be able to quilt smaller quilts herself. I've started to do that and love it!

Good luck. You were so generous to do the first (and second) ones for her. She should be counting her blessings.

cashs_mom

Good advice. Someone once told me "No is a complete sentence". You don't have to explain to anyone why you are saying no to their request. If you want to be nice say "I'm sorry, no". As Onebyone says, change subject move on to another conversation, whatever, but don't let her steamroll you.