ckcowl

do not waste your little bit of funds to try to find an attorney, most of them do offer 1/2 hour free consultations where you can either go in or have a phone conference and find out if there is anything you can do. Unfortunately you will more than likely find there is nothing you can do.grandparents really have no rights! quite often our grown children make decisions and do things we think are terribly wrong, but they are adults with the right to make their own choices ... and live with the consequenses. and also unfortunately way too often there are children who pay for their parent's decisions. as a grandparent, all you can do is try to not alienate your daughter so she doesn't even want to have contact with you, and accept the things you can not change. stay as close as you can long=distance, little people LOVE getting mail, a special card, or note regularly can help him get through all the separation issues he will experience. letting them both know that no matter what happens you will always be there for them if needed is about all you can do. stay positive and hope for the best. maybe he(the new hubby) has family where they are moving to that will make up for his failings. i know from experience how hard it can be sometimes to stand back and let our grown children make mistakes....and i'm sure that you yourself probably made a decision or two that your parents were not too keen about as an adult. your best action at this point, after having that free consultation is to be positive and as supportive as you can, so your daughter knows, if and when it all falls apart that she still has home and a wonderful supportive mother to turn to who will not say...i told you so, but will be there with open arms relieved that everyone survived just fine.
the hardest part is going to be the kids missing each other, often youngsters feel like no matter what they will always have each other...maybe you could help them set up facebook pages, or some communication mode on the computer where they could be in contact with each other regularly, that part of this situation is the hardest part and i am sure she has not made the decision to separate the kids lightly.
good luck, and make a call or two.... you may be able to start with family court to find someone to talk to who specializes in this type of situation.

Minda

:idea: Call the 'Area Agency on Aging'. To find the phone number, look in the Guide to Human Services in the front of your phone book - then look under Aging. The agency can advise you about legal aid issues.

Grandparents do have legal rights to visitation, in many states. My MIL was granted legal visitation rights to see her granddaughter, whom she helped raise. My SIL is always angry at the family, though, so it didn't cause any alienation that wasn't already there.

Annaquilts

I also believe like another poster that the biological father has rights if the biological mother wants to take the child out of state. Several years ago my friend lost her daughter to her ex because of that. So maybe see if the boys' biological father can do anything or wants to do anything. Also I am shocked she wants to sepperate the boys. Often sibling bonds run deeper then parent child bonds and this does not sound good for the boys at all. Maybe also try to keep your relationship with your DD as good as possible. Maybe even if she moves she might decide she does not want to parent and then be agreeable to have the boy come live with you or the biological father. Sending you hugs and prayers. Anna

Quilt Ministry Leader

called a lawyer -- until I can prove child abuse there is basicly nothing I can do --- all though the attorney agreed that is probably not in the best interest of the child, the judge will most likely not see it and there is no way I could even begin to afford the fee
My daughter has treated me like an outcast since she got married so I am sure it will not get any better.
As for his family from what I understand they have all had major run ins with the law -- drug issues and all

May in Jersey

What a terrible thing! Good advice Minda has for you.

Some questions for you:
What are the terms of your daughter's divorce from the boy's father?
Does she have the right to take the boys out of state?
If the father has the right to keep her from taking them out of state, and he is willing to take both boys into his home, maybe you can use your limited funds to help him get legal assistance to keep the boys in your state.
If this does happen we all know where your grandsons will be most of the time, with you. Praying that something good happens ASAP. May in Jersey

Mimito2

I have had first DGS since birth. He is with me most of the time except when his parents remember they have a child and show up. This month Mom has decided she wants him full time and is "getting" a lawyer to get custody. She does this with every new boyfriend to prove "what a good person/mother she is" She has taken him to DR and had him put on ADD meds. He is developementally delayed (they say it is my fault since he stays with me!!)it couldn't have had anything to do with her drinking while pg. He is in Spec Ed because I went to principal and asked for testing. WONDERFUL man who listened and understood my concerns and "worked" within school rights. I have no legal custody rights to DGS but I did throw a fit about school (told them they had to take him and KEEP him) and made them give me power of attny over schooling.(they never went to functions or teacher conf or IEP meetings) Head of county dept of Spec.Ed helped with that. His teacher says 1/3 of her class is being raised by Grands. DGS feels that nobody loves him and he is in the way. Son gets mad and threatens that I will never see him again. I don't react because both of us know he will tire of him within a week and drop him off at the end of the driveway. GS just walks in and says "Mimi I'm home." I have explained to DGS that he is always loved and will have a home with me as long as he can follow our one rule respect/love yourself/others, He is learning to cook and can do his own laundry which HE requested that I not tell his parents or they would make him to cook/clean for them. I have told both parents that they are perfect examples of why animals eat their young! Also told them that they both need to be neutered and never have any more kids.
I know it is heartbreaking but bide your time. Give both stamped evelopes addressed to you that way they can contact you by mail (I use blank miss you cards). Make sure they know phone numbers that they can call in case of emergency. I wrote phone numbers in the inside of each of DGS backpacks where only he and I know where they are. We also have and emergency phrase that only he and I know. He asks me if I have found a certain toy that he was looking for when he left my house. Thankfully we have never used it.
My prayers are with you. Been there, doing that.

wolfkitty

My prayers are with you all, and with the children.

Sadiemae

I am so sorry...

clem55

Mimi, you have done the same as I did when our XDIL moved away. I gave my 8 yearold GD a little book with a picture of all of us next to our address and phone numbers. Lots of stamped envelopes so she could write me. I mailed letters to her everyday, and called often. Thank God, it was only two years that they stayed away!! Now they are being raised by my son and his wife, and they are happy kids.XDIL finally grew up and realized what was best for them, but only after a drug issue gave my son custody. Some of the laws in this country really stink! It is so hard for little ones. We are dealing with the same again, at least the kids are here and see their Dad on a redgular basis.

amma

In my state, the custodial parent has to get permission from the noncustodial parent to even move as far as out of the children's school boundary...
Maybe dad should be the one taking up this moving away issue in court, while taking care of the change of custody of the one son :wink: