I'll get it done...soon
04-08-2010, 04:28 PM
#104
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Originally Posted by MadQuilter
Oh Gwyn,
my heart hurts for you and your family. I hope that the happy memories return soon and help you through the tough times. I wish that your family works together and stays supportive because grief can sometimes tear people apart.
I'm your "Bee" partner for April and I will gladly give you the month off because you have tons of other things you need to attend.
{{{Hugs}}}
my heart hurts for you and your family. I hope that the happy memories return soon and help you through the tough times. I wish that your family works together and stays supportive because grief can sometimes tear people apart.
I'm your "Bee" partner for April and I will gladly give you the month off because you have tons of other things you need to attend.
{{{Hugs}}}
04-08-2010, 04:33 PM
#105
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Originally Posted by gaigai
Dear Gwyn,
Everything I want to say has already been said by someone else, so ditto everyone, including the hugs, and most especially the love.
Do one thing for yourself: Think of something funny about Randy, whether it was a mannerism or a funny story. As an ICU nurse, I see death frequently. A while back I started asking families to share a funny story about their loved one. As insensitive as it may seem to some, for some reason it seems to help them. And it gives me the opportunity to see that patient as a whole person, even if I only met them when they were critically ill and dying. So, think of something funny, and know that Randy is sharing your smiles too, now.
More hugs, Gai
Everything I want to say has already been said by someone else, so ditto everyone, including the hugs, and most especially the love.
Do one thing for yourself: Think of something funny about Randy, whether it was a mannerism or a funny story. As an ICU nurse, I see death frequently. A while back I started asking families to share a funny story about their loved one. As insensitive as it may seem to some, for some reason it seems to help them. And it gives me the opportunity to see that patient as a whole person, even if I only met them when they were critically ill and dying. So, think of something funny, and know that Randy is sharing your smiles too, now.
More hugs, Gai
04-08-2010, 04:41 PM
#106
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Originally Posted by Up North
Aww Gwyn Thank you so much for taking the time right now to inform people what to do when this happens. It is a hard subject to talk about. My parents and I have been talking a little about it and I know where most things are. My Dad even has the songs he wants written down (and the jokes he wants told at his funeral!) and I know where they are. I need to ask more questions. Those are hard to ask but something that does need to be done, sooner rather than later. They have a will written up. We do too. Take care Gwyn. (((HUGS)))
04-08-2010, 06:56 PM
#108
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Originally Posted by Gwyn
Originally Posted by Up North
Aww Gwyn Thank you so much for taking the time right now to inform people what to do when this happens. It is a hard subject to talk about. My parents and I have been talking a little about it and I know where most things are. My Dad even has the songs he wants written down (and the jokes he wants told at his funeral!) and I know where they are. I need to ask more questions. Those are hard to ask but something that does need to be done, sooner rather than later. They have a will written up. We do too. Take care Gwyn. (((HUGS)))
At her funeral service the minister asked us to tell stories about my grandmother that were funny, and some of us did. The night after the funeral was New Years and we weren't sure if we should celebrate or not. Then my mom, grandfather and great uncle said, lets celebrate it's what she would have wanted.
My mom also told us that my grandma wouldn't have wanted to be mourned that her life should be celebrated.
Celebrate his life, but also grief for his loss. Don't let anyone tell you to get over it they have no right to... and if they do, just let what they say roll off your back.
Also, when you are at the luncheon after the funeral (providing that is something your family does) if your best friend says something about Big Ben, do not laugh, you will only get your soup all over yourself (I did that!)
Also, do not trip over thin air in the parking lot at said luncheon and then roll and hit a parked car... it is not fun... nor funny... and if you do make sure your best friend is not there... they will not let you live it down... (I did this too... it was quite funny actually...)
Sorry, just trying to make you smile...
*hugs*
04-08-2010, 07:10 PM
#109
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Central PA
Posts: 5,573
Oh Gwyn, my heart aches for your loss. You showed your love for him right to the end making those difficult decisions. As some have said, hug the memories of Randy close and they will bear you up. Anyone who is truly loved as much as Randy, never truly dies, they live forever in our hearts and memories. Be kind to yourself, give yourself permission to grieve...then remember his jokes and silly times. My prayers and thoughts are with you.
04-08-2010, 07:21 PM
#110
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Location: Houston, TX
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Originally Posted by Gwyn
The hardest questions aren't about the funeral. What do you want me to say when they say 'ventilator', more chemo, do you want to be resusitated? How many heroics do you want to endure in an effort to keep you alive longer? If you have a choice, do you want to die at home or in the hospital with just minimal care? The fact is, it is easier to let them die, than to pull the plug later, but you need to know what they want to have happen. The earlier you start to talk to your children, the more likely they will understand your wishes and respect them. Gwyn
As far as heroic measures go, everyone should know this: It isn't like it is on TV. Period. CPR (chest compressions) works in the event of a SUDDEN heart stoppage or heart attack. If someone is gradually slipping away (from whatever reason), at that point CPR will not prolong their life, it will only prolong their dying. Being on a ventilator is a miserable experience. And there is a VAST difference in "Doing Everything" and "Do Everything that will make a difference to the Outcome". An awful lot of end-of-life medicine is like putting a new coat of paint, or new brakes on a car with no transmission/drive shaft/wheels. It might make the car appear better (for a while), and you might feel better that you could do "something", but it isn't going to make it run. Ever. And remember, that hospitals are businesses, just like Walmart and Best Buy. The object is to make money. Period. The only difference between a for-profit and a non-profit, is that the for-profit hospital pays dividends to stock-holders. The non-profit pays bonus' to directors and managers who come in at or under budget, and puts revenue "back into the business". Which may mean more administrative bonus' or higher administrative salaries.
As far as my own opinion, (for those who don't know, I have been a Critical Care nurse for more than 25 years), it is expressed by the tattoo that I have on my left breast. And yes it IS real, and yes, it is totally serious. So Gwyn, I totally believe that you made the best decision.
My tat.
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