Welcome to the Quilting Board!

Already a member? Login above
loginabove
OR
To post questions, help other quilters and reduce advertising (like the one on your left), join our quilting community. It's free!

Results 1 to 22 of 22

Thread: Important questions for older folks.....funny!!

  1. #1
    Super Member Ditter43's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Crystal River Florida
    Posts
    9,771

    Red face Important questions for older folks.....funny!!

    Important Questions and answers
    Q: Where can single men over the age of 60 find younger women who are interested in them?
    A: Try a bookstore, under Fiction.

    Q: What can a man do while his wife is going
    through menopause?
    A: Keep busy. If handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When done, you have a place to live.

    Q: Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the
    bible... Is that true? Where is it?
    A: Yes. Matthew 14:92:
    "And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Egypt .."

    Q: How can I increase the heart rate of my over-60 year-old mate?
    A: Tell him you're pregnant.

    Q: How can I avoid that terrible curse of unsightly wrinkles?
    A: Take off your glasses.

    Q: Seriously! What can I do for these Crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face?
    A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out..

    Q: Why should 60-plus people use valet parking?
    A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.

    Q: Is it common for 60-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?
    A: Storing memory is not a problem, Retrieving it is the problem.

    Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
    A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.

    Q: Where should 60-plus year olds look for eye glasses?
    A: On their foreheads.

    Q: What is the most common remark made by 60-plus year
    olds when they enter antique stores?
    A: "Gosh, I remember all these!"



    SMILE, You've still got your
    sense of humor, RIGHT?
    Attached Images Attached Images
    I quilt, therefore I am.

  2. #2
    Super Member hikingquilter's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    1,131
    LOL Love it! Guilty of #10!

  3. #3
    Junior Member sew_itnow's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Oak Ridge, TN
    Posts
    175
    Ditter43 you are such a refreshing person. I always stop and read what you have to say. Never fails to bring a smile to my face no mater how bad things seem to be. Thank you for the smiles and laughs.

  4. #4
    Super Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Sweet Home Alabama
    Posts
    3,226
    You've done it again. Always enjoy your posts.

  5. #5
    Super Member Lori S's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Illinois
    Posts
    9,385
    I laughed out loud at this one . Thanks !

    Q: Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the
    bible... Is that true? Where is it?
    A: Yes. Matthew 14:92:
    "And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Egypt .."

  6. #6
    Super Member DogHouseMom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Knot Merrill, Southern Indiana
    Posts
    5,713
    OMG ... almost wet myself when I read the one about fixing the crows feet!
    May your stitches always be straight, your seams always lie flat, and your grain never be biased against you.

    Sue

  7. #7
    Super Member MaryStoaks's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    La Quinta, CA
    Posts
    3,925
    Thanks Ditter!
    Mary

  8. #8
    Junior Member Norad's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    Southwest Washington State
    Posts
    117
    As usual, you brought a smile and laugh. I send most of them on to friends and family. Thank you Ditter. God bless.

  9. #9
    Super Member judykay's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    1,441
    Blog Entries
    18
    How very true, I loved all of them..

    THANKS for the uplift !!!
    Happy Quilting
    Judy in Lower Michigan

  10. #10
    Super Member judykay's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    1,441
    Blog Entries
    18
    How very true, I loved all of them..

    THANKS for the uplift !!!
    Happy Quilting
    Judy in Lower Michigan

  11. #11
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Illinois
    Posts
    949
    Ditter 43: Many of your "topics" I find amusing. However, recently there have been a few =this thread for instance that I find offensive and wonder how they got thru a moderator. I did not finish reading this thread.

  12. #12
    Senior Member Linda - K.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Washington State summer, Sun City AZ winter
    Posts
    707
    Will have to send that to my "old" friends! Very funny.
    She who dies with the most fabric didn't sew fast enough!

  13. #13
    Super Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    Lebanon Missouri
    Posts
    2,668
    Blog Entries
    1
    #7 is me--there are way to many white cars out there and i can never remember if it was row 1 or 10 that the car was last seen in

  14. #14
    Senior Member Ellen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    374
    #10 reminded me of when my dad would lose his glasses....he'd gather us 4 girls around and tell us to find them and don't come back till you do. After about an hour, we'd draw straws (we had a practically bald broom) to see who was going to go tell dad they were on his head.

    Margee, surely you jest
    Last edited by Ellen; 03-04-2012 at 12:26 PM.
    Ellen......I'm gonna go play now

    http://bestsmileys.com/computer1/19.gif

    http://community.webshots.com/user/auntie_em22

  15. #15
    Senior Member KarenSimon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    sunny and WARM Tucson, AZ
    Posts
    765
    Ditter has the BEST sense of humor. Thanks again.

  16. #16
    Super Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Illinois
    Posts
    3,611
    Blog Entries
    163
    Ok i finally quit laughing so i can type, those are sooo cute, thank you so much for the laughs Ditter, you are wonderful.
    Mary

  17. #17
    Super Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Illinois
    Posts
    3,611
    Blog Entries
    163
    Quote Originally Posted by margee View Post
    Ditter 43: Many of your "topics" I find amusing. However, recently there have been a few =this thread for instance that I find offensive and wonder how they got thru a moderator. I did not finish reading this thread.
    Please, do not start in on Ditter, I love all the jokes she sends, and they are not offensive!!! You yourself said you find her "topics" amusing, so how can you say such a thing?? If it weren't for her and some others we wouldn't have jokes at all. So, please leave her alone.

    By the way, the moderators have a sense of humor, you might get one for yourself!!

    Thank you
    Mary

  18. #18
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    Salt Lake City, UT
    Posts
    618
    Love them Ditter. Thanks for the laughs.
    Hugs

  19. #19
    Super Member raptureready's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Illinois
    Posts
    5,299
    These are so true! I was out shopping a few weeks ago and when I got out of my Jeep I put on a pair of sunglasses. The people in the truck in front of me were smiling so I smiled back. Then they started outright laughing. I just smiled and went on into the store. Once inside I no longer needed the sunglasses so I pushed them to the top of my head, only to find another pair of sunglasses and two pair of readers already resting there!
    If no one ever experimented we'd all still be making 4 patches.

  20. #20
    Super Member raptureready's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Illinois
    Posts
    5,299
    These are so true! I was out shopping a few weeks ago and when I got out of my Jeep I put on a pair of sunglasses. The people in the truck in front of me were smiling so I smiled back. Then they started outright laughing. I just smiled and went on into the store. Once inside I no longer needed the sunglasses so I pushed them to the top of my head, only to find another pair of sunglasses and two pair of readers already resting there!
    If no one ever experimented we'd all still be making 4 patches.

  21. #21
    Super Member buslady's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    Thumb of Michigan
    Posts
    2,267
    Blog Entries
    7
    Thanks for the chuckle!
    Onalee Rose
    "There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad, and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don't. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living."

  22. #22
    Super Member Tink's Mom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    chicago, IL
    Posts
    9,692
    Excellent....I especially like the one with the man living in basement!!!
    Tink's Mom (My name is really Susie)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

SEO by vBSEO ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.