Quiltforme

My daughter is almost 17 and is going to her first homecoming dance on Saturday. All well here me very excited, dress check, shoes check, makeup check. Then tonight she comes home and ask if she can spend the night at her friends house. I am ok with this but that little gut feeling something more was comming. Then she said well here is the catch I pop up and said what no parents she says no "The Boys" will also be staying over. INSTANT brakes HECK NO my daughter is upset. Ok I need to know am I over reacting?? I was a single mother for a few years I was 21 but still. I know that the parents will be there but I do not know the parents. I honestly do not know what to say. I told her I need to calm down and then talk with her tomorrow. You all have really helped me with my quilting and sorry to bug you but I know that with so many mom's out there with older kids you have already been through this. I live in an area were all the kids 12 and younger. So I really do not have anyone else to talk too. Her best friend's mom and I are good friends but I cannot believe she would let her daughter sleep over with her boyfriend. Please tell me if I am overreacting or being a mom who loves her kid. I value all opinions on this one.

T-Bones mom

Call me old fashioned but that would be the day when my 17yo daughter would sleep over with her boyfriend. IMHO

Ladybugnana

you haven't over reacted. The world is a much different place from what we grew up in. I would not let my daughter stay over at a "friends" house without knowing the family and talking to the parents first. You are just asking for trouble otherwise. Believe me, I know...been there, done that. :cry:

Sadiemae

No over reaction, you have to be careful. I believe you are a Mom who loves her kid and wants to keep her safe. Can you visit with the parents that you do not know and your friend to see what they are thinking? I think it is kind of a scary situation.

Ramona Byrd

I think that I would immediately go over and meet these parents, and listen carefully to what they say, what they do not say, and also listen to that little voice that is whispering in your mind. Check out their house, any beer cans lying around, far too many liquor bottles on display? Car with a lot of dents? Kids sullen around the parents? And ask friends about these people, they should be known around town if they have teenagers.

Remember, this is only a party, kids take parties to heart, and they don't have the life experience to see muddy roads ahead. It won't damage her permanently if she is not allowed to go to this overnight. There might be a lot of screaming and crying, or merely sullen moments, but you have to do what you believe to be the right thing. I remember some of the yelling and arguing from my oldest daughter because of not being allowed to run around all night like her friends, she wanted to do what SHE wanted.....now she is a guard in a Texas Jail!!!

I don't think you are over-reacting at all. My second husband, who raised my two daughters, and I were parents, not best friends with them till they were grown. Teens think they are grown men and women, but do lack the wisdom to look below the surface of some people.

Painiacs

Stick to your guns! She 17 doesn't need to grow up so fast. She will thank you in a few yrs!!

litacats

I would also check with the other parents to find out what the sleeping arrangments would be, it could be above board but you just never know,
I would not be happy letting my girls stay over with boys in the house, but I am old fashioned all my children were shaperoned till they got married.

SueDor

I agree with all of the above statements. Call the parents-Are they really going to be there?
Let her go to the party but not stay over.

Mamagus

I have a 25 year old daughter ...
In my opinion: She asks this time and you give her a no? The next time she won't ask. She'll find a time and a place to rebel without you ever knowing anything about it.

It is all well and good to be the Mom who takes the high moral ground, but unless you plan to escort her everywhere she goes for the next 4 years, she will in all probability have sex with a boy before then. You can be pro-active and provide her with birth control or her own supply of condoms, but if she wants to, she is gonna do it with or without a sleepover party. It takes a few minutes!!

By all means call the parents and check out where the boys are sleeping... but unless you're going to supervise her, you have to give her "The Talk" and hope for the best.

Letting your child make decisions on their own about their life's path is not being amoral and uncaring. Not if you've already been the voice in her head guiding her decisions thus far. If you've raised her right she'll be fine.

19angel52

Please tell me if I am overreacting or being a mom who loves her kid. I value all opinions on this one.[/quote]


Heck no, you are not overreacting!!! Daughter will get over it..... Just don't understand today's world where the parents are buddies with their kids.....!