Mom's with daughters I need your advice again....You will love this one
10-22-2010, 03:50 PM
#102
Power Poster
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: missouri
Posts: 11,244
Maybe after you meet the parents at the party house she could go to the party then have her best friend and maybe a couple other GIRLS stay at your house for the night. maybe rent a couple movies have a pizza . She's not old enough to make these decisions. So stick to your guns and raise a smart headed girl not a bimbo. good luck! it's not easy.
10-22-2010, 03:57 PM
#103
Junior Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Arizona
Posts: 254
Originally Posted by Mamagus
I have a 25 year old daughter ...
In my opinion: She asks this time and you give her a no? The next time she won't ask. She'll find a time and a place to rebel without you ever knowing anything about it.
It is all well and good to be the Mom who takes the high moral ground, but unless you plan to escort her everywhere she goes for the next 4 years, she will in all probability have sex with a boy before then. You can be pro-active and provide her with birth control or her own supply of condoms, but if she wants to, she is gonna do it with or without a sleepover party. It takes a few minutes!!
Letting your child make decisions on their own about their life's path is not being amoral and uncaring. Not if you've already been the voice in her head guiding her decisions thus far. If you've raised her right she'll be fine.
In my opinion: She asks this time and you give her a no? The next time she won't ask. She'll find a time and a place to rebel without you ever knowing anything about it.
It is all well and good to be the Mom who takes the high moral ground, but unless you plan to escort her everywhere she goes for the next 4 years, she will in all probability have sex with a boy before then. You can be pro-active and provide her with birth control or her own supply of condoms, but if she wants to, she is gonna do it with or without a sleepover party. It takes a few minutes!!
Letting your child make decisions on their own about their life's path is not being amoral and uncaring. Not if you've already been the voice in her head guiding her decisions thus far. If you've raised her right she'll be fine.
:oops: :evil:
ps she is only 19 years old now
10-22-2010, 03:58 PM
#104
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Eastern USA
Posts: 663
Ok, I have to put my two cents in too.
When I was 15 (now 52) a friend of one of my good friends was having a birthday party. This persons parents said that there would be no boys and that they would be there to supervise.
Well there were boys there and beer and her mom was upstairs never ever came down to the basement. Everyone left to go for a ride, the boy that was of drinking age 18 back then was driving and boy was he going fast 100 miles per hour. I admit I was scared. Everyone else seemed to be yelling faster faster.
I guess in my opinion, unless you really know these parents I wouldn't and didn't let my daughter sleep over after a dance.
Yes she was mad at me really angry. But now 25 she has a 9 month old daughter. can't wait to see what they will do when she wants to stay over after a dance.
A lot of parents out there don't have limits.
Follow your gut.
When I was 15 (now 52) a friend of one of my good friends was having a birthday party. This persons parents said that there would be no boys and that they would be there to supervise.
Well there were boys there and beer and her mom was upstairs never ever came down to the basement. Everyone left to go for a ride, the boy that was of drinking age 18 back then was driving and boy was he going fast 100 miles per hour. I admit I was scared. Everyone else seemed to be yelling faster faster.
I guess in my opinion, unless you really know these parents I wouldn't and didn't let my daughter sleep over after a dance.
Yes she was mad at me really angry. But now 25 she has a 9 month old daughter. can't wait to see what they will do when she wants to stay over after a dance.
A lot of parents out there don't have limits.
Follow your gut.
10-22-2010, 05:29 PM
#105
Super Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 4,116
Protection is better than cure - emotionally and physically. She will have time enough to make mistakes when she has left home and become a tax - payer. I would offer to drive her home if she would like permission to go to the event.
10-22-2010, 05:41 PM
#106
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Danville, IN
Posts: 50
I have 3 daughters. 28, 21 and 19. And a son, 30. I would not have allowed my daughter to spend the night w/o parents and certainly w/ 'the boys'. (Would you let your daughter have friends spend the night at your house w/o you there? Would you let 'the boys' stay at your house?) I would not have yelled, acted shocked...just say 'well that changes my decision a bit'. Yes, she could have not told you the 'special' circumstances of the over nighter. But she did and you need to base your decision on that. I have found that my kids sometimes were uncomfortable about being in certain positions and used me as the 'excuse' to get themselves out of precarious situations. I've always told them that they can blame things on me if they don't want to participate in something but feel peer pressure.
10-22-2010, 05:44 PM
#107
Super Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Mason, Ohio
Posts: 1,465
Go with your gut. You are fortunate that your daughter brought it to you. I think I would explain that you trust HER, but you just are not comfortable with the idea of it being coed. She might be disappointed, but then again, she may be relieved. Many girls want their parent to say no, because it is easier to say, "my mom won't let me" than "I don't want to."
10-22-2010, 05:44 PM
#108
Super Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Central Willamette Valley, Oregon, USA
Posts: 7,695
Originally Posted by Quiltforme
My daughter is almost 17 and is going to her first homecoming dance on Saturday. All well here me very excited, dress check, shoes check, makeup check. Then tonight she comes home and ask if she can spend the night at her friends house. I am ok with this but that little gut feeling something more was comming. Then she said well here is the catch I pop up and said what no parents she says no "The Boys" will also be staying over. INSTANT brakes HECK NO my daughter is upset. Ok I need to know am I over reacting?? I was a single mother for a few years I was 21 but still. I know that the parents will be there but I do not know the parents. I honestly do not know what to say. I told her I need to calm down and then talk with her tomorrow. You all have really helped me with my quilting and sorry to bug you but I know that with so many mom's out there with older kids you have already been through this. I live in an area were all the kids 12 and younger. So I really do not have anyone else to talk too. Her best friend's mom and I are good friends but I cannot believe she would let her daughter sleep over with her boyfriend. Please tell me if I am overreacting or being a mom who loves her kid. I value all opinions on this one.
10-22-2010, 05:58 PM
#109
Super Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: currently central new jersey
Posts: 8,623
i haven't read the complete thread on this, but if you have trust issues with your daughter, why not volunteer to be a co-chaperone? i would call the parents hosting the party and be honest about it. tell them you don't want to spoil her fun, but you are just not comfortable with it and you'd like to 'help out'. just be prepared to be up all night while the noise goes on and on.
keep that coffee coming.
keep that coffee coming.
10-22-2010, 06:29 PM
#110
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 327
Originally Posted by Quiltforme
My daughter is almost 17 and is going to her first homecoming dance on Saturday. All well here me very excited, dress check, shoes check, makeup check. Then tonight she comes home and ask if she can spend the night at her friends house. I am ok with this but that little gut feeling something more was comming. Then she said well here is the catch I pop up and said what no parents she says no "The Boys" will also be staying over. INSTANT brakes HECK NO my daughter is upset. Ok I need to know am I over reacting?? I was a single mother for a few years I was 21 but still. I know that the parents will be there but I do not know the parents. I honestly do not know what to say. I told her I need to calm down and then talk with her tomorrow. You all have really helped me with my quilting and sorry to bug you but I know that with so many mom's out there with older kids you have already been through this. I live in an area were all the kids 12 and younger. So I really do not have anyone else to talk too. Her best friend's mom and I are good friends but I cannot believe she would let her daughter sleep over with her boyfriend. Please tell me if I am overreacting or being a mom who loves her kid. I value all opinions on this one.
My advice, she isn't you, she is herself. Staying at her friends house where boys will be, is not a given that sex will happen. I think that is your fear.
So, is she responsible? What is the realistic likelihood she's going to do something, in a house full of girls, and adults there? She's 17, when she goes to college there isn't a darn think you can do about it, if this stuff happens.
She's 17. At some point she will be on her own, and have to stand on her own two feet.
Do you know if she knows about condoms? How likely is she to use them, if she isn't a virgin still?
Those are questions I'd ask myself.
Personally, knowing my daughter, I'd have no issue with it.
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