Mom's with daughters I need your advice again....You will love this one
10-22-2010, 01:42 PM
#91
Super Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Virginia
Posts: 1,260
My daughter is 35 now but I went through this same sort of stuff with her. She could not understand how this sort of thing could lead to worse things until she came home pregnant. NOT because I let her go to any of these parties but she would sneak out and meet up with her so-called-friends or even better yet "stay late at school" so she could run around with her friends. She did married the father but after 14 years of him cheating on her then her cheating on him out of spite, she'd had enough and this past summer they have now split up. She has 2 girls ages 14 and 8 and they have watch how their parents has treated each other all these years. It's heart breaking to see how they have become so un-trusting towards people. Maybe you can share this story with your daughter and maybe it will help her to understand how things can go so bad when they seem so innocent.
10-22-2010, 01:53 PM
#92
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 932
I think you have come to your own solution. Exactly, you do know your daughter better than any of us.
When our children were growing up, my husband never said no, just gave them all the reasons why he didn't think it was such a great idea. So it really turned their thinking around and a few times they came back and thanked us for not letting them go.
We always had the policy that no matter what time of night, if they were out we would pick them up.
I remember once my daughter was going to a party and I had a strict pick up time, she begged to stay a little later, I relented and said she could stay until 11pm. At 9pm she phone and asked to be picked up as she didn't like the way the party was going.
Trust is a wonderful thing and no doubt my children were never angels but they have grown into very responsible adults.
I am sure your daughter will be just as responsible.
When our children were growing up, my husband never said no, just gave them all the reasons why he didn't think it was such a great idea. So it really turned their thinking around and a few times they came back and thanked us for not letting them go.
We always had the policy that no matter what time of night, if they were out we would pick them up.
I remember once my daughter was going to a party and I had a strict pick up time, she begged to stay a little later, I relented and said she could stay until 11pm. At 9pm she phone and asked to be picked up as she didn't like the way the party was going.
Trust is a wonderful thing and no doubt my children were never angels but they have grown into very responsible adults.
I am sure your daughter will be just as responsible.
Originally Posted by Quiltforme
I want to thank you all for saying exactly what I was feeling. It is just no appropriate. I picked her from school today and we went to starbucks. A place where neither one of us could get upset. I asked her to reverse rolls with me for a minute and really try to understand what it is like to be a mom. I calmly explained that 1 a few weeks ago some kids from Easter Washington went to a party thinking it would be a fun time. A lot of GOOD girls were drugged with the date rape drug. I know this is extreme but I needed her to understand this is not ok to do. I then gave her an ultimatum. She could go to the house and stay there for a couple of hours after the dance but if the boys were staying the night then she will have to come home. I also told her that if it is just her and her friends then no problem but I have a problem with the boyfriends there. She understood it was much easier than I thought being in a coffee shop with her no yelling screaming matches. She is going to find out more information and we will see. I also thanked her for telling me about the boys. I also told her if she had not and I found out after the fact she would be back to home schooling again. I want to thank you all for your input this was something I had never thought I would have to deal with I am overprotective and also letting go of the apron strings is hard but I know she has to grow up, however this was not an area I didn't want her to have to deal with just yet.
10-22-2010, 02:11 PM
#93
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: NEPA
Posts: 640
Originally Posted by Mamagus
I have a 25 year old daughter ...
In my opinion: She asks this time and you give her a no? The next time she won't ask. She'll find a time and a place to rebel without you ever knowing anything about it.
It is all well and good to be the Mom who takes the high moral ground, but unless you plan to escort her everywhere she goes for the next 4 years, she will in all probability have sex with a boy before then. You can be pro-active and provide her with birth control or her own supply of condoms, but if she wants to, she is gonna do it with or without a sleepover party. It takes a few minutes!!
By all means call the parents and check out where the boys are sleeping... but unless you're going to supervise her, you have to give her "The Talk" and hope for the best.
Letting your child make decisions on their own about their life's path is not being amoral and uncaring. Not if you've already been the voice in her head guiding her decisions thus far. If you've raised her right she'll be fine.
In my opinion: She asks this time and you give her a no? The next time she won't ask. She'll find a time and a place to rebel without you ever knowing anything about it.
It is all well and good to be the Mom who takes the high moral ground, but unless you plan to escort her everywhere she goes for the next 4 years, she will in all probability have sex with a boy before then. You can be pro-active and provide her with birth control or her own supply of condoms, but if she wants to, she is gonna do it with or without a sleepover party. It takes a few minutes!!
By all means call the parents and check out where the boys are sleeping... but unless you're going to supervise her, you have to give her "The Talk" and hope for the best.
Letting your child make decisions on their own about their life's path is not being amoral and uncaring. Not if you've already been the voice in her head guiding her decisions thus far. If you've raised her right she'll be fine.
My daughters are now 34, 31 & 26. I was the one that hosted the prom parties. Everyone slept on the living room floor (I didn't sleep : ) ) and I had to speak with each parent in person to make sure the kids weren't pulling a fast one! No drugs/alcohol on premises and everyone had a good time.
That said, you have to trust your own instincts!
10-22-2010, 02:14 PM
#94
Junior Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Arizona
Posts: 174
Originally Posted by Painiacs
Stick to your guns! She 17 doesn't need to grow up so fast. She will thank you in a few yrs!!
10-22-2010, 03:26 PM
#95
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 55
HI, What part of NO does she not know. You are the Mom, and the word of mom means boss is my house. You can give an answer more in depth than NO,but she knows why. No further explanations are needed at this time. Period. Advice from a 70 year old mother of 44 yr.old beautiful,sweet,lady, with an 18 1/2 yr. old girl, that says "Thanks Mom, for loving me enough to say NO when needed." Hang in there it does get easier as time goes by. OXOXOX glo
10-22-2010, 03:32 PM
#96
Junior Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Staples, Mn
Posts: 177
I have 6 daughters, NO! NO! NO! They will do what they want soon enough, or maybe already have. They will only hate you for a few years and will tell you all about their misdeeds, buit at least you will know you tried. :thumbdown: :thumbdown: :)
10-22-2010, 03:45 PM
#97
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 835
Are you over reacting? heck No!
I may also be considered old fashioned but we had a rule in our house when the kids were teenagers. No sleep overs of the opposite sex (girlfriend/boyfriend) either in our house or at someone elses.
I may also be considered old fashioned but we had a rule in our house when the kids were teenagers. No sleep overs of the opposite sex (girlfriend/boyfriend) either in our house or at someone elses.
10-22-2010, 03:45 PM
#98
Senior Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Columbus, Ohio
Posts: 521
I say stick to your guns!! This isn't about what's going to happen the next time she wants to do something..it has to do with this time!! Kids aren't very good at judging their own ability to resist temptation, so why put them in a situation where they are tempted? And even though she may throw a fit now, she may actually be looking for an excuse to not go! Peer pressure (even if the others are not there to hear your NO) dictates she have a hissy fit, she'll silently enjoy her relief in making you the heavy and saving face while not having to attend something that would make her uneasy :D
10-22-2010, 03:47 PM
#100
Super Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 3,252
Reminds me of when my daughter was an early teen and wanted to go to a slumber party at friend's house. Didn't really know the parents but it was a small town and nice area. Asked her if the parents were "going to be home". She said oh yes. What I found out later was that, yes, they were "going to be home", but not until later in the week-end! LOL now. She called late that nite to be picked up. Turned into a big unsupervised party. Lesson learned-talk to the parents. I wish you the best with the next few years.
Thread
Thread Starter
Forum
Replies
Last Post
Macybaby
For Vintage & Antique Machine Enthusiasts
20
08-29-2013 08:09 PM
Ditter43
General Chit-Chat (non-quilting talk)
19
09-12-2010 07:40 PM
