rosalia856

We raised two daughters. We had a rule that no boys in the house unless the girls were together in the open. No boys in the bedrooms. And no guys stayed overnight. The boy next door came over one day and my youngest was home alone. they sat on the back stup. She decided to make some mac and cheese for the two of them. Just then her older sister came home and he was invited into eat dinner with them. I believe a parent has the finial word. So if she is made that is her problem not yours. Someday she will understand when she has children of her own. This rule would apply if I had raised boys. Never leave yourself in a bad situation. I will be praying for you. And what parent thinks this is a good idea?

sall

You are the parent, so you make the decision. Parents decisions are not always taken too well, but believe me in time they will thank you. My children are all adults now, and gosh did I have some decisions to make.My children were never my "best friend" when they were teenagers, I was their parent. My eldest daughter is now 52 and my youngest is 37 and yes we are friends as well now as mother and daughter.

MaggieLou

I would call or go meet the parents. In todays world you can't be too careful. I would find out if there is to be any "sleeping" or will the kids actually stay up all night playing wii or something. If you don't feel comfortable letting her go then don't. She will be mad at you but better that than something bad happening.

Marlys

I would definitely talk to the parents, preferably in person, before you give your daughter an answer.

I was the parent who had the "all night parties" after Snowball and Prom. However, we live in a small town where everyone knows everyone else. I never went to bed. I did not stay in the room (it was in the basement). But I was in and out all night, replacing food. It was both boys & girls. They played board games, Wii, and watched movies. Usually half of them would fall asleep during the movies. I would wake them up for breakfast about 9:00 and send them home. Yes, it was a lot of work and I would be very tired for a couple of days. But it was so worth it to provide a safe place for our kids to go. I did have several parents call before to make sure there would be no alcohol and that there would be supervision. I was never offended! They all had to spend the whole night unless they talked to me about it ahead of time.

Now that both of my kids are in college, several kids still in High School are wondering what they will do after those events because no other parent has stepped up. I think that is sad!

Maybe you could offer to help the parents. One parent spent the night here, helping me and just visiting with me to help me stay awake. It was much appreciated!

Good luck!

IrishNY

One more thought - many posters have said it's a matter of trust. I don't agree. I trusted my daughters and they have always proven themselves worthy of that trust.

However, I can't be sure I can trust others that they are around so I was careful that they didn't end in situations where that might be a problem. That wouldn't be my primary reason for saying no to this situation, however.

It would be because I think that each age brings situations/events that are appropriate for that age. Every parent has their own personal yardstick on what is appropriate at what age. There are parents who think things are appropriate at younger ages than I did and that was fine for their kids. But for mine, they were required to stick my yardstick of appropriate, and I wasn't budged by what other parents thought or did. (The old 'everyone else is doing it' speech).

So you will get a million answers if you ask a million people but at the end of the day, use your own yardstick. It's the only way.

Robinlee

Everyone of these posts is "wisdom" from a parent. Listen to your heart, trust and check into the "party host/house".
My parents would not of allowed it, and neither did I with 2 daughters and a son. Growing up thou, our house was the meeting place (I had and still have the coolest parents) and my kids were welcome to bring friends, but "no one" in bedrooms with doors shut.
You will make the right decision for you and family. But take time to check it out, and take time in discussion with her.
I am sure all of here will be thinkin' about you!

kellen46

No you are not over reacting. I did not raise girls, I raised boys but if they had asked to do such a thing I would have said no as well. Now my boys have teen boys and they also would have said no. After explaining to your daughter in a kindly way, call the parents involved in the sleep over and explain to them in a kind way why you are saying no. Emphasize to them that your daughter does not have your permission to attend a mixed sleep over party. She may be angry, she may rebel, but she will also know you care enough to set limits and be involved in her life. It is a lesson she will carry with her into her own parenting. Indifference is far more devastating than rules and expectations.

starshine

It is not a good idea for coed sleep overs with teens. Never! I know some parents do permit these but IMHO it is putting your child in a situation they are too young for. As a parent it is our job to guide them to good decisions (this party isn't a good decision- again imho). Some schools have Lock-ins with prom, where the kids will go to a place like a bowling alley or an arcade, where they can be involved with activities (safe) and these are chaparoned, and they aren't sleeping, and then everyone goes home at the early morning hour. I hadn't heard of them for other dances, but my youngest is 24. If you don't want your daughter "sleeping" with her boyfriend, why would you let her be in an environment that would make it too easy to do? I didn't read all the posts but I doubt that there would be a few parents at the house staying up all night chaparoning. My position on my kids(-boys or girls- I have both) ws that they never would be allowed to attend coed sleepovers. If they wanted to get together for breakfast they could return for breakfast. I only remember one time it came up, and I said no, and I think my daughter had mixed feelings-she didn't want to miss out on fun, but was I think a bit uncomfortable with the idea. And I think she had even shared after the fact that she was glad she didn't get to go. Sometimes love means saying No.

hapytlk

I would have smashed the brakes on as well. I am certain other parents have no clue about all the arrangments..she can't be the only one with a sensible parent. Good grief! What are the 'hosting' parents even thinking. You say you don't know them..however they can't possibly be 'parents' to their daughter if they are promoting this..sounds to me like they just want to be buddies and good friends to their child.

You have NOT over reacted. Let her get mad. She will thank you later ..believe me. Hang in there

maggiemuggins

I am in agreement with those who urged you to meet the parents and find out if they are actually going to be there and what the arrangements are...there is no foul in you being careful re your daughter...I know it isn't easy to be the so called "bad guy" but tell her you are worried about about her and only want what's best for her.