Mom's with daughters I need your advice again....You will love this one
10-22-2010, 06:31 PM
#111
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 327
Originally Posted by Mamagus
I have a 25 year old daughter ...
In my opinion: She asks this time and you give her a no? The next time she won't ask. She'll find a time and a place to rebel without you ever knowing anything about it.
It is all well and good to be the Mom who takes the high moral ground, but unless you plan to escort her everywhere she goes for the next 4 years, she will in all probability have sex with a boy before then. You can be pro-active and provide her with birth control or her own supply of condoms, but if she wants to, she is gonna do it with or without a sleepover party. It takes a few minutes!!
By all means call the parents and check out where the boys are sleeping... but unless you're going to supervise her, you have to give her "The Talk" and hope for the best.
Letting your child make decisions on their own about their life's path is not being amoral and uncaring. Not if you've already been the voice in her head guiding her decisions thus far. If you've raised her right she'll be fine.
In my opinion: She asks this time and you give her a no? The next time she won't ask. She'll find a time and a place to rebel without you ever knowing anything about it.
It is all well and good to be the Mom who takes the high moral ground, but unless you plan to escort her everywhere she goes for the next 4 years, she will in all probability have sex with a boy before then. You can be pro-active and provide her with birth control or her own supply of condoms, but if she wants to, she is gonna do it with or without a sleepover party. It takes a few minutes!!
By all means call the parents and check out where the boys are sleeping... but unless you're going to supervise her, you have to give her "The Talk" and hope for the best.
Letting your child make decisions on their own about their life's path is not being amoral and uncaring. Not if you've already been the voice in her head guiding her decisions thus far. If you've raised her right she'll be fine.
10-22-2010, 06:35 PM
#112
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 327
Originally Posted by nativetexan
Some schools are thinking of classes being separate again for girls and boys. They have my blessing. better yet, separate schools like they used to!! and no co-ed College dorms either!!! things have gotten way out of hand and kids, even college "kids" can't control themselves. our girls are paying the price.
I'd talk to the parents for certain and see how many adults will be there. sleep overs with boys and girls seem an odd thing to do to me....
I just read one boy went to prison-wish the boy who attacked my granddtr would be put in prison-he's in Texas which must still be a good ole boys State! lives down the street from her and in same school too. do i sound bitter?
yep. anyway, we have to do all we can to keep our children safe, even if that means being mean!
I'd talk to the parents for certain and see how many adults will be there. sleep overs with boys and girls seem an odd thing to do to me....
I just read one boy went to prison-wish the boy who attacked my granddtr would be put in prison-he's in Texas which must still be a good ole boys State! lives down the street from her and in same school too. do i sound bitter?
yep. anyway, we have to do all we can to keep our children safe, even if that means being mean!
10-22-2010, 06:37 PM
#113
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Saugus, MA
Posts: 659
Originally Posted by Quiltforme
My daughter is almost 17 and is going to her first homecoming dance on Saturday. All well here me very excited, dress check, shoes check, makeup check. Then tonight she comes home and ask if she can spend the night at her friends house. I am ok with this but that little gut feeling something more was comming. Then she said well here is the catch I pop up and said what no parents she says no "The Boys" will also be staying over. INSTANT brakes HECK NO my daughter is upset. Ok I need to know am I over reacting?? I was a single mother for a few years I was 21 but still. I know that the parents will be there but I do not know the parents. I honestly do not know what to say. I told her I need to calm down and then talk with her tomorrow. You all have really helped me with my quilting and sorry to bug you but I know that with so many mom's out there with older kids you have already been through this. I live in an area were all the kids 12 and younger. So I really do not have anyone else to talk too. Her best friend's mom and I are good friends but I cannot believe she would let her daughter sleep over with her boyfriend. Please tell me if I am overreacting or being a mom who loves her kid. I value all opinions on this one.
10-22-2010, 06:38 PM
#114
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 327
Originally Posted by quiltluvr
Think of examples of parents who say yes, whether you know them or not. Then look at the results and ask yourself, is that what you want for your child. (Totally different realm, but I think of Miley Cyrus and family.)
Kids do have a mind of their own and it's even harder when hormones are raging out of control but when a parent "caves" in to pressure or uncertainty about a decision, it's like blood in the water to a shark.
Isn't it ironic that when our kids are small we drill it in their heads to NEVER talk to a stranger, give them their name, get in their car or walk off with them. Give them another dozen years plus and we allow them to go to people's houses we know nothing about.
Yeah, I was a "bad" Mom who had no trouble saying no. I'm sure I'll be even a worse grandma when that time comes.
Kids do have a mind of their own and it's even harder when hormones are raging out of control but when a parent "caves" in to pressure or uncertainty about a decision, it's like blood in the water to a shark.
Isn't it ironic that when our kids are small we drill it in their heads to NEVER talk to a stranger, give them their name, get in their car or walk off with them. Give them another dozen years plus and we allow them to go to people's houses we know nothing about.
Yeah, I was a "bad" Mom who had no trouble saying no. I'm sure I'll be even a worse grandma when that time comes.
10-22-2010, 06:40 PM
#115
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 327
Originally Posted by trupeach1
Originally Posted by Joan
You are one perseptive mom and deserve a pat on the back.
My daughter (now 30) did this in High School. She and her friends would go to a school dance and have a "Slumber Party" at one of the girls' home. I found out much later (like when she was in her twenties) that these Slumber Parties included boys and that they partied all night. I can't believe I was that naive.
Be tough, give her a curfew and get that girl home!
My daughter (now 30) did this in High School. She and her friends would go to a school dance and have a "Slumber Party" at one of the girls' home. I found out much later (like when she was in her twenties) that these Slumber Parties included boys and that they partied all night. I can't believe I was that naive.
Be tough, give her a curfew and get that girl home!
10-22-2010, 06:47 PM
#116
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Hamilton, Montana
Posts: 968
I don't think you are over re-acting. I think if your daughter hadn't wanted to be told "no", she would not have mentioned the boys. Kids want limits and this way she can blame it you "mean old mother". You are blessed that you daughter trust you enough to tell you everything (even if it means a "no" from you"
10-22-2010, 07:27 PM
#117
Super Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Lost in a quilt shop :-)
Posts: 1,342
Originally Posted by moonwolf23
Originally Posted by quiltluvr
Think of examples of parents who say yes, whether you know them or not. Then look at the results and ask yourself, is that what you want for your child. (Totally different realm, but I think of Miley Cyrus and family.)
Kids do have a mind of their own and it's even harder when hormones are raging out of control but when a parent "caves" in to pressure or uncertainty about a decision, it's like blood in the water to a shark.
Isn't it ironic that when our kids are small we drill it in their heads to NEVER talk to a stranger, give them their name, get in their car or walk off with them. Give them another dozen years plus and we allow them to go to people's houses we know nothing about.
Yeah, I was a "bad" Mom who had no trouble saying no. I'm sure I'll be even a worse grandma when that time comes.
Kids do have a mind of their own and it's even harder when hormones are raging out of control but when a parent "caves" in to pressure or uncertainty about a decision, it's like blood in the water to a shark.
Isn't it ironic that when our kids are small we drill it in their heads to NEVER talk to a stranger, give them their name, get in their car or walk off with them. Give them another dozen years plus and we allow them to go to people's houses we know nothing about.
Yeah, I was a "bad" Mom who had no trouble saying no. I'm sure I'll be even a worse grandma when that time comes.
10-22-2010, 07:35 PM
#118
Super Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Timberlea, Nova Scotia, Canada
Posts: 1,262
Originally Posted by T-Bones mom
Call me old fashioned but that would be the day when my 17yo daughter would sleep over with her boyfriend. IMHO
10-22-2010, 08:06 PM
#119
Junior Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 141
I would yell NO! It doesn't mean a lot if the parents are there. Some parents go to bed and couldn't care what's going on. I worked with kids for many years and they need you to be the Mom and not their friend.Stand firm and let them whine all they want. Tomorrow it will be something else.Don't feel guilty for being a single parent. As I tell my daughter it doesn't matter single or married they always learn to push you to get their way.
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