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Thread: Not Complaining - Why Don't Doctors Listen?

  1. #1
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    Hi everybody. I really needed to come on the board and read some of the writings here. I get joy that way. I also want to ask for some advice about how to get a doctor to listen to you.

    I just got home from a doctor appointment. As usual, I had to listen to his agenda before we could address mine. I think mine is why I went in the first place. I'm not complaining - really, I'm not. I guess that is just the way doctors are now. I want to ask if anyone has any clues about how to get their point across without the doctor jumping right in with a litany of reasons why medications are the only way to go.

    I had my list of topics I wanted to cover and he saw it. I always take one. I stated what I wanted to talk about when he asked why I was there. Things went downhill from there. I can't take meds without severe reactions (he has a list of those on his computerized file for me and had it in front of him and showed it to me). He disagreed with anything I told him or skipped right over it. I left with two prescriptions and a sheet for the lab of some blood work. I guesss it might be useful. But, not what I talked about needing.

    I guess since he did provide orders for my bone density test and my mammogram (I did ask for those), I should be happy. I'll keep researching on my own for answers for my food allergies, etc. on my own.

    So please, if you have any advice about how to get a doctor to pay attention to the patient's wants without jumping into a lecture on why medication is the only way to go, I would love to hear it. Thanks for listening and I hope this didn't come off as complaining. I reread this and deleted what sounded like that to me. :)

  2. #2
    Super Member Charlee's Avatar
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    I think your concerns are totally valid. I also think you need to find a new doctor. Is this guy an allergist? If not, I'd be for finding one.

    While doctors aren't there to tell us what we want to hear, but instead to diagose and treat, they still need to listen to their patients. What good does it do to write scripts for a patient that won't take the medication anyway?

  3. #3
    Super Member Murphy's Avatar
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    I had this happen to me and I changed doctors. This was the advice given to me by my growing up family doctor as he was retiring. It is your life and you should be heard. IMHO.

  4. #4
    Super Member LoriEl's Avatar
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    He should listen to you. You are paying him to listen so unless you really, really like him, maybe try a new doc next time. If that one doesn't listen either, maybe it is just the way they are now.

  5. #5
    Super Member Rose L's Avatar
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    The answer is to find another doctor. They are all human and have their ways and quirks just like the rest of us but for your own good you need to keep seeking the one that you can work with. I've been to scores of them seeking answers and help and if they can't give me what I need I keep looking without a single pang of guilt. I have a neuropshychologist who helps me with all of my pain issues and he says the same thing. Find someone else who will listen and try to help. You don't have to take any crap off of anyone!!

  6. #6
    Super Member redkimba's Avatar
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    If you feel as though the doctor is not listening to you, make an appointment just to touch base & tell your feelings about it. Make sure that they understand that the appt is just for that. If he/she is still not listening to you, then very calmly tell the doctor that you appreciate the time, but you will find another doctor.

    Please keep in mind that the doctor is also stressed out & probably having to meet a certain quota of patients every day just to make ends meet.

    In the end the body you are discussing belongs to YOU. There are plenty of doctors who will listen.

  7. #7
    Moderator QuiltnNan's Avatar
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    my doctor listens to why i am there and addresses those issues. when i call for an appointment, they ask why i'm coming and make sure to book enough time for all to be covered. this is one reason i say that medical care is so much better here in minnesota that what i received in florida.

  8. #8
    Kas
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    Super Member Kas's Avatar
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    I understand completely! I am looking for a new doctor. I went in last week because food is getting stuck painfully in my throat when I eat. I explained how this has been going on for 3 years, but it is getting worse and more frequent. The appointment was only 10mins? And the first 5 was spent re explaining (after telling the nurse in detail) to him that I didn't have strep throat or throat pain except when I ate something and it got stuck. Dang! What a waste of money.

  9. #9
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    I agree with the others who suggested changing doctors. You know your body best. I'm fortunate in that my doctor listens to my concerns. He'll also spend as much time with me as needed.

  10. #10
    Super Member donnajean's Avatar
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    Sounds just like my GP doctor. I think he is so busy reading my file that he does not listen to the reason why I am there. Last year, an office person called me to say he was perscribing a blood pressure medication. My blood pressure always goes high when in dr's. office as I can't get my point across & get agitated when having to wait more than an hour. My blood pressure is extremely low when I wake up in the morning, so I'm afraid to take any medication. I tave problems with any medication they try to give me. I think I have a food allergy as well, but can't pin it down. What else would cause numb/tingling lips for almost 2 weeks now?

    Quote Originally Posted by Tropical
    Hi everybody. I really needed to come on the board and read some of the writings here. I get joy that way. I also want to ask for some advice about how to get a doctor to listen to you.

    I just got home from a doctor appointment. As usual, I had to listen to his agenda before we could address mine. I think mine is why I went in the first place. I'm not complaining - really, I'm not. I guess that is just the way doctors are now. I want to ask if anyone has any clues about how to get their point across without the doctor jumping right in with a litany of reasons why medications are the only way to go.

    I had my list of topics I wanted to cover and he saw it. I always take one. I stated what I wanted to talk about when he asked why I was there. Things went downhill from there. I can't take meds without severe reactions (he has a list of those on his computerized file for me and had it in front of him and showed it to me). He disagreed with anything I told him or skipped right over it. I left with two prescriptions and a sheet for the lab of some blood work. I guesss it might be useful. But, not what I talked about needing.

    I guess since he did provide orders for my bone density test and my mammogram (I did ask for those), I should be happy. I'll keep researching on my own for answers for my food allergies, etc. on my own.

    So please, if you have any advice about how to get a doctor to pay attention to the patient's wants without jumping into a lecture on why medication is the only way to go, I would love to hear it. Thanks for listening and I hope this didn't come off as complaining. I reread this and deleted what sounded like that to me. :)

  11. #11
    Super Member scowlkat's Avatar
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    Find another doctor - it is the only answer! My doctor of 25 years left his practice and referred me to another partner. My first visit consisted of me stating why I was there and then listening to him for 20 minutes explain why this food supplement he could sell me would take care of my ailments. I never went back. I was fortunate that I knew another doctor that treated my MIL and was accepted by her. It is your health that is at stake and if you don't feel comfortable with how they are treating you and your problems, it is up to YOU to take charge.

  12. #12
    Super Member donnajean's Avatar
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    Sounds like you should see an ear,nose, throat doc.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kas
    I understand completely! I am looking for a new doctor. I went in last week because food is getting stuck painfully in my throat when I eat. I explained how this has been going on for 3 years, but it is getting worse and more frequent. The appointment was only 10mins? And the first 5 was spent re explaining (after telling the nurse in detail) to him that I didn't have strep throat or throat pain except when I ate something and it got stuck. Dang! What a waste of money.

  13. #13
    Super Member athomenow's Avatar
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    Dr. Oz says to write your questions down and have him do his homework then call you with answers! I haven't tried this because i have a good dr. And by the way all my Dr's are female! Won't go to a man unless I have to.

  14. #14
    Super Member Nanamoms's Avatar
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    Yes, I agree with everyone who posted to find another doctor. Yes, doctors are stressed and have to see so many patients due to all the regulations but how else can a doctor correctly diagnose you w/o listening to your symptoms?

    I agree that you may need to see an allergist and I would ask for a referral from his nurse.

    All doctors are not like the one you described. also, you can ask for your medical records to take to a new doctor. That helps from starting over.

  15. #15
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    I had to use drastic words to get my doctor to listen. After several years of problems, I finally told him I was sure I was dying, and I needed REAL HELP! I demanded that he do some tests or I was going to find a Dr. who would.

    So he sent me for test, then I found a GI Dr. and I did find out what the problem was, and learned that I have had the problem for more than a few years. How about 5?

    After trips to the hospital and efforts to correct the problem, I was sent to a liver specialist who knew how to take care of the problem.

    Now that all this is resolved and I am beginning to feel like living again, I plan to find a new Doctor. My Primary Care physician just does not have his heart in his work. I think he is suffering from burn-out.

    Hello New Year and Hello New Doctor.

    June in Cincinnati

  16. #16
    Junior Member fishhavengirl's Avatar
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    It's your body and you have the right to tell your doctor what you will and will NOT take. Mine wanted to give me Cumadin and I told him no way....he didn't like it but I put the question back on him and asked if would take something he didn't agree with...he just laughed. They aren't god's, although some sure think they are! One of his new little doctors fresh out of medical school told me that they wouldn't due a procedure on me because it would only benefit a younger person with a longer life span. WHAT!!?? I'm 58 not 158...I told her she could go fly a kite and told the front office I would die first before I ever let her see me again. Find the right doctor for you and don't just do what they think is right if it doesn't seem right to you. Hugs ((( )))) and prayers.

  17. #17
    Senior Member collady's Avatar
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    I wouldn't worry about why that doctor doesn't listen to you. I would find a new doctor! I am lucky to have one that walks in, sits down, and asks what is going on. He listens and takes notes! I found him after the doctor I had been using for years moved. I wish I had found him sooner!

  18. #18
    Super Member irishrose's Avatar
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    Find a new doctor you can work with. My PCP is great, but the rheumatologist he sent me to was a clone of the doctor you described. I went for two app'ts and didn't return. When I went back to my PCP, he agreed. Is there another doctor in the same practice you can see so you don't have to transfer all your records? It's your body and you know it best!

  19. #19
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    Go find a different Dr. A co worker's husband kept getting "bronchitis" and his Dr. kept treating it as that. For as long and often as he had it, we told her he needed to see a different Dr. They waited a little longer till finally they listened and saw a different Dr. He had a fairly rare, but not unknown,illness, which if it had been caught earlier, could have been treated and possibly given him years before needing a lung transplant. As it turned out he received a lung transplant a few months later and lived for about a year after that. We all hope we have the Dr that knows everything but they are human.

  20. #20
    Senior Member Kehoeta's Avatar
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    DonnaJean.... Vitamin B deficiency will give you those tingles.. I had no idea. But lucky for me... I have a wonderful doctor that I e-mail my list to just prior to my appointment and she is prepared to talk to me about my health concerns. Anyway - she had me get my blood tested a couple of times because the Vitamin B levels were low. Then she prescribed shots, she says somehow I don't absorb enough from food... Anyway. Voila.... no tingles.

    Tropical.... I agree with everyone who says find another doc. There are good ones out there.

  21. #21
    Super Member AlwaysQuilting's Avatar
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    I agree that you need to find a different doctor.

    Why are pills the first thing doctors recommend?
    Because that's how they are trained in the USA. The medical schools are funded by the big pharmaceutical companies.
    Why isn't he listening to you?
    He could just be bad at listening.
    And / or he needs to rush all patients through so he can treat his daily patient quota to pay his overhead and insurance.
    System stinks.

  22. #22
    Super Member SouthPStitches's Avatar
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    You have to find a primary care provider that speaks your language, listens and addresses your concerns. Sometimes, going to a physician's assistant or nurse practitioner may be a better fit. They often spend more time with the patient, are more thorough and have more general enthusiasm for the practice of medicine. They can be your best advocate as they have most times have immediate, direct access to the overseeing physician.

  23. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by donnajean
    Sounds just like my GP doctor. ... I think I have a food allergy as well, but can't pin it down. What else would cause numb/tingling lips for almost 2 weeks now?

    ]
    Donnajean,

    Numb, tingling lips indicate a nerve problem. I suggest you see a neurologist. It's possible that an allergy could do that, but not as likely. Please have that investigated as soon as possible.

    I agree with all those who said to get a new DR. My experience with some DRs is that after they see you a few times, you become a "condition", and they listen to you with that "condition" filtering their thoughts. When you aren't getting through to them, it's time to find a new Dr.

  24. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Charlee
    I think your concerns are totally valid. I also think you need to find a new doctor. Is this guy an allergist? If not, I'd be for finding one.

    While doctors aren't there to tell us what we want to hear, but instead to diagose and treat, they still need to listen to their patients. What good does it do to write scripts for a patient that won't take the medication anyway?
    No he is not an allergist. Some of the allergists I have tried don't treat food allergies. Still looking for one so I thought my doctor might have knowledge of one. As for the medications, it is a matter of severe reactions to them so I can't take them, therefore I won't. Depending on the type, I do usually do try new ones a couple of times to be sure.

  25. #25
    Super Member SouthPStitches's Avatar
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    Another thought (I work for a physician).....The general medical community gets unreasonably testy if a patient admits to searching on the internet for medical info. Really gets their hackles up. Okay to mention you've been doing some research on your own but best not to admit to Googling.

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