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-   -   When People Ask For Hand Outs and Donations (https://www.quiltingboard.com/general-chit-chat-non-quilting-talk-f7/when-people-ask-hand-outs-donations-t48820.html)

craftybear 06-09-2010 06:15 PM

thank you PatriceJ for letting us know, we all have to be careful

Dingle 06-09-2010 06:54 PM

This is some interesting reading. I agree with pretty much every thing that was said. I'm new to quilting and got real lucky when I found this board. Have learned alot. Even told my newbie Sister about this board and she joined too. Sis and I share our stash. Our tastes are different, so works out well. We always order online together to get the best deal. Lots of times I find things I know she will like and just get it. Or if I'm getting something for myself I just go ahead and get her one too. Have also pm'ed a couple posters for some help and that worked out great :thumbup:

Now about the sharing. Some said they won't share with them if they don't play with them on the board. I can understand to a point. You can see when I joined. I have posted some questions and made some comments but not a whole lot. It doesn't mean I'm only here once in a while. I work full time so weekends are about the only time I have to quilt. And being new it does take me awhile to get something done. I check out this board 3 times a day. Just before work, at lunch and when I'm settling down for the night. Weekends 5-6 times a day. I read every board on this forum. I may not post alot but that's because if I have a question I use the search and also google. If I can't seem to find the answer I need thats when I post.

The one thing that drives me crazy is seeing the same questions asked everyday. (Sorry if I offended anyone) Thats what the search is for.

So, just because I don't post alot doesn't mean that I'm not here. I hope I never have to ask for help but you never know. I would hope if I ever needed a piece of fabric that I may be short of this group would be there for me. I always look to see what people are needing, but so far I haven't had anything they are looking for.

OK, I'm done. I hope I haven't offended anyone with this post. :)

Have a great week!

chris_quilts 06-09-2010 07:11 PM

Mary Ellen;

God bless you for honoring your grandmother's request regarding the fabric used in her quilt.

I was drawn in by your post. It was deeply moving. I am terribly sorry about all your losses. Please continue to be part of this board and continue to post. I don't get on here much but just lurk due to job right now - just don't have the time. God bless you and your family and what you're doing to try to recover normalcy in your life.

Sweetie, if you need some purple or some blue, I'm your gal. Just pm me and I'll be happy to help you out. Right now, I am blessed but have been there with the depression, the pain and the darkness that comes from both within and without that never seems to end nor be relieved by anything. I will pray for your family, you and the sitation.

God's blessings, Chris

Alu_Rathbone 06-09-2010 07:35 PM


Originally Posted by marsye
I don't want to sound like a witch here but how do you know people are being honest when they ask for hand outs or donations because they can't afford it, etc? I have always wondered about this when you can't actually see them and their situation. I'm always willing to help someone in need when I can see whats going on with my own eyes but online how can you be sure your not being snookered? I'm not pointing my finger at anybody on here. We also have a local forum in our town and people ask for hand outs on there too. Please don't hit me! I'll cry. :lol:

All the fabric I have, aside from maybe about 3 yards of fabric, has been donated from the wonderful ladies here. Even my sewing machine was donated to me. I didn't ask for them. I do ask occasionally, but thats if A. I can't find it one my own and B. I can't really afford it either.

I'm a college student most definitely don't have the money. Moms money goes towards the bills and food. So I'm one legitimate needs people on here. I don't complain though. If I can get fabric on my own, I do. If I am unable to, I wait till we can.

Toto's Mom 06-09-2010 07:44 PM


Originally Posted by brushandthimble
I also received a PM for selvage, but as collect (my own and local friends) selvages, I have a small draw full, it did raise any red light. I could not remember if somewhere in a thread selvages had been mentioned. I have not had the time to follow up with her, so now I will just forget about it.
Thank you all for bringing this up and thank you Patrice for the follow up.

My sentiments, too. Again, thanks, Patrice. Your advice is appreciated.

Jingle 06-09-2010 07:48 PM

Someone sent me a PM too send her selvages I mailed her a small box of them, after I sent them she PMd me again and said she need 1" or 1-1/2" of fabric with the selvages, I told her she didn't tell me that before I sent them, as I just cut off the selvages and use the rest. She did not PM to say she recieved the box. I will not do anything like that again. I don't really care what people think of me, I won't be taken again.
I also had mentioned in a thread that I had a PVC quilting frame I wouldn't use any more and someone PMd me to buy it. I was selling it cheap and was to get the bank check this past monday. I PMd back and said when I got the check I would ship it - at my own expense to her. Quess what? Still don't have the check, I do still have my quilt frame.
I grew up dirt poor and we never asked anyone for anything and I don't like to be asked for anything. If I want to give something I will give, don't like to be asked. Every year I donate lots of really nice, usable items to S.A or GW and I never get a receipt.
Thankfully there aren't too many "slugs" like that on this board.
If I couldn't afford to buy fabric I would not ask anyone for it. I have noticed one woman on here asked for fabric, said she couldn't afford to buy it. Then she posted later that she bought a new sewing machine and a little later she posted that her and her Hubby took a vacation. Haven't seen her on here after that. I think that was pretty crummy.
Like I said before, I don't care what anyone thinks of me for feeling like I do.
Sorry for this being so long, is a hot point with me. I don't like beggers.

stitchinMamaw 06-10-2010 01:58 AM


Originally Posted by JanetM

Originally Posted by marsye
I don't want to sound like a witch here but how do you know people are being honest when they ask for hand outs or donations because they can't afford it, etc? I have always wondered about this when you can't actually see them and their situation. I'm always willing to help someone in need when I can see whats going on with my own eyes but online how can you be sure your not being snookered? I'm not pointing my finger at anybody on here. We also have a local forum in our town and people ask for hand outs on there too. Please don't hit me! I'll cry. :lol:

I don't know if there is any way you can be completely sure.
I have helped several people and know that they were sincere and appreciative.
But I can think of one person that I do think took advantage of the generosity of our members. The outpouring was tremedous, and she received essentially a new sewing room but all I saw was a quick Thanks. I've seen some other "questionable" requests that just don't ring true. If it doesn't feel right, take a pass.

Are you kidding ? This person received a new sewing room ? Well good god ! This is something that has just rubbed me the wrong way . I have seen several new members , very first post , " I'm new send me some fabric " ! Well how nervy can you be ! Never saw their names online again either .

I don't have much but not begging either . Bev this isn't aimed at you at all my friend . I love your pics of your blocks as you post them . I recently sent Bev some small pieces , and don't mind sharing what I do have . Annie

patricej 06-10-2010 02:17 AM

i think i'll keep to myself a description of what grinds my teeth to powder. i would, however, like to share a few examples of what always makes me feel very good when it comes to this question.

it warms my heart and lights its darkest corners whenever i see that someone who has received a significant number of gift packages (1) knows when enough is enough; (2) lets us know that she is now in good shape and will not need any more freebies; (3) pays it forward by donating some or most of what she's made to charities; (4) pays it forward by sending some of what she's gained to others who demonstrate a legitimate need.

ckcowl 06-10-2010 02:31 AM

i guess i don't worry about such things, if a person is willing to ask for something and i have it and am willing to part with it, it does not matter to me what their financial situation may be...i work hard, and lots...but if something is offered for free i am certainly not opposed to accepting it. i always believe in PAY IT FORWARD and always assume the best of people. i have given away probably 50 lbs of scraps to different people on this forum and another...i have never thought about wondering if they could afford to buy their own...what does it matter?

Lisa773 06-10-2010 02:51 AM


Originally Posted by marsye
I don't want to sound like a witch here but how do you know people are being honest when they ask for hand outs or donations because they can't afford it, etc? I have always wondered about this when you can't actually see them and their situation. I'm always willing to help someone in need when I can see whats going on with my own eyes but online how can you be sure your not being snookered? I'm not pointing my finger at anybody on here. We also have a local forum in our town and people ask for hand outs on there too. Please don't hit me! I'll cry. :lol:

Here is my humble opinion. The world is full of those who are in need. Some who are truly in need and some who are just plain needy and will take "anything" that is free or a handout. And some scammers are more obvious than others. If I am able to give, I will give. I am fortunate, because I don't have to worry about whether or not I am being scammed. It is not my place to judge. There is a higher power for that.
I have, in the past, given to those who didn't ask and didn't know who gave to them. Their need was apparent and I did what I could. Have I been scammed before...probably. Do I stop giving help when I am able because I might be scammed...no.
In a nutshell, if you want to give help to someone, do so with a pure heart and don't worry about being scammed. You will be blessed for your generosity and perhaps the person you helped will help someone else down the road because of you. If they don't, so be it. You did something good.


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