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Thread: RETIRED/BORED HUSBAND - funny!

  1. #1
    Super Member Kitsie's Avatar
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    RETIRED/BORED HUSBAND - funny!

    After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.

    Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to
    get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women -
    she loves to browse.

    Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:

    Dear Mrs. Harris,

    Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in
    our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to
    ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband,
    Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video
    surveillance cameras:

    1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other
    people's carts when they weren't looking.

    2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at
    5-minute intervals.

    3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
    women's restroom.

    4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
    voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the
    employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from
    her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing
    management to lose time and costing the company money.

    5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway

    6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

    7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
    children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and
    blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

    8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began
    crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs
    were called.

    9.. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as
    a mirror while he picked his nose.

    10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he
    asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

    11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly
    humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

    12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look'
    by using different sizes of funnels on his chest.

    13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
    through, he yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

    14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a
    fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN! '



    15. Took a box of condoms to the check out clerk and asked where the
    fitting room was?


    And last, but not least:

    16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
    awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in
    here.'

    One of the clerks passed out.

    If you don't send this to 12 of your dearest friends, you will be
    depriving them of some good humor.
    http://s1248.photobucket.com/albums/hh485/KitsieH/
    Never regret growing older, its a privilege denied to many.
    Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

    Kitsie

  2. #2
    Power Poster
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    So funny!

  3. #3
    Senior Member skowron5's Avatar
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    So Funny. I am now afraid to open the mail sounds like my hubby.

  4. #4
    Super Member athomenow's Avatar
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    Had to send this out! Love it.
    Debra

  5. #5
    Senior Member Wendys Quilts's Avatar
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    Too funny!!!!

  6. #6
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    Love it. that kinda sounds like me bored shopper.
    my husband is the shopper in this house. he can look
    every thing.

  7. #7
    Super Member michelehuston's Avatar
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    That is hilarious!!!
    Remember, life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,

    but by the moments that take our breath away.

  8. #8
    Junior Member CraftyCricket's Avatar
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    Hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  9. #9
    Super Member
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    My husband retired yesterday. Please do not let this happen to me. LOL

  10. #10
    Super Member auntpiggylpn's Avatar
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    Thanks for the giggle!!!!
    No one has ever become poor by giving. - Anne Frank
    Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. - Martin Luther King, Jr.

    http://www.etsy.com/shop/TheQuiltedPig

  11. #11
    Super Member
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    My husband is retiring in August, I just know that I will end up barred from every quilt shop, WM, Target, etc. Very funny, thanks for the laugh!
    Aronel aka Lee

  12. #12
    Super Member Tink's Mom's Avatar
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    PLEASE...don't give my husband any ideas...he hates shopping!~
    Tink's Mom (My name is really Susie)

  13. #13
    Senior Member imdelagarza62's Avatar
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    Too Funny!
    Ilma

  14. #14
    Super Member Caroline S's Avatar
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    Funny, Funny!!! Will be sending this out to friends for sure.
    Sweet Caroline

  15. #15
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    Very funny. I can relate to this story. When my daughter was young she used to pull pranks similar to this to make me hurry up and finish shopping. Unfortunately, she has changed a lot. Now she is shopaholic!
    Carmen E.

  16. #16
    Super Member damaquilts's Avatar
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    I have seen this a couple of time before and it always makes me laugh.
    Maybe because I have a granddaughter who use to stand in an elevator and for entertainment talk with the voices in her head. She and her mom got a big kick out of peoples reaction.

  17. #17
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    I love this one, gives new meaning to shopping
    Mary

  18. #18
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    Put a BIG smile on my face! Thanks

  19. #19
    j
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    I sent it to my husband to tell him if he gets bored, there are a number of things he can do. -- J

  20. #20
    Senior Member Landers's Avatar
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    So funny! I could see my hubby doing that! Once while at Vicotria Secret. He hollered "come out ot the dressing room, I want to see you in that bra!". Everyone in the store started laughing!
    Carolyn

  21. #21
    Super Member caspharm's Avatar
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    This is great. Thanks!

  22. #22
    Super Member carolaug's Avatar
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    that was GREAT...My hubby enjoyed it too.

  23. #23
    Senior Member sewnbug's Avatar
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    Hilarious!

  24. #24
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    How funny.Will let DH read this one. He is 1 year 3 months away from retiring.God help me. :-)

  25. #25
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    It's Sunday evening, way past my bedtime and I am sitting here laughing to nearly a tear state at these antics. Thanks so much to who ever posted this. Laughter is the best medicine.

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