QuiltE

The 10 yo? or the 25 yo? or in between?

It's hard finding the right thing for the right person, isn't it!
I have two sets of friends, both with 13 yo daughters born days apart .... one is 13, but more like an 8 or 10 yo. The other is more likely going on 23!!!!!!!! You just can't find one thing that suits both, no matter what one considers.

drgranny

I used to go to a lot of trouble to collect gifts for these same nieces and granddaughters. MY nieces and granddaughters always wrote thankyou notes. My husbands nieces only occasionally would thank us for their gifts. This always rubbed me a little the wrong way because my MIL used to correct me on manners and she told me that it was ok to thank someone in person but to always follow up with a written note. These nieces belong to my husbands only sister who was raised by this same MIL. You would think she would have taught her daughters these manners. I sent a baby quilt to one of these nieces and my SIL put a pic on facebook of the baby wrapped in the quilt. But I don't recall anyone saying thank you. Certainely the niece didn't. This has always upset me and I would have stopped sending them gifts a long time ago except for my DH who enjoyed me sending them. I did manage to stop sending them Christmas gifts a couple of years ago. I told them I was using the money I spent on gifts for nieces and grand children to buy Christmas gifts for needy kids in the school where I sub. Which I did do. The quilt is the only gift I have sent since. It was for my SIL first grandbaby.

ube quilting

Kids learn what they see every day. If you do it they will follow without having to tell them. we had manners play days when we were little. Mom would have tea parties and we would all be so polite and just by doing the polite things we learned from our mom how to respond to everyday situations. It was fun.
peace

ckcowl

it's all about their up=bringing, my kids/grandkids always were taught to say thank you from the beginning of being able to talk, express themselves- I know adults and kids who have not been taught to say thanks for anything-and they don't. I blame their parents, and ignore it- everyone is taught differently- makes no sense to let yourself be *slighted, upset, hurt* because someone else was not 'raised' the way you were. if you feel you need to say something about it- say it to the people who raised them to be the way they are- but don't take it personal- or expect anything to change.

Peckish

This is a topic that has me bewildered by my children. I HAVE taught them to write thank you notes. I've purchased neat card sets with nifty designs that they would like, even. Told both of them that if they wanted to continue to receive gifts, they'd darn well better thank people. I've even said to my mother, in front of both of my boys, that since they can't take the time to write thank-you notes, she doesn't need to take the time to give them gifts.

My 19 year old has finally started writing them without any prodding from me. He may be weeks late, but at least he writes them. He finally gets it.

The weirdest thing is they are both otherwise beautifully mannered. They even do things I never taught them, such as thanking me for preparing the meal they just ate. They are required to chew with mouths closed and clear their places at the table, but I never once instructed them to thank me, and they BOTH do it. Very bizarre.

nanacc

Bless his heart; my DG has corrected me before! When he could first speak clearly, this was the routine courtesy for a sneeze............"Bless you!"...response-"Thank you!".....response-"Your welcome". If you missed a step, he would prompt you. Now that he is 20, he forgets some of the niceties, but always shows his gratitude.

cathyvv

My grands are told, "No thank you, no more gifts." And I have done it. My 19 year old dgd does forget for awhile, but then it suddenly occurs to her that she forgot to say "Thank you" and calls me.

For parents of young ones, a gift that arrives in the mail requires a thank you for two reasons:

1) It's courteous.
2) It lets the sender know that the child got it.

I know most of you know that, but I know a few folks who came from what we now call dysfunctional families who, sadly, were never taught manners.

cathyvv

When my youngest was in a walker - less than 6 months old - I answered the phone with the usual "Hello." greeting.

A second later I heard her say "hwo" - one syllable. I wondered if she was saying hello. The phone rang again a bit later, and the same thing happened. She was saying hello. I started listening and soon realized she also said 'behsu' (bless you) when someone sneezed. No doubt it was stimulus response, but it proved to me that our little ones start learning from our example at a very young age.

I'm sure my older two were similarly talented at that age, but I never noticed.

Cagey

Totally agree - I have grown nieces that never thank us for anything - and their dad is just like them. Now I know where they learned it from.



...With the parent responding for the child
...... then the parent teaching the child to say "tanks" (h-intentionally missing) as they learn to speak
......... then the child mirroring the parents actions
............ then the parent asking the child if they said thank you, and nudging them til they do
............... and so on and so on ..................


For the I don't like its ... isn't that something the parent teaches from the beginning too, with some behind the scenes discussions about gracious appreciations?[/QUOTE]

sewnsewer2

If they can talk, then they can say thank you. Otherwise, when they can write, a note should be written.