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Thread: What would you think...?

  1. #1
    Super Member RkayD's Avatar
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    At first I thought I might just be a little sensitive..but I really don't think so. A friend of mine I went to highschool with just lost a beloved member of her family. I understand she is grieving but did she really find it necessary to post pictures of them in their casket on Facebook? I find it incredibly tacky and just downright creepy! She left the woman absolutely no dignity...the bad thing is that she is rooming with my daughter at the present and I am really starting to think thats not such a good idea...not to mention that she is recently divorced and also posting her.....lack of "entertainment".....I'm crushed in so many ways......I don't ever remember her being like that...what would you do?

  2. #2
    Moderator Jim's Gem's Avatar
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    I don't think the photo's were in any kind of good taste whatsoever!
    I would be mortified to think that pictures of a good friend or family member were posted by another family member. Very poor!!!!!
    If I were in your shoes, I would somehow let you daughter know that you are not quite so thrilled to have her rooming with this friend.

  3. #3
    Power Poster sueisallaboutquilts's Avatar
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    That sounds really weird to me. Her behavior as you describe it sounds a little suspect.
    Only thing I can think of is ask your daughter if she's noticed any changes.
    Not sure why you feel crushed though...... can you explain that one??

  4. #4
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    It is a southern thing..back in the day, i rememebr my neighbor had her child in the casket at her home. She was from the south, but don't recall where. she had pictures of deceased relatives in a album.
    i would not do it myself, but i think taking a picture is a personal thing. maybe she posted is on FB for relatives and friends..who knows.
    it would take a whole lot more than that, for me to worry about my daughter living with one of thier family members..
    JMHO

  5. #5
    Power Poster sueisallaboutquilts's Avatar
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    Not just the South. Years ago my Italian relatives used to take pics of deceased people in their caskets, really creepy!!
    But I doubt they would have posted them if there was the Internet! My Mom said it was just what people did back then for their private albums.

  6. #6
    Power Poster Sadiemae's Avatar
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    I would never dream of doing something like this.

  7. #7
    Super Member RkayD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sueisallaboutquilts
    Not just the South. Years ago my Italian relatives used to take pics of deceased people in their caskets, really creepy!!
    But I doubt they would have posted them if there was the Internet! My Mom said it was just what people did back then for their private albums.
    I can understand that for personal use...but something public like faceBook is just disturbing to me.

  8. #8
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    While I hate this tradition, people used to photograph loved ones (or anyone) in a casket at funerals. Some were published in papers, others keep photo albums of the whole funeral (some even video the whole thing, YUK), and others hang those pictures on their living room walls in 8 x 10.

    I've already told people I'll come back and haunt them for these things if they even try.

  9. #9
    Super Member hobo2000's Avatar
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    I do a lot of post-mortem pictures for Hispanic families. They truly revere their dead. It is hard for me, as a graphic artist, when asked to place a dead baby in the arms of the grandmother who just passed. They were thrilled and had it posted at the wake. It seems strange to is because its not our custom. I have it in my will, no one is to see me after I pass, I want them to remember me as I am not in a casket. I wouldn't worry about your daughter. This woman is keeping up with the times and thats what they do today.

  10. #10
    Super Member RkayD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by watterstide
    It is a southern thing..back in the day, i rememebr my neighbor had her child in the casket at her home. She was from the south, but don't recall where. she had pictures of deceased relatives in a album.
    i would not do it myself, but i think taking a picture is a personal thing. maybe she posted is on FB for relatives and friends..who knows.
    it would take a whole lot more than that, for me to worry about my daughter living with one of thier family members..
    JMHO
    From what I understand some of her family was none to happy about it...I just worry about the internet ...it seems to take away common sense sometimes..

  11. #11
    Super Member RkayD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lab fairy
    While I hate this tradition, people used to photograph loved ones (or anyone) in a casket at funerals. Some were published in papers, others keep photo albums of the whole funeral (some even video the whole thing, YUK), and others hang those pictures on their living room walls in 8 x 10.

    I've already told people I'll come back and haunt them for these things if they even try.
    I'm with YA! Hang a picture of me smiling a mile wide with a needle and quilt in my hands! I think I'll make that known right NOW!

  12. #12
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    Taking pictures of deceased family is NOT a Southern thing.
    Believe me, I have nor plan to take pictures of anyone deceased.

  13. #13
    Super Member seamstome's Avatar
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    They used to do this kind of thing back in the day. Like pics of Bonnie and Clyde.

    My grandma had pics of all of her dead children in the caskets on her livingroom wall. Freaked me out but it was a tradition and yes she was from the South. Now she would be about 130 now but they definitely did it.

    Guess Facebook is just our new family album.

  14. #14
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    "From what I understand some of her family was none to happy about it...I just worry about the internet ...it seems to take away common sense sometimes.."

    yes, of course it does, people do things now,over the internet that they never would have done..it does get out of hand.

    but like i said..it is an old custom..my grandmothers house had "the room" where the dead were kept..at the home, i can not for the life of me remember what that room was called..but it was in the front of the house..

    i want to be laid out 1 day, and on my side like i sleep..
    funerals are for the living, not the dead... just my opinion and thoughts on the subject..

  15. #15
    Power Poster sueisallaboutquilts's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RkayD
    Quote Originally Posted by sueisallaboutquilts
    Not just the South. Years ago my Italian relatives used to take pics of deceased people in their caskets, really creepy!!
    But I doubt they would have posted them if there was the Internet! My Mom said it was just what people did back then for their private albums.
    I can understand that for personal use...but something public like faceBook is just disturbing to me.
    My Mom couldn't understand it at all! lol
    Her Mom's family did that. I agree with Labfairy- don't even try hahaha

  16. #16
    Super Member ptquilts's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by watterstide
    "From what I understand some of her family was none to happy about it...I just worry about the internet ...it seems to take away common sense sometimes.."

    yes, of course it does, people do things now,over the internet that they never would have done..it does get out of hand.

    but like i said..it is an old custom..my grandmothers house had "the room" where the dead were kept..at the home, i can not for the life of me remember what that room was called..but it was in the front of the house..

    i want to be laid out 1 day, and on my side like i sleep..
    funerals are for the living, not the dead... just my opinion and thoughts on the subject..
    The room was known as the parlor. It was used only on formal occasions and for wakes/funerals. That we now use it and call it the "living room" is due to a campaign by the Ladies Home Journal starting in 1900.

  17. #17
    Super Member amandasgramma's Avatar
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    It used to be done (photos of people in their caskets) to PROVE the person was dead (think Billie the Kid). But for that woman to do that in this day and age is just plain weird.

  18. #18
    Super Member raedar63's Avatar
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    Face book may be a little much but it is the new generation, Face book makes me crazy but I wont go into a rant. As far as pics of the deceased it is a cultural thing. while my family does not take pics I could tell you behavior that would curl your hair. When I was first married 29 years ago I thought people aroud here did not love the deceaced because they were so sober and in control . I learned with time that all areas are diffrent in how the handle grief.

  19. #19
    Super Member suebee's Avatar
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    Wow.. I know they use to do that in the 1800's to early 1900's, but today?? and post it on facebook???my gosh, I totally agree with you, EXTREMELY tacky. Im sorry your heart is heavy with this, but if she brings it up, I would most certainly tell her how this made you feel, not to mention all the other people she shocked by this disgusting behaviour. You may also want to give your daughter a heads up. BTW...I HATE FACEBOOK. Its really ridiculous in my book. Hugs for you!!

  20. #20
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    I agree with the fact that many cultures and time periods have their own ways of handling deceased relatives. My husband's family really likes to photograph and video things like this. I just leave family reunions when they break out the home movies of funerals and start narrating. It gets really weird when you get copies of those things (ours are in a box in the bottom of an old antique chest).

    I guess if you can hang a picture on your wall you can put it on your facebook page. We all KNOW how private those are (since you are supposed to be friended, etc. :roll: :roll: :roll: NOT).

  21. #21
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    I told my kids that I want to be cremated, and to throw my ashes at any neighbor I'm p**ed off at the time I kick the bucket.

    Otherwise, no funeral, maybe a wake with lots of good food and friends who remember me.

    I did have a picture of my late sister that someone took and gave to me, thinking I would be thrilled to remember her that way. Not so!!! I gave the picture a decent burial in my flower garden where my late sister had like the flowers.

  22. #22
    QuiltingHiker's Avatar
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    Welcome to the world of Social Networking. (Casketsm that is a bit over the top.)

  23. #23
    Super Member mollymct's Avatar
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    That's really weird. I tend to disagree that it's a southern custom. If so, not in my particular region! I would be so upset if someone took, much less posted anywhere, posted a postmortem photo of one of my family members.

  24. #24
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    It sounds like she is suffering in a lot of ways that we can't understand. How sad for her.

  25. #25
    Power Poster sueisallaboutquilts's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lab fairy
    I agree with the fact that many cultures and time periods have their own ways of handling deceased relatives. My husband's family really likes to photograph and video things like this. I just leave family reunions when they break out the home movies of funerals and start narrating. It gets really weird when you get copies of those things (ours are in a box in the bottom of an old antique chest).

    I guess if you can hang a picture on your wall you can put it on your facebook page. We all KNOW how private those are (since you are supposed to be friended, etc. :roll: :roll: :roll: NOT).
    Labfairy, you are joking,right???
    OMG that's really STRANGE!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

    But listen everyone, I respect the fact that people do what they do. It's just really hard to imagine being at a reunion and having those kinds of movies!!!!!!!! AAHHHHHH

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