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Thread: Ever lose interest in a project due to criticism??

  1. #1
    camillacamilla's Avatar
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    I was working on a Mariner's star quilt, with the background being black/gray fabric to imitate the nighttime sky. My Dh was not meaning to be negative, and he thought the workmanship was lovely..BUT he had never seen a quilt with so much black, and said it looked evil. lol. Okay the evil part is funny. Him saying he didn't like the colors has kind of made me lose interest. I know it only matters what I think, but I just can't get my interest back in it. Do I just shelve it and go onto something else, or force myself to complete it?

  2. #2
    BlueChicken's Avatar
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    I have no words of wisdom to give you.... someone else will no doubt. But I know EXACTLY how you feel.

    I was making some blocks about a year ago and someone I know made rather disparaging comments about the colours I'd chosen. I was so gutted I put it aside and I still haven't gone back to it. I actually found them the other day and quickly pushed them back out of sight so I didn't have to remember.

    I'm lucky with hubby though... he's colour blind, so any time he says he doesn't like the colours I've chosen I can brush it aside, what would he know! LOL

    Maybe you should post pictures on here of what you've done so far. It may be that the colours are going to look great and people will say, or it may be that someone will suggest adding a little of something else and that will be the key to get you enthusiastic again.

  3. #3
    Super Member Shemjo's Avatar
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    It is sad when an off hand remark makes us doubt our color sense! Show us what you have and see who your friends are! :lol:

  4. #4
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    New or not, I'm stepping right into the middle of this one.

    PLEASE - DON'T let someone ELSE take your joy that easily! Mercy! The project is YOURS. If someone else believes my quilts are not worth my finishing, I would ask them to bring their perfect quilt so I could see how it was made and learn from it. Until then, I quilt for ME.

    Besides, I happen to like black and would most likely find your quilt interesting! Pics? Could the both of you show pics?

    TeeHeeHee. I'm such a rule breaker, I'd finish it and have a blast doing so.

    My husband chose the colors he wanted for his quilt and asked me to make it. Said make it any way I wanted to. You should see it. When I started, I KNEW he was crazy. Now I just LOVE it and I had a BLAST making it! Colors I would never have chosen for myself! Reds, oranges, batiks, gorgeous. Named it "Hell Fire". Everyone that sees it loves it.

    Please - YOU be the keeper of your emotions, eh? Make the quilt! I wanna see!

  5. #5
    Super Member Quiltgranny's Avatar
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    I'm sorry to hear about this. I think I know exactly what you're talking about. I'm making a quilt for my DH, but he didn't care for the design on half of the blocks, so made his own - templates and all. Needless to say, that complicated my life immensely in a heartbeat. One, I'd never worked with templates and applique, and two, DH could only see this whole affair as "simple" as he did not have a clue to the construction issues I was now facing.

    Well, here we are, three and a half years later. I've struggled with that project off and on during that time, ripping and restarting, trying to accomplish what he wanted and not knowing how to do it. It didn't help that he kept telling me how "simple" this should be. Well, at my lowest point, just before Christmas 08, I got SO frustrated I finally said, "Fine, if you think this is so simple, YOU DO IT."

    He took my invitation, but I had to stop him within the first 5 minutes or he might have ruined my sewing machine. I'll spare you the details. Needless to say, this silly problem has caused a rift between us after 24 years of marriage. Obviously, I would feel bad working on other projects during these three years, but I was just having such a hard time.

    Finally, this New Years, I just resolved to finish it the best way I could. I now have the top done, and I'll be darned if we're not having a discussion on how the backing should be put together! He wants me to enter this quilt in our little local show in Sept, but I don't know. Trouble is, when others see it, they tell me how awesome it is and that I should enter it. Too bad something that was initially a gift of love has turned into such a burr in our saddles.

    Is your project for your DH or someone else? If it's for someone else, I'd just go ahead and do whatever you feel comfortable with. If it were for him, that might be a different story, lol. Criticism can be a difficult thing to deal with for a variety of reasons. Constructive criticism can even help us learn, depending on who is giving it and how. My DH is an artist, so for example, he does see color differently than I do, but this isn't his art, it's mine. I often take his comments under advisement, but sometimes our color schemes have little to do with Art Class and more to do with our inner creativity. Don't let your DH stifle that in you!

    Good luck to you. If you don't mind, I'd like to show you a pic of what my DH and I have been haggling over all this time.

    Karla


    "Happy Trails" quilt for DH. My layout, no specific pattern.
    Name:  Attachment-34681.jpe
Views: 51
Size:  71.5 KB

    DH's own pattern, 6 different pieces, including a 3D boot strap.
    Name:  Attachment-34897.jpe
Views: 49
Size:  41.3 KB

  6. #6
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    Now THAT would be a fine name for that quilt..."A Burr in my Saddle". Yes, you should enter it. You've done a wonderful job.

    Why not use the entire event as a reason to laugh your butt off. And IF my husband ever uses my machine and messes it up, that's great too. I'm sure I could find SOMETHING to do until my new one got here! He quilts my quilts. He purchased the quilter and the frame, he picked out and purchased my Janome 6500. (I know him well enough to know he'd rather buy another machine than a coffin.)

    Men! Learn to laugh at em, and with em, they're really quite funny you know! :mrgreen:

  7. #7
    Super Member omak's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by camillacamilla
    I was working on a Mariner's star quilt, with the background being black/gray fabric to imitate the nighttime sky. My Dh was not meaning to be negative, and he thought the workmanship was lovely..BUT he had never seen a quilt with so much black, and said it looked evil. lol. Okay the evil part is funny. Him saying he didn't like the colors has kind of made me lose interest. I know it only matters what I think, but I just can't get my interest back in it. Do I just shelve it and go onto something else, or force myself to complete it?
    No, you don't shelve it. I, like the others would like to see a picture, but I have had a lot of experience of people not understanding the big picture. Sometimes, color ways are like sausage ... the process isn't appealing, but the finished project? Yum! Anyway, when someone runs in to color ways that they don't understand, they say so. But, when the whole project gets done, they have to change their mind. I made a spool quilt one time and was describing the colors to my mom. Red, yellow, green, blue, and black background. The thought was bothersome to her, but when she finally saw the finished project, she was amazed!
    When I made a Victory quilt for a lady, she instructed that she wanted black background. Can you imagine red, white, and blue Victory blocks with a black background??? It was GORGEOUS! But, I wasn't so sure when I took the order.

    The lady with the western quilt - - beautiful! But, then, I am a cowboy girl, so you can do all that you want, none of it would be bad.
    I'm not sure what the hangup is, but the one thing I do know - - the man you married is worth more than any quilty differences. A human is always more important than any material object. I am interested in the fact that he took so much interest in the quilt that he even made templates! If he isn't quilting all ready, I know what my plan for his life would be . Is this a talent/interest you didn't know he had? If you have been partners in life for 24 years, then obviously you are learning to work together in a way not imagined before ... growing together can be a challenge, most definitely a refining exercise. If the hardest thing you ever have to do in your marriage is make a quilt the way he wants it, I would think you are getting a good bargain. When my mind goes into rebellion, and the thing I am looking at isn't illegal, illogical, immoral, or unethical, I absolutely know that Someone has something for me to learn, and I will appreciate the learning. {{{Hugs}}}} for both of you. First for you and then from your husbands - - men who pay attention to what you are doing it is a compliment. (at least from what I have noticed in your typing )

  8. #8
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    most mariners are put on a dark background to make the colors pop. typically people use blue but i've seen dozens in black and dark grey.

    i wouldn't take it to heart. my DH often helps me with colors choices but sometimes i just have to over rule his idea for artistic reasons.

    while we are both artists - his craft is music and mine is fiber - every thing the other says about the project is taken with a grain of salt because its just not their field of expertise.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by camillacamilla
    I was working on a Mariner's star quilt, with the background being black/gray fabric to imitate the nighttime sky. My Dh was not meaning to be negative, and he thought the workmanship was lovely..BUT he had never seen a quilt with so much black, and said it looked evil. lol. Okay the evil part is funny. Him saying he didn't like the colors has kind of made me lose interest. I know it only matters what I think, but I just can't get my interest back in it. Do I just shelve it and go onto something else, or force myself to complete it?
    First I have to say I don't want to 'rain' on dh's parade of color ...but, 'black' makes your stars pop! If you want a subject to really pop and show off, put black behind it...:)Maybe he has a phobia over sharp objects...tee-hee....ignore it...move forward! I took a quilt in that I appliqued using invisible thread and a blind hem stitch...(my favorite stitch to applique with)and was told that it looked like 'cra*' and 'why did you do it that way?!' ............I could have come home and hid in the closet...but, I have to laugh for this gal, which is her thing, is still stuck in the 70's and likes to stitch the pooh out of everything....like satin stitches only....not my thing. Just ignore it...and, tell the poor man, 'ignorance is bliss'...(on his part):)SKeat

  10. #10
    Super Member kwhite's Avatar
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    Quiltgranny that is a wonderful quilt. I love it. And to all three of you having these troubles, I say finish the quilts and give them to people who will appreciate them for every stitch in them. See then if your former would be recipients are so quick to criticize again.

  11. #11
    Super Member Quiltgranny's Avatar
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    "A Burr in my Saddle" - I love it!! It rates right up there with what I've typed many times, "Happy TRIALS". A Freudian slip, perhaps? :wink: Thanks so much for your vote of confidence. Yes, I'll enter it. I just need to finish it so we can move on.

    Karla

  12. #12
    camillacamilla's Avatar
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    Well, he made me feel bad about it, so I reworked the backgrounds incorporating dark blues into the black and gray. Now it is completely NOT what I envisioned it to be. I honestly don't think I have the heart to post a pic of it. It isn't even fully pieced. I just worked SO hard on the Mariner's compass, and on additional stars(which were shades of red/orange/yellow), I just hate it now.

  13. #13
    Super Member MollieSue's Avatar
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    Camilla, I think I know how you're feeling. The wanting of others to ohhh and ahhh over what we've made. I've told my DH & kids upfront if they don't like one of my quilts, they better fake it or I'll be crushed! lol!!!!! :wink:
    Just remember his opinion is only his opinion, it is your quilt! :thumbup:
    And post us a picture of it!!! Odds are I'll be very green with envy over your choices!!! :D

  14. #14
    Super Member MollieSue's Avatar
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    Just seen your last post. Sounds as if all the joy is gone, in making it now.
    I'm sorry this happened.
    I'd vote for doing it as you orginally planned! I'm guessing once your DH seen it completed, he'd agree with your choices! :-)

  15. #15
    Super Member Maride's Avatar
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    Take your time and change it back to what you initially planned. I usually don't care about what others think about my designs and color selections, but when DH is the one to comment, I get personally offended. If he doesn't like it, I have even more desire to finish it and show him how good it turned out. And it always does, because when you have the vision of the finish product, you make it work. I am sure it will be great.

    Maria

  16. #16
    Super Member Quiltgranny's Avatar
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    Hi Omak,

    I really appreciate your reply to both of us. Something I should've said in my original post that would've clarified some thing is, no, this isn't the worst thing we've had to deal with in our 24+ years, obviously. In fact, we are both permanently disabled with a variety of things. Mine involve cognitive problems a lot, to the point that I forget which faucet is hot and which is cold. MS, and some of the other auto immune diseases I have make many things I do on a daily basis difficult sometimes, but not all the time. Understand conceptual ideas is one of my toughest ones. For me, trying to figure out how to put all the pieces together of the boot was as difficult as
    rocket science in my brain, unfortunately.

    Dear hubby and I are together 24 x 7, and have been for the last several years, so yes, we are learning how to do some things together that we never did before. I knew he had this talent for art, but his own expectations are so high for himself, that he hasn't painted for eons. I think that's sad, as he is a very talented artist. We are on this earth for a relatively short time, and believe me, we usually do make the best of our time. I probably should not have posted this today as I am having a difficult time. Please do not think ill of me for typing some things that may sound so superficial to others not in our situation. Again, thanks for your comments and encouragement.

    Karla

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    I'm with everyone else, I say, go ahead and make it like YOU want to make it, like some have said, everyone has their own opinion and it may not match with yours. I'm sorry that you've totally lost interest in the project, maybe if you set it aside for a little while, you'll want to come back and finish it. I hope so, because everyone on board would love to see it-like you planned it.

  18. #18
    Senior Member Dorothy of Kansas's Avatar
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    I always told my DH that if he didn't like what I made, to keep it to himself!! lol And he did. The old saying, If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all, definitely pertained to my quilting projects! Make what you like, otherwise, you won't finish it. Work with "colors" you like and you WILL finish it. Still want to see a picture..I love working with black fabric, especially with bright colors. I believe in you.

  19. #19
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    I was arranging blocks on my wall when my oldest DD said it was ugly fabric. She didn't like one of the florals. Said it looked too old. She went on and on about how I messed it up using that one fabric. I just let her have her say even if it did make me doubt my choice. I finished the quilt top a few months later. This same self appointed quilt designer expert saw it and immediately claimed it as her own. :roll: I told her that was the same quilt she was telling me how bad it looked. She said well it looks great now. Said must have been the light or something. :? :?

  20. #20
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    I think you need to hold to your first choice. I made a quilt and posted it on here and it got lots of compliments, plus everyone who sees it loves it- or at least that's what they tell me. But while I was making it one of my friends kept telling me it wasn't going to look right- I had too many different colors, etc. Then, when it was finished, she loved it. So other people aren't seeing what you are seeing in your head. Only you can see that.

    That said, if it isn't fun anymore, just put it away and start a new project. Quilting isn't supposed to be work or unpleasant- it's supposed to be fun and bring joy. (That's my opinion anyway.)

    Oh! And I love black in a quilt! LOVE IT!!

  21. #21
    Super Member omak's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Quiltgranny
    Hi Omak,

    I really appreciate your reply to both of us. Something I should've said in my original post that would've clarified some thing is, no, this isn't the worst thing we've had to deal with in our 24+ years, obviously. In fact, we are both permanently disabled with a variety of things. Mine involve cognitive problems a lot, to the point that I forget which faucet is hot and which is cold. MS, and some of the other auto immune diseases I have make many things I do on a daily basis difficult sometimes, but not all the time. Understand conceptual ideas is one of my toughest ones. For me, trying to figure out how to put all the pieces together of the boot was as difficult as
    rocket science in my brain, unfortunately.

    Dear hubby and I are together 24 x 7, and have been for the last several years, so yes, we are learning how to do some things together that we never did before. I knew he had this talent for art, but his own expectations are so high for himself, that he hasn't painted for eons. I think that's sad, as he is a very talented artist. We are on this earth for a relatively short time, and believe me, we usually do make the best of our time. I probably should not have posted this today as I am having a difficult time. Please do not think ill of me for typing some things that may sound so superficial to others not in our situation. Again, thanks for your comments and encouragement.

    Karla
    Absolutely no ill thoughts at all! I know what it feels like to try to do something right that is in someone else's mind - - rhetorical living, to say the least!
    I remember Jean Wells, from Sisters Oregon quilt show fame telling the story about the guy who does the graphics for the show. He has seen some posters she was carrying, early on in the process, and being an artist, and being new in town, he told her he could make a better poster. And, he did! Of course not being a quilter ... you can only imagine what happened when someone saw the poster and wanted the pattern for that WONDERFUL quilt - - which was a figment of someone's mind. Miss Jean decided that he needed to know a bit more about making a quilt.
    So, she let him pick out one of the quilts he had designed and then they set out to help HIM make it.
    If I remember the whole story correctly, he is now quilting, writes really neat songs about quilts, and doing great graphics as always ...
    but, I see how frustrated you might become.
    I am sorry if I chided too much. And, I thank you for explaining the things that, added to a difficult quilt, make the job even more challenging.

  22. #22
    Moderator littlehud's Avatar
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    So sad, but a chance criticism can crush our spirit. If you don't want to finish it don't, but remember we quilt for the joy it gives us. We can't please everyone, just try to enjoy yourself.

  23. #23
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    don't let people crush your artistic expressions. finish this quilt exactly how you wanted it to be.

    i make art quilts and most people don't like art quilts they like the traditional homey stuff but that doesn't stop me from doing my art and exploring my talents and abilities.

    art is a very personal thing and what you make will not be liked by everyone because we all have different tastes.

    this should never stop you from working - go back to the original design you had in mind and forget what any one else has to say about your work.

  24. #24
    Super Member JoanneS's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 2K
    New or not, I'm stepping right into the middle of this one.

    PLEASE - DON'T let someone ELSE take your joy that easily! Mercy! The project is YOURS. If someone else believes my quilts are not worth my finishing, I would ask them to bring their perfect quilt so I could see how it was made and learn from it. Until then, I quilt for ME.

    Besides, I happen to like black and would most likely find your quilt interesting! Pics? Could the both of you show pics?

    TeeHeeHee. I'm such a rule breaker, I'd finish it and have a blast doing so.

    My husband chose the colors he wanted for his quilt and asked me to make it. Said make it any way I wanted to. You should see it. When I started, I KNEW he was crazy. Now I just LOVE it and I had a BLAST making it! Colors I would never have chosen for myself! Reds, oranges, batiks, gorgeous. Named it "Hell Fire". Everyone that sees it loves it.

    Please - YOU be the keeper of your emotions, eh? Make the quilt! I wanna see!
    Agree with everything you say - AND WELCOME! Also, WE LOVE PICTURES - so please post 'Hell Fire' now that you have us intrigued!

  25. #25
    Power Poster Mousie's Avatar
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    oh yes, been there, done that! don't know why, but it is a major reason, I don't want family seeing my stuff, while i am working on it.
    Quilting is fun, but we are serious about our creations. They are an expression of our inner selves. It hurts to have someone, "critique", it, especially without being asked.
    I have to be in a good mode, to be my most creative, so I don't sew when I'm not in a good mood. They just don't go together. Hubby's forget how much their comments affect us. He would take it back, if he knew how it made you feel, but that's like trying to put the feathers back on the turkey...toooo late.
    I think posting a pic is a good idea. I think that would help.:D

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