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Thread: Husbands...boyfrineds and such regarding quilting

  1. #1
    Super Member clsurz's Avatar
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    Why do some of us feel we have to account to these men why we have this hobby/craft...whatever we want to call it?

    WE DON'T!

    If we can't be equals why be attached to a man?

    Now getting to our fabrics, machines, sewing, quilting and for that matter any other art form we wish to be a part of.... IMHO they (men) have there toys, and man caves so to speak therefore we should have our girl/women caves and I as much told a man that last week while I was sewing at a friends house. He had the nerve to come into her sewing room and plop (is this even a word) his behind on the cough and start fussing about our sewing, her sewing room and such and she kept quiet all the while. He irriated me so that I spoke up and asked him what kind of toys he had and he stated what he had and I told him for every one thing he wants her to get rid off he should get rid of one of his toys. That shut him up pretty quick. Short of it is he did not tell me to leave and we ended up in a conversation about his being a Christian and asking him "What would Jesus do or say?" and he admitted he did not know. I heard the next couple days that he seems to have changed his attitude about life in general and his wife's stuff. He also told his wife he likes me.

    Quite a few years ago hubby pulled that stunt on me coming into my girly cave and telling me to get rid of this and that..... and that I had to much stuff. I made a list of all I had and a list of all what he had (shotguns, rifles, pistols, tons of fishing rods, fishing boat, etc) and I told him that for every item he wanted me to get rid of he had to get rid of one of his toys. That shut him up pretty quick.

    Today I am fascinated with sewing machines, needle felting machine, die cutters, fabrics, threads and more and he dare not say anything to me about any of it.

    Guess point I'm trying to make is this is no longer the 19th or 20th century where we are expected to be a slave to some man and let him dominate us, it is the 21st century and we work and put forth financially most of us into this relationship therefore they no longer have the privelage of saying "it's my money and I earned it and you get what I want you to have if any and no more".

    Hubby also learned some 20 years or so ago really quick by having a bad attitude the feel of my cast iron skillet across his head. That's another story for another time.

    So many of us have allowed men to verbally and mentally abuse us let alone physically do so that enough is enough. Mine use to verbally abuse me for years until the day I used that cast iron skillet on across his head.

    Today hubby just smiles every time I buy something to do with sewing and or quilting and I don't ask him permission to do so I just buy it if I want it. He even volunteers to put it where I need it without my asking him to do so.

    IMHO we women have worked all our lives no matter if in a domestic home career or out of the home and we have done so to help our families be better off financially and no man has any right to tell us what we can or cannot buy unless of course we were buying and using money that were needed to pay bills and such. Than they'd have a right to do so.

    Speaking of which regarding quilting I just recently bought the Accuquilt Studio and some studio dies and just ordered a bunch more and got it all at between 40 to 50% off retail. Only way I would buy such. I let him know I had and when it arrived he helped me put it in my Girlie Cave. :-)

    The Studio runs alot smoother than the Go machine or the Sizzix Wesminister Big Shot Pro machine. The dies also are made different with being made out of several layers of wood and padding unlike the other dies made out of plastic and foam.

  2. #2
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    :-P

  3. #3
    sally's girl's Avatar
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    You go girl!!!

  4. #4
    Super Member Kitsie's Avatar
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    WooHoo! You go girl!!

  5. #5
    Super Member Candace's Avatar
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    I have to admit I cringe every time I read "my husband LET me buy or do whatever"..... Anyone who LETS me do anything is in charge of me. And NO ONE is in charge of me, but me! It should be a partnership, not one person in control of another.

  6. #6
    Super Member New Quilter's Avatar
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    {{{{{ standing ovation to you}}}}} Naomi :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:

  7. #7
    Super Member Rose L's Avatar
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    I have been fortunate in life. Both my ex-DH and my new-DH have been very supportive of my sewing hobby and gardening hobby for that matter. Neither of them have ever been verbally or physically abusive and the only thing that dictates my spending is our finances at the time I wish to buy. But you are right, life is too short! If I ever found myself in a situation such as you described, I'd be gone with the wind. No doubt in my mind.

  8. #8
    Power Poster cjomomma's Avatar
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    It is a partnership but DH and I try to check with each other just incase the money is needed for the household. We don't have much so we try to spend wisely.

  9. #9
    Super Member orangeroom's Avatar
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    Holy crap clsurz! You are an interesting woman, aren't you?!!! I suppose once in the head is all a man needs to understand exactly where he stands with you and your cast iron skillet!

    Women, even in today's world, are abused. I've seen it where I work. It's sad. If more women were given cast iron skillets when they started a relationship or were married, and used them (in a multitude of ways), there'd be a clearer view of where people stand.

  10. #10
    Super Member clsurz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Candace
    I have to admit I cringe every time I read "my husband LET me buy or do whatever"..... Anyone who LETS me do anything is in charge of me. And NO ONE is in charge of me, but me! It should be a partnership, not one person in control of another.
    AMEN and AMEN!

  11. #11
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    I have never had a problem with my husband. He has his boat and I have any crafty stuff I want. I must be very lucky!

  12. #12
    Super Member luvTooQuilt's Avatar
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    Hahaha!! Glad you showed him the light! ( or circleing birds after the skillet)... I too don't ask Hubby if I can get this or that.. If around the holidays or my birthday I'll mention what I would love to be surprised with.. But if something tickles my fancy I get it.. But then again I'm not an impulse Buyer with huge thousands and thousands of dollar purchases..

    He's my biggest enabler - chances are he got it for me before I got it for me anyway!!

  13. #13
    Super Member Melinda in Tulsa's Avatar
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    I personally think I have the best hubby in the world. He has always encouraged me in whatever endeavor I take on. Since I handle the finances in the family now, he knows that I will only buy something if we have the extra money. I have several different sewing machines and he totally understands the concept of different machines for different jobs.

    As far as his hobbies, anymore since he is disabled, he has very few, so therefore they are something that we have to do together. ie; I do the work, he gets to watch and enjoy! (We race homing pigeons).

    Sometimes it get really old having to do everything and make all decisions, but when he was healthy he took such good care of me, so I guess it's now my turn to take care of him. But he's still the GREATEST!

    LOL, on the occasions we have to buy large item purchases, the sales person will turn to him for decisions...he just says, talk to her, she knows what she wants.

    All husbands should be trained so well! LOL :lol: :lol: :thumbup:

  14. #14
    Super Member quiltgrammyt2's Avatar
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    I have always been a homemaker, therefore we live on one income ( not easy, but we make do), he never says anything negative about mt quilting, but I also know not to overspend and he is the same about his hobbies. I am very thankful for my DH and his attitude. :D :D

  15. #15
    Senior Member DebbyT's Avatar
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    I lived 40 years with my husband and only the past 10, did I realize I had to stop keeping score and announce it. I worked a full time job, earning as much or more than him and until I pointed out the unequal balance of 'toys', did he back off and even change his attitude from selfish to generous. His family was definatly old world. It evolved as many has, but some factors were resisted, such as a woman's position. Now if he sees something while shopping or at a garage sale, he will call and ask if I am interested. Quite the transformation

  16. #16
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    Kudos to you!

    And if your friend never says so, you did an amazing thing standing up for her, especially if it really made an impact on her husband. Bless you for that!

  17. #17
    Super Member Annie68's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by clsurz
    Why do some of us feel we have to account to these men why we have this hobby/craft...whatever we want to call it?

    WE DON'T!

    If we can't be equals why be attached to a man?

    Now getting to our fabrics, machines, sewing, quilting and for that matter any other art form we wish to be a part of.... IMHO they (men) have there toys, and man caves so to speak therefore we should have our girl/women caves and I as much told a man that last week while I was sewing at a friends house. He had the nerve to come into her sewing room and plop (is this even a word) his behind on the cough and start fussing about our sewing, her sewing room and such and she kept quiet all the while. He irriated me so that I spoke up and asked him what kind of toys he had and he stated what he had and I told him for every one thing he wants her to get rid off he should get rid of one of his toys. That shut him up pretty quick. Short of it is he did not tell me to leave and we ended up in a conversation about his being a Christian and asking him "What would Jesus do or say?" and he admitted he did not know. I heard the next couple days that he seems to have changed his attitude about life in general and his wife's stuff. He also told his wife he likes me.

    Quite a few years ago hubby pulled that stunt on me coming into my girly cave and telling me to get rid of this and that..... and that I had to much stuff. I made a list of all I had and a list of all what he had (shotguns, rifles, pistols, tons of fishing rods, fishing boat, etc) and I told him that for every item he wanted me to get rid of he had to get rid of one of his toys. That shut him up pretty quick.

    Today I am fascinated with sewing machines, needle felting machine, die cutters, fabrics, threads and more and he dare not say anything to me about any of it.

    Guess point I'm trying to make is this is no longer the 19th or 20th century where we are expected to be a slave to some man and let him dominate us, it is the 21st century and we work and put forth financially most of us into this relationship therefore they no longer have the privelage of saying "it's my money and I earned it and you get what I want you to have if any and no more".

    Hubby also learned some 20 years or so ago really quick by having a bad attitude the feel of my cast iron skillet across his head. That's another story for another time.

    So many of us have allowed men to verbally and mentally abuse us let alone physically do so that enough is enough. Mine use to verbally abuse me for years until the day I used that cast iron skillet on across his head.

    Today hubby just smiles every time I buy something to do with sewing and or quilting and I don't ask him permission to do so I just buy it if I want it. He even volunteers to put it where I need it without my asking him to do so.

    IMHO we women have worked all our lives no matter if in a domestic home career or out of the home and we have done so to help our families be better off financially and no man has any right to tell us what we can or cannot buy unless of course we were buying and using money that were needed to pay bills and such. Than they'd have a right to do so.

    Speaking of which regarding quilting I just recently bought the Accuquilt Studio and some studio dies and just ordered a bunch more and got it all at between 40 to 50% off retail. Only way I would buy such. I let him know I had and when it arrived he helped me put it in my Girlie Cave. :-)

    The Studio runs alot smoother than the Go machine or the Sizzix Wesminister Big Shot Pro machine. The dies also are made different with being made out of several layers of wood and padding unlike the other dies made out of plastic and foam.
    :)
    :thumbup:

  18. #18
    Super Member Deb watkins's Avatar
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    When mine comments about the amount of fabic, I remind him of the number of golf clubs he has.

  19. #19
    Power Poster BellaBoo's Avatar
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    DH and I are very independent. Neither of us could tolerate a shadow or expect it. I don't ask permission to buy or do anything, within reason of course. It's my life, one that I share with him, not live for him, and he feels the same way. I raised my kids to never put themselves last just to please someone and if anyone expects them to, then get that person out of their lives.

  20. #20
    Super Member clsurz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Melinda in Tulsa
    Since I handle the finances in the family now, he knows that I will only buy something if we have the extra money.

    LOL, on the occasions we have to buy large item purchases, the sales person will turn to him for decisions...he just says, talk to her, she knows what she wants.
    I handle all finances as well. We wouldn't have anything today if I didn't. Hubby also knows I won't buy something if we did not have the money. I also would never buy something that I could not afford and not pay what few bills we have such as house payment, light bill, water bill and such.

    It use to irk me to no end regarding sales people when hubby was with me and I'd go in to make a purchase and tell them what I wanted and they look at him and ask him how they could help him and ignore me like I wasn't there.

    I remember the last time someone pulled that on me was in 2006 when hubby and I went to a Toyota place for me to buy me a vehicle. One sales guy approached us and looked at hubby and asked how he could help him and ignored the fact that I just told him the vehicle I wanted. I told him again and he ignored me again so I told him we did not need his help. We walked away from him went inside and I asked for the manager of the place. He came out of his office and I told him I'd like to buy a vehicle and what I wanted and that a salesperson had approached us but totally ignored my request as if I was not standing there and directed himself to my husband and that I was the one wanting to buy and not hubby and could he direct me to someone who would want a sale from a woman.

    He immediately told me he'd take care of me and he did. I bought the vehicle in my name and on my credit and with the cash in my pockets. Unfortunately that sales person who kept ingoring me lost a sales commission that day and I left with a brand new Toyota RAV 4 Limited Edition.

    I have no clue as to what the manager did or not do with that sales person and I didn't care. I had several thousand dollars in my pocket and I wanted to buy a vehicle and in the end that is what I got.

    I truly detest men that still in todays age act like we women don't exist.

  21. #21
    Super Member Annaquilts's Avatar
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    Some of us come out of settings we don't know better and marry people that are from a similar setting. My husband is very supportive but some of that for me needing permission and him feeling he has the right to say something still lingers. It all takes time.

  22. #22
    Super Member ptquilts's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cjomomma
    It is a partnership but DH and I try to check with each other just incase the money is needed for the household. We don't have much so we try to spend wisely.
    this. :thumbup:

  23. #23
    Super Member clsurz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Annaquilts
    Some of us come out of settings we don't know better and marry people that are from a similar setting. My husband is very supportive but some of that for me needing permission and him feeling he has the right to say something still lingers. It all takes time.
    I still today sometimes say I was born in the wrong decade. I'm 65 and hubby is 70 and I can remember even as a young child and as a teenager than as a young adult refusing to conform to that type of mentality. And in the end I won. We have been married going on 36 years and fortunately for him he has messed up only about half a dozen times all these years regarding such manners.

    Now off to quilt I go!

    I'm also educating my granddaughters not to allow any man to control them and I'm teaching my grandson's not to abuse women mentally, verbally or physical and to have respect for one another.

    I want them to be strong in character and do what is right for them and others.
    :-)

  24. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by New Quilter
    {{{{{ standing ovation to you}}}}} Naomi :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:
    WAY TO GO SISTER!!!!!!!!!!can you come visit my dh? and dont forget the iron skillet

  25. #25
    Senior Member Liz aka Helen's Avatar
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    Wow I'm really impressed with all off you, my mother in law was in a bad situation for 18 years, luckily it affected my husband correctly, promised himself that he would not be like that. His problem is he wants all of the goodies and we can't afford them.

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