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Thread: My fabricaholic club induction

  1. #1
    Super Member Lynnejean's Avatar
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    I have always wanted to be in the fabricaholic club but since you have to have a storage shed full of fabric or at least two rooms of your house stuffed full, I simply didn’t qualify. I was just out in the cold…… until I found out about the back door solution. So for those of you who may want to join up, here is my back door experience.
    I received my information on what to do from the cotton vine but you didn’t hear that from me. 
    I entered my local fabric store and searched for the employee that wore a patchwork apron and sported a pin on her shirt with the letters GF. She was muttering to herself something about just needing a few more fat quarters. When I spotted her I slipped up to the cutting table and passed her my fat quarter stuffed with my message expressing my willingness to make the exchange. She looked around and whispered “look for a cargo van in the back alley behind the store, closing time tonight” and quickly walked away. I was nervous but I knew I had to do it.
    I recruited my best quilting friend to help me. She did it in exchange for me helping her later. Her job was to keep a look out for any husbands asking to many questions. She planned to entertain and distract the suspecting husbands with tales of cheap fabric bought on clearance just to throw them off the path of just how much quality quilting fabric really costs.
    It was 9:00pm and the moon was already shinning bright .I turned the corner into the alley behind the fabric store. I could see the van waiting. I was scared. Would everything go alright? Would they accept my offer? I stopped my car next to the van and got out and strolled up to the drivers’ side window. I heard the familiar hum of the window rolling down. The occupant wore a mask similar to a covering wore to a masquerade ball except that it was crafted with the finest stitched on beads and sequins.They flashed at me in the moonlight. The voice said “ Do you know the pass word”? I choked out the words “ Cotton is the fabric of our lives”. The door opened and I knew that I had passed the first test. The masked person said “ show me what you’ve got” . I quickly moved to the rear of my car and opened the trunk. I carefully removed the plastic protection. There was my offering ….. several full bolts of the finest quilting fabric I could find. I heard a big sigh and she began her inspection of every colorful bolt. She felt each fabric with great care and when she picked up one of the bolts and gave it a good sniff. I was certain I heard a giggle escape from her throat and at that moment .I was sure things were going as planned. I was only minutes away from my induction into the club. She proclaimed that she had excepted my offering and said “ help me move it to my van”. We both grabbed arms full of bolts and headed to the back doors of the plain white panel van. You would have never suspected what was inside from the vans outward appearance. The doors opened and I am pretty sure that I heard the cloth angels singing. The full spectrum light in the van came on, and the heady scent of freshly starched fabric filled the air. The van was full to the top with fabric of every color way. I was mesmerized and almost felt faint. I put the bolts in the tiny space left and reached out to touch this awesome mountain of goodness and the masked woman grabbed my hand. “ That’s close enough I don’t know you that well yet” she said.” Maybe later after a few quilting bees we can be that intimate. “ I said that I understood and she closed the doors. I watched closely as she began rummaging through her expertly pieced and quilted purse. Out she drew a pin with the letters GF. She carefully pinned it to my “Quilter make better lovers “t-shirt and said “now you may purchase any fabric and as much as you want of it GUILT FREE” I felt a shaking in my belly that rose suddenly and forcefully up and out my mouth came “ YIPPEE I AM GUILT FREE” . I left that alley burning rubber and went straight home to my favorite online fabric store and began shopping. I shopped until the wee hours of the morning. The package delivery man put me on his hit list the very next week but that’s another story. I only have one regret about that night. I left my dear friend talking fast to some husbands that were getting very pushy there in the parking lot. I don’t know how she got home. All was forgiven though when I presented her with a awesome pile of fabric for her offering and we planned to met masquerade lady behind the fabric store for her next week. I will be the look out this time and I am concocting new ways to divert the husbands. My friend and I are worried as we think they might be catching on.
    Happy Fabric stashing,
    Jeanne :-)
    All right reserved. Only copy by permission .

  2. #2
    mlaceruby's Avatar
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    ROTFLOL!!!!!
    thanks!!!!!

  3. #3
    Super Member magpie's Avatar
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    You need to write a book, you're good. Too funny.

  4. #4
    Senior Member trueimage's Avatar
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    awesome! I was sitting on the edge of my seat!

  5. #5
    MissyK's Avatar
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    Wonderful story! I think I met that woman in a little quilt shop in Virginia LOL!

    Oh...And may the husbands NEVER find out the cost of quality quilting fabric!!

  6. #6
    Super Member Twisted Quilter's Avatar
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    This was absolutely hilarious! Thank you LynneJean. :thumbup:
    Can't wait for next weeks episode.

  7. #7
    Super Member Tink's Mom's Avatar
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    Love it!

  8. #8
    Super Member JanetM's Avatar
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    :lol: :lol: :lol:
    You write really well...very entertaining, thanks :thumbup:

  9. #9
    Moderator Jim's Gem's Avatar
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    :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

  10. #10
    Power Poster dkabasketlady's Avatar
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    That story put a HUGE smile on my face!!! The only problem I have is my DH does know the price of the quality quilting fabric. He goes with me many times and pays for it too!! I hope you have a new story for next week. Maybe the one about the package delivery man putting you on his hit list!!

  11. #11
    Super Member Melinda in Tulsa's Avatar
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    OMG Jeanne, you just TOLD on us!!! What are we going to do now??

  12. #12
    Super Member Lynnejean's Avatar
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    Who knows what kind of quilting adventures Melinda and Jeanne will be having NEXT! :-)

  13. #13
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    I love a mystery.

  14. #14
    Super Member mcdaniel023's Avatar
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    That is tooooo funny. Love it.

  15. #15
    Power Poster CarrieAnne's Avatar
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    That was so funny!

  16. #16
    Super Member NauDeeGal's Avatar
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    Love your story! 8-) drooling over your fabricated van! ;-)

  17. #17
    Super Member Rosyhf's Avatar
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    hahahah that was way too funny.....

  18. #18
    Super Member IBQUILTIN's Avatar
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    That must have been your friend I thought was flirting with my DH. Guess I'll have to let him off the hook, as punishment he couldn't say a word about the fabric I bought. You Go Girlfriend

  19. #19
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    Great story, sure kept my attention. I would like to earn a GF button.

  20. #20
    Super Member Kitsie's Avatar
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    Wonderful and entertaining!

  21. #21
    Super Member quilt3311's Avatar
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    You made my morning. You should put this in a magazine or even write a book. Have you thought about sending it to a magazine and seeing if you can get it published? Just might happen. You have talent (besides quilting--grin) go for it.

  22. #22
    Senior Member mawmawbeve_60's Avatar
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    lol...2 funny..

  23. #23
    Super Member lfw045's Avatar
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    Great story!

  24. #24
    AVQuilter's Avatar
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    Oh my gosh...so very funny. And most of us been on covert quilting trips or else wanted to!!
    Keep the adventures coming...

  25. #25
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    Hilarious!

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