I ditto this, Not your problem, you donated nearly all the material. Why should you buy more,do more for her to have the profit. Just give it back and tell her what murphy said. But don't give in if she starts to whine. :thumbup: BillsBonBon

I agree with everyone. Is she offering you anything for your work cutting, quilting, and fabric? If she is not happy then you can surely find more appreciative friends.

Gee, isn't life full of learning experiences. I have been in a few similar situations when sewing for hire over the past 35 years and have tried many ways of dealing with customers/friends. Been there... been the doormat, been resentful about it. Thank God for maturity and the truth. That is where I would begin, with the truth. Calmly, directly, with only as many words as it takes (no rambling, no whining, no detours, highlights only) tell her your feelings (or read it as others suggested) about how this quilting "adventure" has played out and that you are no longer interested in participating. Sure, it may cause a rift. But if she is really your friend and you have dealt with her in truth and love, she may go home and think it over and come away with a greater respect for you. If she never speaks to you again, at least you have been true to yourself and gained a new skill of communicating directly in an awkward situation.

I agree 100% with Murphy

Sounds to me like this person is a "user". Return the quilt to her and tell her and tell her to find someone else. Apparently she didn't show it to you as she was working on it so you could give her advise on how to do it right. What a mess you got yourself into. And I take it that she didn't offer to pay you for quilting it either! I'd steer clear of getting into that situation again.

#1 she is not a friend a friend would not treat you like this.
#2 you are not in any way obligated to quilt the thing as you never told her you would make her a quilt you told her you would help learn how to quilt.
#3 there is not much you can do about her selling it with the fabric you gave her as she saw it as a gift.
#4 If you let her treat you this way this time she will think its alright to treat you this way another time;
Dealing with people like this is very difficult they are users and are always looking for another poor soul to get to do their bidding. Don't confront her when you are up set write down what you want to say cll her on the phone and tell her"Due to the way the quilt is sewn you are unable to quilt it for her. But even is you could do it you are too busy working on a quilt of your own and do not want to take on anymore projects at this time. (DO NOT ENABLE HER TO USE YOU SHE IS A USER) JMO

I agree with Murphy.

Terrible that she put you in this situation. I agree with everyone else that you should return it to her and offer some suggestions about how to finish and clean it up before she takes it to a LAQ.
Just because we quilt we are often put upon by others to do things that we are not comfortable with. I have a friend that has lost a lot of weight and wants me to alter her clothes for her. I sew as well as quilt, but would rather make something from scratch than alter. She says: All it needs is a seam down the back! I don't think so! lol
Where do people come up with their ideas? I told her that I don't do alterations, but she still mentions it.
How would you handle that?

I'd return it to her because she does sound like the type that would blame any problems on you.

There are users and then there are users.

Unless she had been willing to purchase some fabric for the quilt, she would have gotten nothing from my stash.

I would return it to her with a note that it was not in a quiltable condition at this time.

My experience with quilters is that they are a giving and sharing group, but that does not make us patsies.

She's making money?????
She needs to buy the rest of the stuff
She needs to pay and quilt
She needs to finish and clean up what she started

consider the fabric she used from your stash a lesson to be learned :thumbup:

I agree with the others she should share half of the profit with you, after all she did use your material and you are doing most of the work. If she is a friend she will understand, but it sounds like to me that she is just a user, I'd drop her like a hot potatoe, you have more friends here than she will ever be to you.

I hand quilt and people are always asking me to quilt their tops. I tell them no. This is exactly the reason I don't quilt for the public.

Better yet...call her over to your house and have her read what you posted. And look at all the friends you have backing you up. =D And you won't have to say a thing.... =)

I have a friend, when she did not want to do a sewing project for someone, would set her price so high they would go elsewhere to get it done. That might be the answer to your problem.

I would just send it back. been there done this,with my mom. She now does better with her quilts. I was honest with her boy did I hate to do it but I was not going to put all the work in to a quilt that was so bad. Now when she sends me a quilt I say boy mom that sure is a good quilt. Hope it all works out for you.

Return it and the $100 to her and tell her that she needs to find a more experienced quilter that could possible quilt it in the condition it's in. Then fold on this losing hand and sever your "acquaintence" asap. I, too, used to have a user in my life. It took me a few months to see what a mooch she was, a month of trying to get her to realize it and stop, then a month or so to rid myself of her. Some people just go too far.

Let me edit this. Return the top to her. Ask her how much of the hundred she wants you to keep in return to replace the fabric in your stash. She probably won't want you to keep any of it but that will be a good start on letting her know that you won't be walked on anymore.

Thank you so much everyone for the strength you are all sending me....I have decided to return the quilt to her and tell her that it is not in quiltable condition. As far as the stash goes, I offered that freely and only mentioned it because in my mind I have given far more than I have expected to receive, and it surprises me that people can take and still expect more. I did agree to help quilt it 2 years ago, but as someone has mentioned, I have learned alot in those 2 years, and it cannot be quilted the way it is, by machine or by hand. She had no problem splitting the $400 with me, but; she did say are we going to have anything left to split after I buy the backing, batting, and rental of machine. The cost is coming out of my pocket first however because she is on disability and cannot afford it. I insisted that she got a deposit to cover these costs before I spent the money. It however does not cover the problems that she has left me to deal with, and I am very concerned about the possible issues that I will have quilting it, and the expectations of the person buying it will be. I will be returning it to her this weekend, putting the ball back in her court. I will tell her that I will reassess it after she has fixed the problems that I can see. The person that is buying it may back out if she has to wait too long, but then that will be her problem not mine and I haven't had to spend any more money. I don't think I can be any fairer than that!

Return it until she fixes the mess. And notify her of the charges before quilting it that you charge. After all she used your fabric, your time, your machine and your knowledge than sold it. Your "acquaintance" used you. Lessons learned.

Don't do it! She has to learn sometime and it might as well be now! Just tell it like it is.

I would refer her to another longarmer. She can see the reality of what she is asking.

I would give the quilt back to her, and explain that you have your own projects to do and just can't find the time to fix and quilt her quilt. Suggest she take it to a professional quilter and let them deal with her. You paid for your machines and you would have to spend your valuable time working on her quilt. If she still insists on you finishing it for her - tell her you will do it for $400.00, for the reasons listed above. That should stop her!!

I would give the quilt back to her, and explain that you have your own projects to do and just can't find the time to fix and quilt her quilt. Suggest she take it to a professional quilter and let them deal with her. You paid for your machines and you would have to spend your valuable time working on her quilt. If she still insists on you finishing it for her - tell her you will do it for $400.00, for the reasons listed above. That should stop her!! :wink:

Get it out of your house. Send it back w/name of a longarm quilter you do not know! Keep the "eposit" as it is a small price she's paid for your time patience. Stick to your plan.

You are doing the RIGHT thing by giving this back to her.

One more thing you can tell her:

She is planning to sell this quilt. YOU do not have a business license and therefore cannot quilt for pay.

A professional quilter will have no problem charging her for quilting that quilt. I've seen miracles happen so I won't say the quilt is un-quiltable, it just sometimes depends on how much money you have to throw at a problem.

well, since you asked what someone else would do...I would have refused to take it in the first place. Secondly, when we allow someone to use us we are ENABLING them to use everyone in the same way. That behavior must be stopped and when we no longer ENABLE them to get away with it, they may think twice about doing it again. However, I do realize some folks do not learn quickly or may not see themselves at fault. That is not the point. The point is to HELP them relate to others and if that takes certain unpleasent measures for us, so be it. It really does come down to HELPING her to be more thoughtful and considerate. I have had to do this and for me it worked and the person did realize she was very inconsiderate and said that others probably see her that way too, which was true.

Me thinks you need to get into confrontation, tactfully.

Well said, tjradj - I agree all the way down the line. If you do this job "as is" (or worse, after you fix all the shortcomings) you'll be swallowing untold amounts of negativity as you do it, while trying to maximize her profit to boot.... and she'll be back with more shoddily contructed work and expectations of maximum profit for her minimal input.

I agree with everyone else. Give it back quickly. You never agreed to that size and she didn't finish the quilt. I cannot imagine anyone paying that kind of money for a sloppily done quilt.

I agree. If she wants to learn, she needs to learn how to do it correctly. You might also want to hand her a bill for the fabric you donated seeing as she's getting paid for the quilt.

wow she sure put you on the spot ! i would return it to her and tell her this was not done the correct way and it cant be quilted till it is done the correct way , and that she is the one that sold it so she needs to make it right, and if she doesnt want to do that i would walk away from it if i were you and take the loss you have and write it off as a lesson from your "friend"

I used to let "friends" walk all over me in the same way. I didn't have courage to speak up, not wanting to cause ruffles and offend anyone. Believe me, the first time you do it won't hurt at all. You will feel sooooo much better once you return the quilt, explain what needs to be done on her part to finish it for another quilter, then let her be on her way. Don't back down. If that destroys the friendship, you don't have much of a friend in her.

I agree you have gotten some sound advice on here. I still struggle myself with learning to let someone know if I can't do something saying "no" is hard for me. However It is like my HS. band director said "I take the blame when ya'll do bad and give ya'll the credit when ya'll do good." say if you were to quilt it as it is and the buyer complians saying that is not what was promised then it could bite you in the ....

Methinks that you need to bill her for $400 for the quilting lessons. After all, it took 2 years and it surely was worth a lot more than that. Sounds reasonable.....

June in Cincinnati

MMM i fully understand your predicament you can either be straight with her and tell her you do not want to quilt it as the quilt has too many wrong piecing or you could go ahead and quilt it bearing in mind the amount of work you would have to do but if you do decide to do the second choice i personally think you should get 3 quarters of the payment she gets for the quilt.
I do think this woman is using you for her own needs and real friends do not do this.
If this where me i would feel rotten but i would tell her to take her quilt home with her and sort it out herself after all you have the upper hand here without you to do the quilt she wont get any payment for it from this other person so she will end up looking the biggest fool

Return it to the lady and maybe even consider keeping half of the deposit she gave you for rental of a machine, for your time and material you already have invested in it. I think yout should get the whole $100, but that would probably create more problems. Tell her to take it to a quilter in the area and let him/her tell why the quilt cannot be quilted as is. I do not think she is a friend to take advantage of you and it has been 2 years?

Glad to hear you are going to return it to her.....I wouldn't even go out of my way to give names or phone numbers of LA or LQS. Let her figure it out. She is a user.

Agree with Murphy on this one! She needs it back in her lap to finish properly and then she can take it to the long arm quilter. If she is a friend, it will blow over, an aquaintence well she needs to learn that you did a kindness to her originally. You won't miss her if you didn't have her as a friend. Sounds harsh, but sometimes a simple no works wonders.

If it was me, I would call her up and say: "I've been working on the quilt since you dropped it off. Frankly, it's a mess because the seams don't match, they weren't pressed and the top is very uneven. Also, the threads weren't clipped and it's very time consumming to clip them all. The other day, I spent 3 hours trying to get it ready for quilting and I'm not even halfway there. I don't feel comfortable quilting this size on my home machine in the condition it's in since it is to be sold. I'd like you to pick it and I'll return your deposit."

Whatever her protests, tell her no, that you can't work on it any longer and to pick it up. Or you'll deliver it. Then just walk away--you've learned your lesson.

I second the quote. Give it back to her saying that it is best down by a professional LA. May in Jersey