a sensitive quilt question
11-03-2010, 05:45 AM
#61
Junior Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 108
There will always be a wide range of feelings within a family when a death occurs but when it is as you described the scale of feelings from those left behind will hava a much larger range. First of all you must have loved this family in varing degrees or this would not be a problem for you. But as I and others already know, time does seem to set the world in order from losing someone we love. You could do a quilt for your friend but maybe not so heavy on the memory side as the love you feel for her. That would necessitate your adding something reminding her of the loss of a mom but if you use your creative juices you can give something that would be comforting to her and a few months from now it will bring her comfort to see something that reminds her of her mother as well. Having dealt with this kind of death for over twenty years we all know at first one feels absolute hate towards the lost one and progresses to the good and reasonable side afterwards. Grief takes many forms with each person individually, but eventually this lady will grow to understand her mom taking her own life had nothing to do with her. This lady may feel she didn't love her mother enough or this would not have happened. Her love for her mother was not the problem, the illness her mother had was the problem.Depression is a disease in which the person who is suffering through just does not have the ability to understand or equate the pain she will cause someone else because of their own pain which won't go away. My best wishes to you and your caring for a friend who is suffering now and her pain is probably very deep at this time but love from family and friends will guide her back to the right side of her grief where she can feel good for the good times and put away the times that may not have been so good for her. Go ahead with your quilt because you may need to express your grief for your friend as much as your friend may need to know you care. May God bless all of you.
11-03-2010, 05:45 AM
#62
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 80
Originally Posted by sahm4605
okay ladies, this is a very sensitive subject. My SIL's mom just passed away saturday. Not to get into the details but she took her own life. I am wanting to do something for my SIL and was thinking about making a memory quit for her. But I don't know if it is a good idea. there are many issues with their relationship, but she was her mom. Do you ladies think that it would be a good idea to make a memory quilt for my sil, even though her mom took her own life? (it was do to a life long battle of horrible depression at least that is what I have been told) I am even hesitent to ask because it is a very touchy subject for me as well as for my SIL. Do you ladies think that this is a good idea or should I not go there?
Some rather like to go in their own quiet place to deal with the hurt. Your sister in law may need to know that the struggle means something - not to her alone.
You know your sister in law. Do what your heart tells you to do. It will be right.
11-03-2010, 05:56 AM
#64
Super Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 1,646
I agree with the others, a comfort quilt would be better at this time. Also, if you were close with her, I would offer her a shoulder as well. It's a horrible thing to go through and with family issues does not make it any easier
11-03-2010, 06:05 AM
#66
Super Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,183
I agree with the idea of a comfort quilt. Personally I never want a memory quilt. I have a mentally ill father and don't have a lot of happy memories and even a good memory can dredge up a bad one. I do not live in my past. That is why I don't go to psychiatrists. They just kept me stirred up remembering all the crap I had to endure.
I would suggest that after quite a bit of time has passed I would bring up the idea of a memory quilt with her. Not letting her know it would be for her. Something like "a lot of the quilters on my quilt board are making memory quilts for people that have lost someone dear to them. I have mixed feelings about them. What do you think? " How she answers this would give you a key into how she feels about such a thing.
Hope this helps. And HUGS for you.
I would suggest that after quite a bit of time has passed I would bring up the idea of a memory quilt with her. Not letting her know it would be for her. Something like "a lot of the quilters on my quilt board are making memory quilts for people that have lost someone dear to them. I have mixed feelings about them. What do you think? " How she answers this would give you a key into how she feels about such a thing.
Hope this helps. And HUGS for you.
11-03-2010, 06:07 AM
#67
Junior Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Yakima, WA
Posts: 244
This post has sure brought a lot of thoughtful responses from everyone here. It confirms what I already knew - that there are wonderful people on here who truly care about the others. This subject touched a place in my heart also because I was married to someone who committed suicide 4 years ago. The emotions that go along with that are just indescribable. Your responses to this post were thoughtful, sensitive, and I'm sure very much appreciated.
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