To stay or go...Applique Bee
07-26-2011, 04:56 AM
#41
Junior Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 215
Originally Posted by Glassquilt
You have permission from all of the members above to listen to yourself. Nobody needs to go to a group with people whose outlook is so different from their own.
If you don't feel comfortable speaking about it, write it down, put it in envelopes, seal them and hand everyone a copy as you leave. Very hard to dismiss your insightful comments when written. It will give them something to think about & talk about. It may open their eyes. If it doesn't you're better off without them.
Forming a new group is an excellent idea.
If you don't feel comfortable speaking about it, write it down, put it in envelopes, seal them and hand everyone a copy as you leave. Very hard to dismiss your insightful comments when written. It will give them something to think about & talk about. It may open their eyes. If it doesn't you're better off without them.
Forming a new group is an excellent idea.
07-26-2011, 05:20 AM
#42
Super Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Springfield, Ohio
Posts: 5,446
I would not want to be around such negativity! Sounds like they need to get over themselves and concentrate on helping others. Therein is great reward! Why don't you and your friend who shares your thoughts start your own little group.
07-26-2011, 05:58 AM
#43
Super Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Bend, Oregon
Posts: 1,853
Originally Posted by susie-susie-susie
It seems to me that you will loose nothing if you bring it up the the hostess/organizer. It sounds like she is getting fed up with the complaining since she is usually so quiet at the meetings. If I am wrong, you will loose nothing since you are ready to quit anyway. Then you can begin another group and eliminate the complainers/nasty ladies. There was no excuse for that person to jump all over you that way. Good luck, and speak up for yourself. It's not worth the agrivation just to improve your applique.
Sue
Sue
07-26-2011, 06:04 AM
#44
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 697
if it were me, I would stop going. If the organizer called and asked why I stopped coming to the group, simply tell her the truth - it's negative and stressful, and I feel shut out. Tell her thanks for the invite, but I don't feel like I belong there.
Before I left I also, as several have said, would take those few aside who seemed helpful and upbeat and get their numbers and discuss a new small group with them, but, don't feel bad if they stay where they are. They might have a loyalty to even the most cranky members.
Maybe you could start your own group, maybe post a notice at your fav fabric shop, or in a local shopper. You could set the agenda and really keep people on track. Also, you could have a set small number of people in the group to keep it controllable. It might be the organizer of your group has just lost cotrol of it and can't find a way to ask the whiners to just shut up.
I left a group where I'd paid dues for a year but we just werent doing anything and one person was really bossy (quilt police!) and I was uncomfortable going. sharet
Before I left I also, as several have said, would take those few aside who seemed helpful and upbeat and get their numbers and discuss a new small group with them, but, don't feel bad if they stay where they are. They might have a loyalty to even the most cranky members.
Maybe you could start your own group, maybe post a notice at your fav fabric shop, or in a local shopper. You could set the agenda and really keep people on track. Also, you could have a set small number of people in the group to keep it controllable. It might be the organizer of your group has just lost cotrol of it and can't find a way to ask the whiners to just shut up.
I left a group where I'd paid dues for a year but we just werent doing anything and one person was really bossy (quilt police!) and I was uncomfortable going. sharet
07-26-2011, 06:12 AM
#45
Super Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Central Coast CA
Posts: 1,918
Originally Posted by MellieKQuilter
I say stop going. Negativity begets negativity... why not host something in your own home once a month? This way you can invite the few that are pleasant and helpful (and worl on your own but get help during this time), and you all can help each other at this event. Make it a Saturday Social or something, and keep it small and enjoyable. I would bet the others would love it! :) Just keep in mind, no complaining about the other ladies. Start fresh and keep this POSITIVE. :)
I've been a member of a quilting group for over 20 years where all the others are at least 20 years older than I. When the talk gets going on who's ill or who died lately, I just cheerfully suggest that we should get onto a more cheerful subject please. And there's always someone who backs me up.
07-26-2011, 06:17 AM
#46
Super Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Waco Texas
Posts: 1,182
I say stop going as well. just find a different group. I belong to a wonderful bee and we all get along laugh and we are honest with each. You just go find another one. Join a quilt then a bee from there if you don't know anyone in another bee now. NEVER ever stay around people that don't inspire you or treat you well. the world is hard enough with out them treating you that way also. best of luck to you
Dawn
Dawn
07-26-2011, 07:39 AM
#49
Super Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Chapel Hill
Posts: 1,086
Originally Posted by gaevren
Pull the ladies you DO like aside one by one and ask them for their phone numbers- say that due to a scheduling conflict you won't be able to make the Bees anymore but that you would love to keep in touch and possibly get together again.
That way at the very least you don't lose them and you don't have to put up with the negativity anymore. And you could start your own small group if you wished.
That way at the very least you don't lose them and you don't have to put up with the negativity anymore. And you could start your own small group if you wished.
Cheers, K
07-26-2011, 08:31 AM
#50
Super Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Long Island, N.Y.
Posts: 1,832
Absolutely get out!!!! Personally, I have enough troubles of my own without listening to other peoples nonsense - and that's what whining is - nonsense.
Our own quality time is limited, so why waste it with people who like to complain? I chose to be happy whenever possible and friends help make you happy.
I would go to the hostess after the meeting and tell her that you won't be coming for a while, for peronsal reasons, but that you'd like to keep in touch with her - that you enjoy your relationship with her, and that you will miss her.
If she presses it, you can tell her that the negativity is starting to get to you. Don't change your mind. Your mental health is so much more important than belonging to this group.
Not all older women are complainers and whiners. You and your one friend will have a wonderful time learning from and teaching each other.
Our own quality time is limited, so why waste it with people who like to complain? I chose to be happy whenever possible and friends help make you happy.
I would go to the hostess after the meeting and tell her that you won't be coming for a while, for peronsal reasons, but that you'd like to keep in touch with her - that you enjoy your relationship with her, and that you will miss her.
If she presses it, you can tell her that the negativity is starting to get to you. Don't change your mind. Your mental health is so much more important than belonging to this group.
Not all older women are complainers and whiners. You and your one friend will have a wonderful time learning from and teaching each other.
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