catrancher

Several of you have made suggestions something along these lines. Believe me, I'm very tempted. We don't live close, and so the only chance I'll have is when I travel south this winter, and we are planning to visit her. I know she has a sewing machine, but she says she hasn't used it in years (decades, I'm guessing).

The one thing holding me back is that she's worn glasses since we were kids. She told me once she doesn't sew because her eyes aren't good enough any more, and I'm sympathetic about that.

I think I'm having a strong reaction to this because if she had asked me to make something for her, I would have done it gladly (sort of). But I really dislike her husband. He's verbally and psychologically abusive to her. I think she should have left him long ago, but that's just my opinion. It's her life, and she has to live it her way. It's a second marriage for both of them (her first husband walked out when her kids were babies), and I know she really just wanted to make their marriage work. She's paid a heavy price for that.

So I think I'm really put off at her asking me to make a gift for him. I don't really want to do anything for him, nor do I want her to do anything for him. She may bend over backwards to make her marriage work; but if it were up to me, I'd have thrown the bum out years ago.

I think I'll feel best if I follow through and do what I said I would do. But I won't do it if it happens again. Once I've done this project, I'll feel like my obligation as her friend is complete. Beyond that, I'll show her how to do it herself.

catrancher

She bought it at a quilt show, and so no chance for a refund. I was surprised she had gone to a quilt show. I feels all tied up in a nice little bundle for me to do. I was very surprised that she would make the purchase without asking me first. I would never have assumed something like that about a friend. But that's just me.

catrancher

It was easy to say no to a queen sized project, and I would have said no to her to her too. Maybe not, "No" but I would have definitely made it worth my own while by charging an arm and a leg for it. In that case, it would have been a job, not a gift, and that's a whole different story.

I had to laugh at your comment about hemming pants. I hate hemming anything, and so I am willing to pay someone to do it!

catrancher

This is the bottom line, and it's what I'll end up doing.

RST

Send her a "kit" of something (even if it's paint by numbers). Let her know "how much more fun it would be if we made it a swap". Hers will be ready when you receive yours in the mail. Is she good at anything? Make it comparable. Let her know you really want this, but don't have the time to do it yourself. In the end, maybe you'll both end up with something nice...

From me she would get a crossstitch kit of "The Golden Rule"; even if I had to make the darn kit up myself with instructions.


LOL -- I like that plan a lot.

RST

liannallama

Rewrite this so it sounds like something you would say and then practice saying it so you will be ready the next time someone puts you on the spot. Sorry your friend has sucked you into a project you won't enjoy because you were trying to be nice.

"Quilting is my creative outlet and I really need to follow my muse and make things that catch my interest at that moment so I have trouble making projects that others have planned for me and I didn't choose. When I do that it feels like work to me and takes the joy out of my hobby!"

catrancher

Good answer, and it's absolutely true.

Jamiestitcher62

Ok, I'm kinda screwed, because the owners of the company I work for bought me my Janome 7700 for my birthday. Now one of the owners wants me to make him a queen size quilt for his bed. The bad thing for me is that he has no idea what he wants and he's picky, I'm a new quilter and I'm not sure if what he will want is something I can do and I'm hoping he forgets all about it. I hate doing stuff for people because I'm not even close to being good enough to do stuff for others yet I feel obligated because they got me the machine.

BellaBoo

It's easy to say No thank you I don't want to. It works, it's simple and honest, and I'm not feeling stuck with an obligation. Somethings I have to do want to or not but everything else is my choice. Tell your friend that after looking at the kit and pattern and thinking it over you do not want to put that much time into something you don't want to do. Give the kit back and smile and forget about it.

desertrose

Since you are committed and don't feel you can back out of the project perhaps there is a way to help you feel less trapped in this project of doom. What if you completed the project as soon as you have the time but delay sending it back to her until spring. By doing to sooner you remove that feeling of I don't want to do this project I hate. You could turn it into a major learning experience on several levels. Do what feels right to you and the doom will disappear.

Good Luck!
Andie :)