False Praise
04-26-2011, 06:32 AM
#92
Junior Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 147
Ya know again on this same subject. I remember the very first quilt I ever made was one for my daughter when she was probably about eight years old. It was made up of squares and I knowwwwwww it was defiantely not perfect in any way shape or form but she loved that quilt because her mommy made it for her. I never realized just how important that quilt was too her untill she had her first child. I went and spent a week with her and had to go into her closet for something and there it was folded up in the corner of her closet. I took it out and looked at it and it was completley thread barin and looked much more like a rag then a quilt. I asked her why in the world she still had it and she said because you made it for me mom. I went home and immediately made her another one! so no matter what the quality is" It means something to someone. And I can honestly say with all the nice quilts that I have made since then " Not a one of them will ever make me feel better then that one did. It still brings tears too my eyes.
04-26-2011, 06:38 AM
#93
Junior Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Alabama
Posts: 106
Originally Posted by CarrieAnne
I can always find something positive to say. I was raised by the saying, if ya cant say something nice, say nothing at all.
04-26-2011, 06:52 AM
#94
Power Poster
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Georgia
Posts: 11,189
This reminds me of an article I read a few months back from a child psychologist regarding telling a child they can be anything they want to be when they grow up. According to him this is the wrong thing to tell the child. Instead you should tell them they may try many things in life before they find the one thing they are truly good at. If someone asks for advice I will try to give the most honest and kind response. If they are wanting me to agree with them and I can't, that's when no response is given. And yes I still try to live by "if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all".
04-26-2011, 06:53 AM
#95
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Glendale, AZ
Posts: 325
Originally Posted by DogHouseMom
I agree to a point, when I post something and ask for comments, I truely want honest opinions which includes constructive criticizm. Some advice I'll take, some I'll ignore - according to my desires and beliefs - but all constructive criticizm is appreciated even if not used.
A member (an experiencd quilter) posted several blocks the other day, the blocks had yet been joined together. She was looking for comments on the best layout. While she didn't specifically ask for constructive criticizm of the individual blocks *I* had noticed that some of the pieces in one block were flipped. Had it been my block I would have appreciated it being pointed out because that juncture it was easy to fix - so I did point it out to her, as did one or two other members. These things (brain fart mistakes) I think are appreciated when pointed out even if unsolicited. I would not however point out the same error on a quilt that was already quilted - why raise the dead?
When I see a pic of a first quilt or block by a new quilter, and their post starts with something like 'yippee - look what I did!' ... the block could be totally wonky but I wouldn't dare say a word. At that point of "oh my God I actually sewed a bunch of pieces together" - let them have that glory. I would prefer to see them retain that excitement and passion over the possibility of dashing it by saying it isn't right (which may make them think quilting is just too hard!). If they decide they love quilting they'll be seeing more quilts, the more they see the more they'll see the differences, and hopefully the more they will learn.
A member (an experiencd quilter) posted several blocks the other day, the blocks had yet been joined together. She was looking for comments on the best layout. While she didn't specifically ask for constructive criticizm of the individual blocks *I* had noticed that some of the pieces in one block were flipped. Had it been my block I would have appreciated it being pointed out because that juncture it was easy to fix - so I did point it out to her, as did one or two other members. These things (brain fart mistakes) I think are appreciated when pointed out even if unsolicited. I would not however point out the same error on a quilt that was already quilted - why raise the dead?
When I see a pic of a first quilt or block by a new quilter, and their post starts with something like 'yippee - look what I did!' ... the block could be totally wonky but I wouldn't dare say a word. At that point of "oh my God I actually sewed a bunch of pieces together" - let them have that glory. I would prefer to see them retain that excitement and passion over the possibility of dashing it by saying it isn't right (which may make them think quilting is just too hard!). If they decide they love quilting they'll be seeing more quilts, the more they see the more they'll see the differences, and hopefully the more they will learn.
04-26-2011, 06:56 AM
#96
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 416
I used to belong to a woman's club where all kind of handicrafts were taught and done by the members. We had a member who would win in any category at any level local, regional or provincial and a wonderful teacher. No one could equal her to give praise to a beginner . She would put her arm around your shoulder, give you a hug and find words to compliment or encourage you. I learnt from her to give honest praise, a little Gee, you put lots of hours doing that quilt! is better than nothing at all. Most of the time that simple remark would open the door to discuss the problems that happened.
04-26-2011, 06:57 AM
#97
Super Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2,199
Not everyone is of the same skill level. As people sew they improve. I don't believe it is right to criticize when they have done their best. Quite often they know it needs improving on but they don't need to be discouraged by criticisms. As far as color choices, not every one enjoys the same colors or color scheme. As the saying goes: "beauty is in the eyes of the beholder." Someone may have done the very best they can just to have someone else criticize their work. Find something good to say or don't say anything.
Originally Posted by JanieW
I read the quilt police thread and some of the comments made me think about the issue of giving false praise.
When someone has made a quilt that is poorly put together or there isn't enough contrast with colour choices, or it just plain doesn't look right, are we being fair by complimenting them?
I don't believe in embarrassing a person by pointing out mistakes or telling them that they have to do it the "right" way. I don't believe in telling someone their work is lovely when it isn't. Being positive and encouraging is essential, but damning with faint praise is harmful.
Where is the line between trying to help someone improve their skills and being the dreaded hated quilt police?
When someone has made a quilt that is poorly put together or there isn't enough contrast with colour choices, or it just plain doesn't look right, are we being fair by complimenting them?
I don't believe in embarrassing a person by pointing out mistakes or telling them that they have to do it the "right" way. I don't believe in telling someone their work is lovely when it isn't. Being positive and encouraging is essential, but damning with faint praise is harmful.
Where is the line between trying to help someone improve their skills and being the dreaded hated quilt police?
04-26-2011, 07:01 AM
#98
Super Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 1,043
Thanks for all your responses. They were all very interesting to read.
When I was taking a hand quilting class, the teacher told us the first night not to worry about the size of our stitches, but to work on even consistent stitches. So I went home and did my homework, deliberately making the stitches larger than desirable so that I could work on rocking the needle and getting them all the same size.
When I took my work to the next class, the quilt police were there . One lady was really curt and dismissive because of my large stitches. Another was kind enough to tell me that the even, consistent stitches were really good for a beginner and when I practised getting them smaller I would be a really good hand quilter.
I didn't ask either one of those ladies for advice, but the difference in the way they told me my stitches were too big was a good learning experience for me.
BTW a third lady was effusive and sugary because she was trying to be nice. :D
Hand quilting is my passion and I am reasonably good at it.
I am stubborn and if I want to learn to do something I'll do it regardless of what anyone has to say, but the lady who gently criticized me with no false praise taught me more than hand quilting.
When I was taking a hand quilting class, the teacher told us the first night not to worry about the size of our stitches, but to work on even consistent stitches. So I went home and did my homework, deliberately making the stitches larger than desirable so that I could work on rocking the needle and getting them all the same size.
When I took my work to the next class, the quilt police were there . One lady was really curt and dismissive because of my large stitches. Another was kind enough to tell me that the even, consistent stitches were really good for a beginner and when I practised getting them smaller I would be a really good hand quilter.
I didn't ask either one of those ladies for advice, but the difference in the way they told me my stitches were too big was a good learning experience for me.
BTW a third lady was effusive and sugary because she was trying to be nice. :D
Hand quilting is my passion and I am reasonably good at it.
I am stubborn and if I want to learn to do something I'll do it regardless of what anyone has to say, but the lady who gently criticized me with no false praise taught me more than hand quilting.
04-26-2011, 07:03 AM
#99
Super Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Madison, AL
Posts: 1,998
I definately agree! I put out a post recently and asked for HONEST opinions. Some very brave soles emailed me and gave me their HONEST opinion in a private message. Thanks for not embarrasing me for all to see. I have seen some very poor workmanship here and have a hard time saying its beautiful, etc when it is not. I usually just don't comment at all if I have nothing nice to say. I really did respect and appreciate the advise I got from those HONEST opinions. I asked for that because I am truly interested in improving my skills.
04-26-2011, 07:03 AM
#100
Super Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 1,646
If someone asks for something, such as color combo's, how you think this should be laid out, of course I offer my true opinion of how I would do it. My tastes for color combining may not be the same, but, I offering my opinion. However, if someone posts a picture of their quilt and does not ask any questions, they must really like the quilt or I don't think they would have posted it. If I don't like it, I won't comment on it. I may send a private msg and ask about a certain element and how I see through my eyes. Never insult anyone. We are all crafters, some with more experience then others, but, some with less deserve some encouragement
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