Jackie Spencer

I get together the first Sat. of every month with 5 other ladies, at our local Library, from 9 to 4. We have been doing this for 5 or 6 years now. We usually have a pitch in, sometimes order out. We all bring our machines or hand work, whatever we want and we sew all day. We talk and laugh and a few times have even cryed together. Over the years we have had several ladies join us and all were welcome, they would come for awhile and then life would get in the way and they stopped coming. We let them know they were missed, and invited them to come back any time. But..... we had this one lady who came for awhile that drove us all nuts! she talked all the time and very loudly, she knew everything about everything, and was very critical of everyones projects. She could say the most hurtful things, no tact at all.
No one ever said anything to her about her behavior, but after awhile she stopped coming, she was not missed! I believe it was because she thought she was wasting her time and talents on us. Three of the women in our group have taught classes on quilting of one type or other, so I'd say we pretty much know what were doing. We were glad she stopped coming, and even happier that none of us had been rude to her.

margee

I long to be a member of a small quilt group for friendship, the comfort of belonging for awhile. Now you know why I have only tried once and asked how to join a group. When the person telling me how to join and if "they" decided they would like to have me in the group after one or two times of "visiting" them finished talking, I knew that I would be judged a lot. Of course that's not what I was looking for. I still long for a group of people to quilt with but after that one encounter of asking, I have never sought out any other group.
margee

Barb in Louisiana

There are so many ideas going on here. I'm a chatty lady, especially in a new environment. I have to watch myself all the time to make myself calm down & let others have the floor. It has helped me a couple of times for someone to say privately to me "You really talk a lot, don't you?" Oddly, sometimes it's when you're in a bathroom, maybe on the way to your car after sewing. You never know when the opportunity to make your point will come up.

Perhaps no one has taken the time to let this lady know how she is affecting everyone. Maybe no one has ever told her that everyone gets a turn at visiting & talking, not just her. As a last resort, if she continues to come & continues the incessant chatter, then someone needs to throw the conversation to another person. Just bluntly say. Why don't we take turns today bringing everyone up to date on our lives? XXX What's going on with you? If she starts to take over the conversation, then just say gently.... we'll get to you in a moment, it's xxx turn.

The absolute last thing I would do is disband the group or start meeting somewhere else. Someone must be the adult/leader here & let this lady know the "manners" rule. And that she can't be the center of attention all the time.

Neesie

Many people chatter non-stop, when they finally have an audience. I know someone like that, bless her heart! What worked for me, was to give the person a few minutes of quality listening and then move on, to another person. When Chatty interrupted, I'd just keep giving the other person my undivided attention. Eventually, I'd get back to Chatty for another dose, then move on again. She was more than happy to just keep chattering away to herself, just in case anyone was listening.

I agree you should give this new person another chance. She may be very insecure and trying to impress everyone, to gain acceptance. Is there anything you do like about her? If so, point it out to her and maybe she'll stop trying to bombard you with all the other stuff. If that doesn't work, then try the "listen, ignore, listen" approach.

If she truly is a narcissist and is only there to talk about herself, she'll probably end up leaving on her own, if she's forced to share the spotlight.

Barb in Louisiana

I think you are missing the point. To me, it's not about judging, but about finding out if you are compatible with the group. This whole thread is about just this type of thing. Many things could cause you not to be compatible with a group....what if you love perfume, but one of the ladies is allergic to it? Would you quit wearing it? What if you always showed up but without all the things and were constantly borrowing from everyone, but not paying back? What if it was a relatively quiet group and you were the non-stop chatterer? The idea is for everyone to feel comfortable & enjoy the time together. Go...Visit...See if you like the others. You may not like them. On the other hand, you may just love them and them you. It could be just the group you are looking for.

cherrio

OMA and BELLA said it well! give chatty a chance.

MargeD

I would give her a second chance, as on occasion I've been the "chatty" one, but perhaps you could have a "coffee hour" after your meeting where people are encouraged to talk, but restrict talking to a minimum otherwise. it's worth a shot anyway.

institches33

We have a constant talker at work but she is bipolar. A girl from our quilt group brought her mother to a shop hop and the woman talked nonstop. She crochets so she started going to a splinter group of ours who knits. I couldn't stand it and dropped out. I really miss going and seeing everyone, but it was three hours of nonstop dribble. I gave it a good try.

Wanabee Quiltin

I used to be part of a group that seemed to get along great. I was the outsider who traveled to their city to quilt with them. I was the traveler who had been all over the world, still traveling and they were the homebodies who thought a trip to the grocery store was a big deal. If this woman truly does not fit in, you won't have to say a word, she will get bored with you. It seems to me that women can say a lot when they don't even open their mouths. I am still friends with these other women, but I don't quilt with them weekly anymore.

BETTY62

To me this woman is just being herself and "the group" seems to be quick to judge. Maybe "the group" should step back and take a look at how they are acting. Imagine the possibility that maybe, just maybe the woman has already resolved the issue because she wasn't that impressed with then and doesn't care to be a part of their group.