I need advice from a wise woman
04-16-2010, 04:46 AM
#32
Power Poster
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Milverton, ON, Canada
Posts: 13,209
Dear Gwyn,
Please know that you always have someone here who you can talk to, cry with and when your ready laugh with too. Allow yourself to be sad but don't allow the sadness to become who you are. You are still the same person, who loves her family, and loves to sew, and has a heart as big as a house when she knows someone is in need, but now you are also the person who misses her dear Randy. Seek the support of others who are going through this at your church or a counselling center, or a local organization, these groups exist because at some point nearly everyone is going to have to deal with the things you are trying to get through right now.
Love and prayers,
Lori
Please know that you always have someone here who you can talk to, cry with and when your ready laugh with too. Allow yourself to be sad but don't allow the sadness to become who you are. You are still the same person, who loves her family, and loves to sew, and has a heart as big as a house when she knows someone is in need, but now you are also the person who misses her dear Randy. Seek the support of others who are going through this at your church or a counselling center, or a local organization, these groups exist because at some point nearly everyone is going to have to deal with the things you are trying to get through right now.
Love and prayers,
Lori
04-16-2010, 06:01 AM
#34
Super Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Orchard Park, NY (near Buffalo, which is near Niagara Falls)
Posts: 3,884
Dear Gwyn,
I'm so very sorry! I don't think I qualify as wise... but... do stay connected with people. It's almost always more nourishing to your soul, to be with other people, rather than to be alone, no matter what your sorrow is.
If it were someone else that you were watching, grieving the loss of life's partner, you would know that emotions would be all over the place for a long time, and that the healing process does happen, though not steadily. So be as gentle and patient with yourself, as you would with others.
My Dad has been gone for ten years now. I'll share the advice that I've heard my Mom give to women that are just starting out on the road she's been walking: that the first year is the hardest, going through all the holidays the first time without him. And even after that, the grief will still overtake her unexpectedly. Just let it be. Tears are healing too.
When the time is right, try to remember the small things that have always given you pleasure, whether it's a warm bath on a cold night, or watching the steam rise from a hot cup of coffee, seeing the clouds race across the sky on a windy day or watching a wildflower bloom. Just little things. It's okay to start small.
I'm so very sorry! I don't think I qualify as wise... but... do stay connected with people. It's almost always more nourishing to your soul, to be with other people, rather than to be alone, no matter what your sorrow is.
If it were someone else that you were watching, grieving the loss of life's partner, you would know that emotions would be all over the place for a long time, and that the healing process does happen, though not steadily. So be as gentle and patient with yourself, as you would with others.
My Dad has been gone for ten years now. I'll share the advice that I've heard my Mom give to women that are just starting out on the road she's been walking: that the first year is the hardest, going through all the holidays the first time without him. And even after that, the grief will still overtake her unexpectedly. Just let it be. Tears are healing too.
When the time is right, try to remember the small things that have always given you pleasure, whether it's a warm bath on a cold night, or watching the steam rise from a hot cup of coffee, seeing the clouds race across the sky on a windy day or watching a wildflower bloom. Just little things. It's okay to start small.
04-16-2010, 06:05 AM
#35
Super Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 4,532
Gwyn,
I can not offer you any more pearls of wisdom than the wonderful ladies on this board already have. What I can offer you is a shoulder to cry on, ears to listen and a heart to send you love and hugs. Know you will be in my thoughts and prayers and if you ever need anything I am here (as all of the folks are on this board I am sure) for you!!
Love & Hugs
April
I can not offer you any more pearls of wisdom than the wonderful ladies on this board already have. What I can offer you is a shoulder to cry on, ears to listen and a heart to send you love and hugs. Know you will be in my thoughts and prayers and if you ever need anything I am here (as all of the folks are on this board I am sure) for you!!
Love & Hugs
April
04-16-2010, 06:20 AM
#36
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Somewhere near the water in beautiful Michigan
Posts: 772
Gwyn,
I'm so saddened to hear you are now having to deal with this. I'm sure you know we all love you and are here to listen. Please feel free to cry on our shoulders whenever you need to do so. I can't offer you much advice from experience, but I'm available to chat whenever you need. I've learned to be a good listener.
Take good care of yourself and try to find something to smile about every day, even if it's just a flower in bloom, children playing, or a sitcom that just makes you giggle 'til you p**. I find that just sitting with my fabrics sometimes helps. You'll find your way, and we certainly will help.
Love, hugs and blessings to you, my dear.
I'm so saddened to hear you are now having to deal with this. I'm sure you know we all love you and are here to listen. Please feel free to cry on our shoulders whenever you need to do so. I can't offer you much advice from experience, but I'm available to chat whenever you need. I've learned to be a good listener.
Take good care of yourself and try to find something to smile about every day, even if it's just a flower in bloom, children playing, or a sitcom that just makes you giggle 'til you p**. I find that just sitting with my fabrics sometimes helps. You'll find your way, and we certainly will help.
Love, hugs and blessings to you, my dear.
04-16-2010, 06:26 AM
#37
Junior Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Iowa
Posts: 141
My grandmother has lost 3 husbands over her lifetime and the one thing she always said is:
Start a new routine. Make one up and force yourself to do it. Make sure it includes taking care of yourself and going out of the house every day. Force yourself to make at least one phone call to someone to chat every day. Do your routine until it becomes normal and you'll realize the pain in your heart has been replaced by the warmth of memories.
Start a new routine. Make one up and force yourself to do it. Make sure it includes taking care of yourself and going out of the house every day. Force yourself to make at least one phone call to someone to chat every day. Do your routine until it becomes normal and you'll realize the pain in your heart has been replaced by the warmth of memories.
04-16-2010, 06:45 AM
#39
Super Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: chicago, IL
Posts: 9,589
I don't really have much advise...just a quick hug to tell you that we all care.
Have you considered making a quilt out of some of Randy's clothes??? It might be nice to snuggle with when you are feeling alone...Hugs, Susie
Have you considered making a quilt out of some of Randy's clothes??? It might be nice to snuggle with when you are feeling alone...Hugs, Susie
04-16-2010, 07:35 AM
#40
Junior Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 159
I am sorry for your loss. I've been there. My husband of 32 yrs passed away last July & sometimes it still feels like a dream I'll wake up from & he'll be back. Healing takes time-don't push yourself. I read somewhere that when you go through a loss like this "normal" is not what it used to be. You have to adjust to a new "normal". Just get through one day at a time. Even though it may be hard to concentrate on things try to stay busy. Don't hold your emotions inside. Cry if you need to cry. Tears can be cleansing. I know your hurt is very real & things are difficult right now. My prayers are with you.
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