QBeth

Way to go, Billy! What's being discussed here is a stress sandwich. Guilt over spending too much, stress over hiding it, stress about telling the spouse, stressing over (maybe) having an addiction, on and on and on!

To me, an addiction is when someone's spending puts the family in jeopardy where the mortgage can't be paid and the bill collectors are at the door. My opinion is that, for many of us, there's some underlying stress elsewhere in our lives that is partly relieved by buying fabric, an item that appeals to our artistic side but one that we can justify by saying that it can be made into something useful -- quilts.

Is saying "chocolate is my friend" an addiction? No! Chocolate raises the "happy" hormones in our brain, making us feel better. So, FABRIC = HAPPY

Diannemc, you are not a bad person, even if you do have an addiction which I doubt is the case. What's your stress??? How about trying to sell a house, not having your own money, contemplating moving, etc. Sounds to me like you need some major happy brain hormones.

You are a strong person! YOU ARE WOMAN! Keeper of the home flame, the glue that binds, a person who turns to something productive (quilting) vs. sitting around indulging in some destructive addiction. Make a budget for fabric. There were some good ideas here on how to save those pennies. When you get a nest egg, go spend with no guilt or stress. You're in a temporary bad place. Things will get better.

Jeannie

You are just like the rest of us and that is not a bad thing! Just love fabric!

bstanbro

I've been known to pay cash to hide my purchases.

Gwyn

I am guilty of overspending so bad that we decided to get rid of the credit and debit cards. Now we have a pre-paid card for use on the computer, but other than that it is cash all the way. We have been out of debt 17 years this month. Now that I am legally blind, I can't go to the store by myself, so I do have to have a list, but usually he will allow an extra 'must have' or two.

However, since my wonderful friends on this forum sent me a huge stash, shopping at home is a wonderful adventure. Even my kids will help me find the exact piece I need.

Don't feel too bad, just be honest. Tell him over fresh pie and ice cream and coffee. My hubby would accept a splurge on sale stuff pretty well as long as I was feeding him.

Linsoblu

I can't do that if hubby says not to I can't he check everything daily on the computer.

aliaslaceygreen

This may be a bit harsh, I apologize in advance, I am not looking to make anyone feel badly.

I actually had to get up, and walk away from this thread, and greet my husband at the door, to tell him I loved him.

I work, he works. However he out-earns me by more than double my income, so the big bills, the 'real' ones, are his.

If you do NOT work outside the home, consider the cost he would have for a maid service, a laundry service and a meal service. You do thousands of unpaid jobs that he couldn't hire someone to do, therefore you are JUST as deserving of some of the money he brings home, because you make it possible for him to go to work every day and come home to a home that is warm, clean and safe.

Unless I am planning on spending more than $500 of MY MONEY, I feel it is not a bit of his business. He is of the same feeling. I don't want to know about every car part he thinks he can't LIVE WITHOUT (but I hear about it anyway, lol) and he really doesn't get the same level of excitement over my finding 5 fabrics that look cool together.

I inherited $1000 from my Nana and because "I" decided I wanted to put it toward a $1300 machine, we talked. I didn't ask his permission.

It hurts, physically hurts my heart, to hear that one grown adult feels the true need to hide $30 of spending for something that makes her happy from another grown adult who is supposed to be a partner, not a parent or a jailer.

I also think we may toss about the word "addiction" lightly, when really we are not talking about something destructive; we use it for its drama, for its heightened sense of meaning, but I don't think most of us are discussing an actual addiction, just a pleasure, a hobby, an avocation.

I'm sorry if I've offended, but it is one of my pet peeves.(Don't get me started on men being asked to babysit their own children!!)

pal

We've all spent money this month on other people, be it a lot or a little, or fabric to make them something wonderful.
We see something that someone special would really like, and we buy it. It may be more costly than we had planned, but we know they will "love it"!

Aren't we just as important as everyone else? Please don't
feel bad about being good to yourself!

Boston1954

You are NOT a bad person. Stop and think about his hobbies. Would he think twice about getting something he wanted?

conniejean

Amen!

Lostn51

My wife has never worked a day since we we married 26 years ago.

I was brought up that the man was the bread winner and the wife was in charge of everything else. I have always pitched in and helped her with everything including changing diapers and sitting up all night with the sick kiddo so she could get some rest.

She has always been in charge of the money and bills in the house and we have always had a joint bank account since before the I do's were said. The way I look at it if she wants to spend money on something for herself she deserves it and I am not complaining.

Now like someone else stated I have to show her all of my car parts and sewing machines I bring home and like the good wife, she will listen and tell me I did good even though I know she really doesn't care but she shares the excitement with me.

But on the same note she will show me the neat pair of shoes or a piece of jewelry that she got on sale and I will sit and look and listen and share her happiness! :D :D

Billy