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Thread: Finally Moved Mom in With Us....

  1. #1
    Super Member jljack's Avatar
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    Finally Moved Mom in With Us....

    ...and so far so good. Early in December she had a very slight heart attack, and passed out and fell at home. She had a Life Alert, and barely remembers pushing the button. The paramedics came, got into the house, and found her. She was fully conscious by the time they got to the hospital and figured out what happened, but the docs had a hard time getting her heart rate back up to over 55. She is 87 so they don't really want to do a pacemaker, and she doesn't want one. She has clotting issues, too, which makes that surgery really risky. So, no.

    We brought her home right to our house, since there was too much risk of her being home alone again. She's a sweet lady, and she and my DH love each other like mother and son...amazing!!

    But, that was only a few days before Christmas, so between Christmas and New Years we spend the whole week painting our extra bedroom and moving all her bedroom furniture in. Since then we have been going through all her stuff at her place, and determining if it's "Give, donate or throw". Luckily my siblings and their kids and my daughter and SIL all have been helping with this slow, tedious process. My mom is very pragmatic...no emotional attachment to "stuff" for her!! She is holding on to her pictures, her jewelry and some little trinkets that were her parents' or her siblings'.

    When this season comes up for you and your parents, I hope that it goes as well as it has for us. Since we have been with Mom so much more, we have noticed that her memory is really deteriorated, and she relies on us to figure out what all the forms and things that come from insurance are about. So, watch your parents closely. They will say "I'm fine", but that may not be so. I am so happy that she was willing to move in with us before something really tragic happened. Start talking to your parents a long time before the actual time to do it comes...it just makes it easier if everyone is on the same page.

    Hope this advice is helpful to some of you. Blessings!!

  2. #2
    mim
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    Super Member mim's Avatar
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    so very important to watch (observe) with a clear mind. You are so fortunate that she is such a lovely lady -- and so are you and your DH

    Mim

  3. #3
    Super Member athomenow's Avatar
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    I'm so glad this is working out for you. Some of us have tried various things and nothing has worked in that arena. Mom doesn't want to leave the house on two feet and will only go when she's dead. Her words! I've tried assisted living and they had enough after 3 mos and called us to come get her. We have a lady that comes in 30 hours a week to help with food, bathing and meds. It's all I can do for her. I'm ok that something is going to kill her and she is also 87. My dad died 5 yrs ago and if she had gone then she would have been happy. Good luck with your mother. This is a very sweet act on your part and it does take alot out of you. So take care of yourself also.
    Debra

  4. #4
    Senior Member ShabbyTabby's Avatar
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    Thank God for family. I'm 77 and have some health problems and my DD and SIL moved me in with them December of 2009. Since then I have had to have hip replacement and I have Congestive Heart Failure and also have to be on oxygen 24/7. I can do some things (very slowly) and I do cook dinner about 4 nights a week to help out. But I can no longer live alone and I'm so very lucky to have such a wonderful Daughter and a super special Son in law. I can do a lot sitting down. Have even learned to lower the ironing board so I can sit and iron. Still do my quilting but Daughter and Granddaughter help when it comes time to lay out the top and make the sandwich. If I ever got down on the floor, I'd never be able to get up again...LOL. I guess the most precious thing we can have is a loving and caring family.
    Families are like old quilts....although they tend to unravel at times...each can be stitched back together with love.

  5. #5
    Moderator Up North's Avatar
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    My MIl lived alone till she was 92 and a half we saw her slowly failing and not eating well, Dh checked on her eveyday she went to the hospital just before Christmas and they recommended a skilled nursing center, she has been there since and will remain there, I live in a trailer and just do not have room for a wheel chair, She is getting very forgetful, sometimes thins her son is her brother, talks about visitors that have been gone for 30 years or more. She is getting good care and activities that I could not do with her.

  6. #6
    Super Member RobertaMarie's Avatar
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    Janice, you are so sweet, and so is your mother. Thanks for the intro at guild yesterday. I admire people who can take in their aging parents. I didn't have that chance, and I miss my mom so much! I am glad Jack and I have each other, as there are no kids to go to. God bless you and your whole family. You are so special.

  7. #7
    Super Member kathdavis's Avatar
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    You are so lucky to have your mom for so long. What a treasure! My mom died from cancer at 56 and I was only 22. I know I missed out on so much.
    Kathleen

    Remember, people will see your quilts long after you are gone....NOT your housework!

  8. #8
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    We've been through this with both my MIL and Mother. My MIL was a difficult lady all her life, but the last 6 months of her life were almost magic, she was so easy to be with. She'd had 2 strokes and dementia, and couldn't remember anything long enough to get mad or be nasty. Both my DH and I count that time as a blessing for her and for us.

    My Mom stayed with DH and I for the last 7 months of her life. She had advancing altzheimers and was so hard of hearing that she couldn't hear the phone when it rang...so we were always worried about her. She finally got sick enough to be hospitalized. I talked to my siblings about 'going home' and we all decided that she should come to our house, since I wasn't working and they were. She was MAD to say the least, and told me living at my house was like being in prison, and called me the warden. We all stood firm. It was funny because we didn't ask her to do anything she didn't do when she was home alone, except come to the table to eat (otherwise she got no exercise at all!) and get to bed by 2:00 AM! Finally had a talk with her about it, and she calmed down and accepted the situation. Ironically, she was not a difficult person in general, but was difficult at the end. But it was a gift to be able to spend that time with her, and I miss her a lot.

    Enjoy your time with your Mom. You'll make new memories and feel your love for her grow.

  9. #9
    Super Member Gramie bj's Avatar
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    [QUOTE=athomenow;4893878]I'm so glad this is working out for you. Some of us have tried various things and nothing has worked in that arena. Mom doesn't want to leave the house on two feet and will only go when she's dead. Her words! I've tried assisted living and they had enough after 3 mos and called us to come get her. We have a lady that comes in 30 hours a week to help with food, bathing and meds. It's all I can do for her. I'm ok that something is going to kill her and she is also 87. My dad died 5 yrs ago and if she had gone then she would have been happy. Good luck with your mother. This is a very sweet act on your part and it does take alot out of you. So take care of yourself also.[/QUOTE

    My Mom is in the middle of yours and jiljack's I am an only child and she refuses to live with me! She says we would come to blows or hurt feeling within a month. LOL We are a lot alike! She still lives at home, alone, will not have any help come in. I have tryed to bring in more than one person to help her, she will chase them off! LOL I know it's not funny but it is either accept her wishes or cry. I have been able to get the car keys away from her, but she won't sell it, keeps the insurance up, and licence tabs current. She keeps saying maybe someday the Dr. will let her drive again. Dr. was relieved when I told him I had her keys. She won't even move closer to me! She refuses to move into town! I live almost 2 hr.s away from her. It is frightning and frustrating, but that's my Mom and you can't change her mind. the more you argue the more she refuses.

  10. #10
    Super Member weasier22's Avatar
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    Bless you for having your Mom live with you and your husband! Both my parents are gone and I miss them everyday!
    Live, Laugh, Love & Quilt!
    Weasie

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