Husbands...boyfrineds and such regarding quilting
09-22-2011, 04:27 PM
#201
Super Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 1,341
Jennie sorry for your loss of your friend. Wish I could have been there to help show her she would have been better off without him. I have walked her walk maybe even plus some and it wasn't easy so I seriously can say.
Betlinsmom, no one has said if you're being physically abused just stand there and take it. Just the opposite! There was no mention of physical abuse only verbal, in the original post, when the fry pan was used. If there was any physical force then by all means grab whatever you can, otherwise leave the relationship as it will probably get worse. You can leave when he isn't there if you can't leave when he is.
It seems Clsurz was lucky it worked for her(glad for her it did!!)but for many this could cause worse problems. I do respect the way Clsurz pointed out to her friend's husband that his wife's interests were as important as his. Honestly she sounds like she has a quick mind and would be a blast to be around. Yes we all, need to stand up against abusers and support the abused. Those being abused need to get out. It is a deep hole to get out of and lots to fight along the way. You have to fight your feelings towards that person(believe it or not even though you're being abused, at first there are still feelings), fear of that person, fear of not being able to make it on your own, fear of not being able to take care of you kids, fear of what others will think of you, ...............
To anyone who tells me not to judge what I don't know....well you don't know me or what I have been through and I still stand by what I have written, based on what was written. A fry pan to the head, for verbal abuse only, is WRONG.
Betlinsmom, no one has said if you're being physically abused just stand there and take it. Just the opposite! There was no mention of physical abuse only verbal, in the original post, when the fry pan was used. If there was any physical force then by all means grab whatever you can, otherwise leave the relationship as it will probably get worse. You can leave when he isn't there if you can't leave when he is.
It seems Clsurz was lucky it worked for her(glad for her it did!!)but for many this could cause worse problems. I do respect the way Clsurz pointed out to her friend's husband that his wife's interests were as important as his. Honestly she sounds like she has a quick mind and would be a blast to be around. Yes we all, need to stand up against abusers and support the abused. Those being abused need to get out. It is a deep hole to get out of and lots to fight along the way. You have to fight your feelings towards that person(believe it or not even though you're being abused, at first there are still feelings), fear of that person, fear of not being able to make it on your own, fear of not being able to take care of you kids, fear of what others will think of you, ...............
To anyone who tells me not to judge what I don't know....well you don't know me or what I have been through and I still stand by what I have written, based on what was written. A fry pan to the head, for verbal abuse only, is WRONG.
09-23-2011, 06:15 PM
#203
Super Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: my heart is in texas, philly and london
Posts: 4,756
i told my husband my terms of contract soon after we started dating. 1) be on time, i don't wait.
2) hit me once. make it good. i won't be there for a second hit.
3) you may have 1 affair. you will not have the balls to have another.
4) what's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine.
35 yrs later i haven't had to enact any of them. guess it's working. i would no more hit my husband than i would let him hit me. we are adults, we don't ask permission, but we do communicate about things that are needed and have priority over what is merely wanted.
2) hit me once. make it good. i won't be there for a second hit.
3) you may have 1 affair. you will not have the balls to have another.
4) what's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine.
35 yrs later i haven't had to enact any of them. guess it's working. i would no more hit my husband than i would let him hit me. we are adults, we don't ask permission, but we do communicate about things that are needed and have priority over what is merely wanted.
09-23-2011, 06:24 PM
#204
Super Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Outer Space
Posts: 9,319
Originally Posted by nancia
i told my husband my terms of contract soon after we started dating. 1) be on time, i don't wait.
2) hit me once. make it good. i won't be there for a second hit.
3) you may have 1 affair. you will not have the balls to have another.
4) what's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine.
35 yrs later i haven't had to enact any of them. guess it's working. i would no more hit my husband than i would let him hit me. we are adults, we don't ask permission, but we do communicate about things that are needed and have priority over what is merely wanted.
2) hit me once. make it good. i won't be there for a second hit.
3) you may have 1 affair. you will not have the balls to have another.
4) what's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine.
35 yrs later i haven't had to enact any of them. guess it's working. i would no more hit my husband than i would let him hit me. we are adults, we don't ask permission, but we do communicate about things that are needed and have priority over what is merely wanted.
:thumbup:
09-23-2011, 10:18 PM
#205
Super Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: my heart is in texas, philly and london
Posts: 4,756
i think it only fair that i add this little bit to my answer. sometimes we communicate AFTER i've gone shopping and satisfied a couple of wants. he gets frustrated that some bill may have to go a little short, but he always still loves me, and knows i don't do it on purpose, just on impulse.
10-09-2011, 12:36 PM
#207
Super Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Behind my sewing machine
Posts: 7,202
My husband is the same...I am the one that feels guilty here and there...but I never buy what I can't afford...I was always a saver for many, many years...Quilting has thrown me off a bit...but I don't spend what I can't afford. 29 happy years...I still can't believe he goes to the quilt shops with me...I do like going by mysef better... I can spend hours in there...
My relationship with my husband is like yours -- we support each other completely.
I just get so MAD when I hear that others are not so fortunate - it shouldn't even BE about fortune, it should just BE that husbands and wives respect and honor each other!
Originally Posted by JulieR
Originally Posted by Peckish
I must be very lucky, the situations described in this thread are totally foreign to me. My husband supports my hobby and will sacrifice things he wants so that I can have what I'd like. I strive to do the same for him. Enabling each other's hobbies makes for a happy marriage! :D
I just get so MAD when I hear that others are not so fortunate - it shouldn't even BE about fortune, it should just BE that husbands and wives respect and honor each other!
10-09-2011, 01:11 PM
#208
Super Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: my heart is in texas, philly and london
Posts: 4,756
my dh is being really supportive, too. since he brings in all the money i feel it's respectful to ask if we can afford for me to buy whatever. he's very happy i'm quilting and happy, so he tries to free funds up whenever possible. but since he's in charge of the finances he's the expert to ask. when i was earning money, too, i always chose how much i was going to spend and there was rarely a discussion and the bills were always paid, etc. being retired pre-social security is not a picnic since i'm accustomed to being financially independent. thank goodness he is pro quilting!
10-21-2011, 08:27 PM
#209
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 3,213
Originally Posted by clsurz
To the handful of you who have responded that my using a skillet across his head is ABUSE.... you know not what you are talking about!
Anyone that knows me I'm a fun loving person, and although big and tall I'm as soft as a teddy bear. There come a time that we all have to stand up for ourself and take action.
The way to stop abuse is to take action which I did. It only took one time.
As for my being hauled to jail would never have happened...why! Because he was a police officer at the time and he would have had to explain to the chief and the judge why I bonked him on the head and most likely would have or could have lost his job. They also would have made fun of him allowing a women to whip him.
Also the fact that I'm a Marine and male Marines taught me to grow a pair helped me to deal with him as though I was a man.
Just because a person takes action to stop any type of abuse does not make that person an abuser themselves.
As for marriage I've always said once is enough even in the good times. If hubby were gone to heaven or if we had ever divorced I never would have gotten married again. Once I put a stop to his verbal and mental abuse he changed. We have been together almost 35 years and I did my deed more than 20-25 years ago.
My marriage was never all that bad compared to what some women go through but than again I'm not the type to sit back for long and allow someone to be abusive towards me or anyone else for that matter.
When I was in the Marines I'd often see women Marines allow there so called boyfriends to verbally, mentally and sometimes physically abuse them and if they did it in my presence that male Marine never did it again.
Sometimes as someone else mentioned here a couple times we ladies have to grow a pair to be on equal footing with these silly men. If you confront a man like a man it will put a stop to there foolishness.
I remember once a male Marine telling me negative stuff and I in my still small voice stated "I'm more man than you'll ever be and more women than you could ever possibly handle". Of course all the male Marines laughed at what I told him and basically said "looks like she grew her a pair and took yours and ground them up".
When it comes to abuse of any kind weather a man doing it to a woman, or reverse there comes a time that like or similar measure needs to be taken to put that person in there place and some measures have to be more drastic than others. That does not make the person defending themselves an abuser as well but in any court of law is called SELF-DEFENSE.
I also detest men that drink and abuse only when they are drunk and family and others say "oh he didn't mean it, or he didn't know what he was doing and some other stupid thing. He knew what he was doing all the while but just wasn't man enough to try it when sober.
Anyone that knows me I'm a fun loving person, and although big and tall I'm as soft as a teddy bear. There come a time that we all have to stand up for ourself and take action.
The way to stop abuse is to take action which I did. It only took one time.
As for my being hauled to jail would never have happened...why! Because he was a police officer at the time and he would have had to explain to the chief and the judge why I bonked him on the head and most likely would have or could have lost his job. They also would have made fun of him allowing a women to whip him.
Also the fact that I'm a Marine and male Marines taught me to grow a pair helped me to deal with him as though I was a man.
Just because a person takes action to stop any type of abuse does not make that person an abuser themselves.
As for marriage I've always said once is enough even in the good times. If hubby were gone to heaven or if we had ever divorced I never would have gotten married again. Once I put a stop to his verbal and mental abuse he changed. We have been together almost 35 years and I did my deed more than 20-25 years ago.
My marriage was never all that bad compared to what some women go through but than again I'm not the type to sit back for long and allow someone to be abusive towards me or anyone else for that matter.
When I was in the Marines I'd often see women Marines allow there so called boyfriends to verbally, mentally and sometimes physically abuse them and if they did it in my presence that male Marine never did it again.
Sometimes as someone else mentioned here a couple times we ladies have to grow a pair to be on equal footing with these silly men. If you confront a man like a man it will put a stop to there foolishness.
I remember once a male Marine telling me negative stuff and I in my still small voice stated "I'm more man than you'll ever be and more women than you could ever possibly handle". Of course all the male Marines laughed at what I told him and basically said "looks like she grew her a pair and took yours and ground them up".
When it comes to abuse of any kind weather a man doing it to a woman, or reverse there comes a time that like or similar measure needs to be taken to put that person in there place and some measures have to be more drastic than others. That does not make the person defending themselves an abuser as well but in any court of law is called SELF-DEFENSE.
I also detest men that drink and abuse only when they are drunk and family and others say "oh he didn't mean it, or he didn't know what he was doing and some other stupid thing. He knew what he was doing all the while but just wasn't man enough to try it when sober.
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