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Thread: About marrying the BF...(might be long and corny)

  1. #1
    Super Member Butterfli19's Avatar
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    Having this time alone has allowed my mind to reach conclusions without me really knowing I had to. That AHA! moment, or actually, a few of them.
    I feel so clear-headed now, so in control, and I don't want to lose that by putting me aside for someone else.

    What is important in my life is me, my kids, my job, planning for retirement by sewing things for sale - starting that side biz now. When I retire I don't want to work part time for anyone but me, otherwise, what's the point of retiring? BF seems to be OK with that but I don't feel that he is, you know? I don't want to live with him or anyone else right now. Maybe never. My kids will never be second with any man in my life and I wouldn't want to be placed above his. He should also have a plan; it's important to have a plan, it's like a dream put to paper, an achievable goal.

    It isn't that I'm scared to get married I just don't want to. Ta da! :D

    It seems to be all about being in control of your own life. Not letting other people win when it goes against what you want because if you want it that much and it bothers you that much, it is probably a need, and needs are necessary to survive; they become more powerful in content but less in number.

    Yeah, alone time is good.





  2. #2
    community benefactor Knot Sew's Avatar
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    Yes it makes sence He may leave after a no. Think about that. Kids will not put you first as they mature. Just a thought :D

  3. #3
    JJs
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    I can tell you the same thing I told my grand-daughter:

    "Don't sacrifice yourself on the altar of someone else's needs"

    In other words....
    "You gotta go where you wanna go,
    Do what you wanna do
    With whoever you wanna do it with.
    You gotta go where you wanna go,
    And do what you wanna do
    With whoever you wanna do it with." (Mammas and Pappas)

  4. #4
    Super Member Butterfli19's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ruth Camp
    Yes it makes sence He may leave after a no. Think about that. Kids will not put you first as they mature. Just a thought :D
    This is true but that's OK because then I get to come first. I've never lived alone - parents house, husband, kids. Now son is almost 17 and he'll be here for awhile which is fine.

    Right now I don't want to make a lifetime commitment to any man.

    btw, Ruth, I love your saying.

  5. #5
    Moderator tlrnhi's Avatar
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    I've always told my girls ....you cannot be truely happy unless you yourself are happy first.
    So, make yourself happy and if that means that the man in your life has to play 2d fiddle, then he can either 1...get with the program or 2...find another program.

  6. #6
    Super Member sewjoyce's Avatar
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    Sounds as if you have made a major decision in your life!! Go for it! If you don't want to live with BF, move him on out and don't let him talk you out of it!!

    Stay strong and do what YOU need to do for yourself!


  7. #7
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    If it doesn't "feel right" then don't

  8. #8
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    Sounds like a perfect plan to me!! And you seem very content. :D

  9. #9
    Power Poster Ninnie's Avatar
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    Butterfli, if it doesn't feel right, then it isn't! As women we have a built in alarm system and it doesn't steer us wrong. If it was to be, you wouldn't have all the doubts! Good luck and stick to your plan.

    Ninnie

  10. #10
    Super Member Shemjo's Avatar
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    Doesn't it feel great to just be able to breathe! Without waiting for the other shoe to drop!

    Listen to your heart! Remember a woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle!

    :lol: :lol: :lol:

  11. #11
    Power Poster MadQuilter's Avatar
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    The instant that you realize your mind is clear and you KNOW what you want to/need to do is amazing, isn't it. A focused mind is a powerful thing to behold. Who knows, if BF is meant to be, he will work within your parameters. If he leaves, then HE wasn't IT.

    (BTW, I gave one of my BFs a similar speech. He decided to hang around and we have been married over 32 years.)

    Happy trails.

  12. #12
    Power Poster Mousie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shemjo
    Doesn't it feel great to just be able to breathe! Without waiting for the other shoe to drop!

    Listen to your heart! Remember a woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle!

    :lol: :lol: :lol:
    Sharon, I just love that! It's so finny! (ok, that was worse than cheesy...lol...I admit it...
    but nobody saw me, so they can't prove a thing!) :wink:

    butterfli: you sound like a woman who has had an epiphany! :thumbup:

  13. #13
    Super Member Butterfli19's Avatar
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    I do feel good and I love all your words of wisdom, finny or not! It's a strange feeling, liberating in a sad way. I've peeled off a layer of me and exposed something I didn't know was there. Surprise!

  14. #14
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    Good for you. I've lived alone as a widow for 25 years. I was 34 when hubby died. He was 35. My 3 kids were raised by a single parent. Have I missed the companionship and sharing? Yes. Do I enjoy my life as is? Yes. To get married again, it would have to be someone VERY special.

    Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed married life ... but over the years, I enjoy single life too! No one responsible for me except me! And you're right ... working for yourself is what its all about.

    Congratulations ... you've had an epiphany! :lol:

  15. #15
    Super Member SaraSewing's Avatar
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    I can certainly make sence of your explanation. I was single (divorced) and my kids were first too. Then when I found the right man, it was pretty amazing that my 4 kids and his 3 kids blended so well. I isn't like having to make a decision about who is the most important. I know that I am probably one of the blessed few, but I have a wonderful mate, and my kids love him too, they don't feel like they are now second place. His boys were not sure about having to share dad, but they soon realized that having a mom around was pretty sweet too.
    Most of all, no matter your decision, be committed to it, make it a decision that will work for you. There are as many relationships as people, and when it's right, you'll be happy. Just make sure that the goals are in harmony, and no one has to sacrifice.

  16. #16
    BlueChicken's Avatar
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    Epiphany is the word that struck me too.... those moments of total clarity are few and far between, maybe so that when they happen we really do stop and listen. :-)

    Go for it dude... you have your head on straight and you know exactly what you want. And those who really love you will appreciate that is what you need.

  17. #17
    Moderator littlehud's Avatar
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    I'm glad after have so many misgivings you have found your way. Follow your natural instinct and don't let anyone else lead you astray. You know what is right for you and stick by your guns. I decided when my marriage ended that the single life was what I wanted. I raised my three kids and have never been happier. Maybe someday I will change my mind, but for now this is right for me.

  18. #18
    sajackson's Avatar
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    I to - went from parents home to married home...but this year I've been with my DH for 45 years! I don't know what my life is without someone. I admire your strength and fortitude. I don't know if I'd be that strong. I say if anything were to happen (God forbid) I'd never get married again. Don't get me wrong...I can't imagine my life without him - and don't want to try it.

    But for each of us we have to be true to ourselves. IF he is the right one he will understand and be there for you as you walk through this journey.

    Good luck to you...HUGS

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