BF / marry relationship going sour fast - I must have User Apply Here stamp somewhere
06-06-2009, 07:11 PM
#22
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: SW Iowa
Posts: 32,855
Originally Posted by JJs
do you ever watch "cops"? yes, this is a relevant question....
when two people live together they establish a HOME, an address, a residence... if you've ever watched cops then you'll know what I'm getting at - even if YOU pay the rent or YOU own the home, if the other person has established RESIDENCE in YOUR home, you can have a heck of a time getting them OUT of your home...
so be very careful about setting up housekeeping with somebody else
same goes for renting property to somebody or even giving them permission to stay at your property for any length of time
when two people live together they establish a HOME, an address, a residence... if you've ever watched cops then you'll know what I'm getting at - even if YOU pay the rent or YOU own the home, if the other person has established RESIDENCE in YOUR home, you can have a heck of a time getting them OUT of your home...
so be very careful about setting up housekeeping with somebody else
same goes for renting property to somebody or even giving them permission to stay at your property for any length of time
06-06-2009, 09:36 PM
#23
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Northern Indiana
Posts: 20,306
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
You just have to be stronger than he is stubborn... its hard, but lean on your friends here and at home ! I have been there done that and it is no fun, especially if you try not hurting their feelings, but they don't seem to care about our. Its never easy , someone always gets hurt, no matter what
Sharon
You just have to be stronger than he is stubborn... its hard, but lean on your friends here and at home ! I have been there done that and it is no fun, especially if you try not hurting their feelings, but they don't seem to care about our. Its never easy , someone always gets hurt, no matter what
Sharon
06-07-2009, 04:31 AM
#24
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: Port Angeles, WA
Posts: 12,675
Your a very sweet, warm, kind gal kiddo and don't let him or anyone use you. If your not happy about this guy, then he's not the one for you. I'd break it off then ignore all calls, texts etc. from him. He'll get the idea. Not sure on the text, but can you put him on ignore?
06-07-2009, 05:00 AM
#25
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 17,636
whoa! he sure cooled his heels, when you said no.
He actually put it out there, when he said, "HE" couldn't live alone on s.s. in future!
I don't blame you for how you feel.
I'd just let the whole thing drift right on down stream. I would't settle, for somebody wanting to scarf up my retirement either.
My mom has had these kinds of boyfriends, and they develop health problems, and then their kids are no where around, but they get the inheritance, if there is one.
Nope, sounds like a sponge-job, to me...that's sponge0bob, when he gets older, lol! :wink:
tain't funny though. These types, can really soak up, your hard earned dollars, and be a burden. You were smart not to marry. He may have even been hoping, you'd kick the bucket first.
He actually put it out there, when he said, "HE" couldn't live alone on s.s. in future!
I don't blame you for how you feel.
I'd just let the whole thing drift right on down stream. I would't settle, for somebody wanting to scarf up my retirement either.
My mom has had these kinds of boyfriends, and they develop health problems, and then their kids are no where around, but they get the inheritance, if there is one.
Nope, sounds like a sponge-job, to me...that's sponge0bob, when he gets older, lol! :wink:
tain't funny though. These types, can really soak up, your hard earned dollars, and be a burden. You were smart not to marry. He may have even been hoping, you'd kick the bucket first.
06-07-2009, 05:08 AM
#26
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 17,636
Originally Posted by Butterfli19
He's the first guy I've dated in about 11 years, after 14 years of a cheating husband.
I can't be mean because I'm too nice. Not in a doormat way (anymore) but in a Planet Happiness way. I hear it all the time and don't like it too much.
First seemingly nice guy to pay attention to me, dote on me, want to be with me, but he's too inconsistent and changes his mind to what I say, so, I feel I can't trust him. He's a nice guy, fun to be around and smart, but just not the guy I want to relationship-commit to, because of his inconsistencies.
I don't want to do things for the wrong reasons anymore and don't want to hurt people, but sometimes I wonder what the heck is wrong with me.
I can't be mean because I'm too nice. Not in a doormat way (anymore) but in a Planet Happiness way. I hear it all the time and don't like it too much.
First seemingly nice guy to pay attention to me, dote on me, want to be with me, but he's too inconsistent and changes his mind to what I say, so, I feel I can't trust him. He's a nice guy, fun to be around and smart, but just not the guy I want to relationship-commit to, because of his inconsistencies.
I don't want to do things for the wrong reasons anymore and don't want to hurt people, but sometimes I wonder what the heck is wrong with me.
It sounds one sided, but hidden under a veil of niceness.
It would change dramatically with a move-in or marriage.
If he could move-in and get you to a financial place where you feel that you 'need' him to make it...he would be riding the gravy train. He already lives with ppl to make it, and looking for his next one.
You don't have to be mean...you sound like me...it would bother you too much,...and you do work with him. I would just let-it-go!
If he persists, tell him up front and forthright...NO!
Thought about it, from all angles...your a nice guy, and deserve someone that wants all the same things you do...so NO THANK YOU!
06-07-2009, 05:13 AM
#27
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Location: Florida
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Originally Posted by butterflywing
06-07-2009, 05:15 AM
#28
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Location: Florida
Posts: 17,636
Originally Posted by butterflywing
don't be unkind at the workplace, but run him, don't walk him, to the nearest exit! If your office has a no-dating rule, be careful. if not, don't hesitate to report harassment to your office manager. at all times, CYA.
you are a wonderful, warm and loving woman with a lot to give. don't waste it.
you are a wonderful, warm and loving woman with a lot to give. don't waste it.
that's golden, right thar!!!! :wink:
06-07-2009, 05:16 AM
#29
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 17,636
Originally Posted by Ruth Camp
Tell him you don't want to make a mistake and would like to date other people to...if he wants to pay for a dinner or semething go...you said you liked him for a friend so keep it at that....be busy a lot...he will get it and you won't have to bash him...he will think everything is his idea :roll: :roll: :roll:
06-07-2009, 05:23 AM
#30
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Location: Florida
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Originally Posted by Butterfli19
I haven't read everything posted yet but wanted to update you all.
We talked and I told him it really wasn't going anywhere because we don't want the same things, don't have the same future plan, and really don't have too much of the same interests, and I feel it would be better to be friends rather than a couple.
He proceeded to tell me how he felt and what I said and what we decided and that he didn't understand. (He does understand it just isn't what he wants to hear so he keeps saying that to keep the conversation going.)
I asked why is it always about him, he said it isn't, I said -he said- I said- he said...Fine, whatever you want, fine, he says. I then asked 'you will not let me go, will you?' 'Not as a friend', he says. I didn't like that too much. I say I have to hang up. Fine. He sends me a text - You made me very upset. Sorry our dating didn't work for you, I'll try to be a better friend. I will always love you.
This is (usually) my cue to call him and say, no, it isn't that, it's just...
But instead, I went and dug in the dirt for 3 hours then took my son out to an early dinner.
Much nicer.
Now I'll go read what you all posted. Thanks, by the way. It really helps to know I can come here and talk to you all, that we all can.
We talked and I told him it really wasn't going anywhere because we don't want the same things, don't have the same future plan, and really don't have too much of the same interests, and I feel it would be better to be friends rather than a couple.
He proceeded to tell me how he felt and what I said and what we decided and that he didn't understand. (He does understand it just isn't what he wants to hear so he keeps saying that to keep the conversation going.)
I asked why is it always about him, he said it isn't, I said -he said- I said- he said...Fine, whatever you want, fine, he says. I then asked 'you will not let me go, will you?' 'Not as a friend', he says. I didn't like that too much. I say I have to hang up. Fine. He sends me a text - You made me very upset. Sorry our dating didn't work for you, I'll try to be a better friend. I will always love you.
This is (usually) my cue to call him and say, no, it isn't that, it's just...
But instead, I went and dug in the dirt for 3 hours then took my son out to an early dinner.
Much nicer.
Now I'll go read what you all posted. Thanks, by the way. It really helps to know I can come here and talk to you all, that we all can.
nobody is that loving and nice all the time. AFTER, his real self will come out.
Good for you, that you got up and went out with another man!!! lol!
I bet he is the best one in your life!
too many other fishes in the sea...and if not...trust me, I have seen it...your better off, with your own space, time and money. you will not like yourself, if you get into something that drains you.
I think you are on the right track, and we are probably all repeating all the stuff, you have already figured out. Just want to give you a big thumbs up :thumbup:
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