From cradle to grave in one institution after another vs cradle to grave at home
#23
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Normal, IL
Posts: 563
When our only son was little we used to take him to restaurants and movies. One theater had a cry baby room he just slept through the movie! We took him to restaurants so he would know how to behave in one. We even had a baby carrier on my husbands bike. We used to take him to the base to go shopping. When he was older he worked at the skating rink on Lakenteh Base in Japan so he could buy his own TV and record player.
#24
Super Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Grants Pass, OR
Posts: 2,071
My mom and dad stayed at home. My sister gave up her nursing career to stay with them. I went to their home in Puerto Rico 4 times a year to give my sister some time to go to the beach and visit with her family in NY. They were pretty stable and did not get dementia until the end and that was probably caused more by heart problems than anything else. They both died peacefully at home. My MIL was another story. She had dementia for about 10 years and went from being a nice gentle soul to being a terrible tyrant with a vocabulary that would shame a sailor. We had caregiver after caregiver quit after she hit them or spit at them and never mind about the names she called them. She was vicious with my DH and but for some reason spared me other than racial epithets. She became sneakier and sneakier and escaped from the house repeatedly in the night. One night we found her by our pond. We lived on a ranch and very few neighbors and it was frightening when she escaped although we had latches and locks all over the place. She threw food and although she was continent she would do her business on the floor and step in it so it went all over the house. When my DH retired, this stopped somewhat but it was insane at our house. We had no visitors because we never knew what would happen when they were there. We ended up being prisoners. My only escape was to go to work part time so that we could afford the caregiver. After 7 years, she went to an assisted care facility. We were very active with the facility and I have to say they were wonderful. I went twice a week and taught a quilting class for the residents and staff. My DH visited daily. We are grateful for the assisted living facility/nursing home. When she deteriorated further, she went into the nursing home part of the facility and we visited there frequently too. It makes a difference if you go there to be with your family member. I hate to say that when she passed it was a blessing because we still miss her and love the her that was before the dementia kicked in.
#25
#26
Super Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Central NJ
Posts: 5,571
Struggling with dad's future care as I type. Very tough year for him medically. I am currently with him (several states from home) so that sis can have a break. Two sibs are local to him and 2 of us are not. Tough situations as well as choices. Each person...those needing care and those providing it....have different needs and circumstances. What is right for you and yours may not be the same for me or any of our neighbors. We can only hope to make the best decisions based on available information at the time. Sometimes those decisions might need go be reevaluated after time, but only time will tell.
Deep breaths. Repeat many times per hour. Change is tough.
Deep breaths. Repeat many times per hour. Change is tough.
#27
Super Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Central Willamette Valley, Oregon, USA
Posts: 7,695
As the grandmother of a child with autism I've learned not to judge the parenting of others. Decisions are made based on individual circumstances. This also applies to my two parents in assisted living. I know my limitations and could never give them the care they're getting.
#28
Super Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Sonoma County, CA
Posts: 4,299
I don't have children so I'm living on the assumption that when DH & I get old enough we're going to have to arrange for a paid caretaker or live in some sort of assisted living facility. I am trying to save up accordingly, so I can end up somewhere decent in my sunset years. I'm hoping some sort of personal assistant robots will be a reality by then, to help prolong my self reliance period, but who knows what will happen? I hope my niece and/or nephew will help keep an eye on us so we won't be taken advantage of when our minds start to lose touch with reality, since we won't have kids of our own to watch out for us.
There's a really nice senior assisted-living facility in my area that puts on an annual quilt show. It is very nice and clean and they have lovely gardens, and the residents seem happy and active. I hope I can afford somewhere like that, when it's time for me to live with help! I wouldn't mind living there now! LOL
There's a really nice senior assisted-living facility in my area that puts on an annual quilt show. It is very nice and clean and they have lovely gardens, and the residents seem happy and active. I hope I can afford somewhere like that, when it's time for me to live with help! I wouldn't mind living there now! LOL
#30
Power Poster
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Corpus Christi, Tx.
Posts: 16,105
Sometimes the individual can choose, then there are often times someone else has to make the choice for the individual. May not always be preferred but often needed. The consequences are often not to the liking of others.
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