Have you ever wanted "permission" to - -
#22
If someone gives me something it is mine to do with what I want. They have no holds or terms of agreement in passing something on to another person.
I have a friend who used to do this all the time, As in "I'll give you this fabric but you have to promise to use it, and use this pattern too." That is not giving or gifting. That is a control issue. She doesn't control me any more.
Once I give something to someone, it is theirs to do with what they want.
peace
I have a friend who used to do this all the time, As in "I'll give you this fabric but you have to promise to use it, and use this pattern too." That is not giving or gifting. That is a control issue. She doesn't control me any more.
Once I give something to someone, it is theirs to do with what they want.
peace
#23
Power Poster
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: MN
Posts: 24,646
I still sort of cringe when I see someone post something like -
My grandma's aunt gave these blocks to my grandma, and then my grandma gave them to my mother, and my mother gave them to me - I hate them - but they were from family - what should I do with them?
My grandma's aunt gave these blocks to my grandma, and then my grandma gave them to my mother, and my mother gave them to me - I hate them - but they were from family - what should I do with them?
#25
What is the circumstance under which you accepted the 'gift project'? Were you asked to finish it for someone, with or without compensation? If it didn't appeal to you then you should have said 'no, thank you' at the time of the attempted gifting. Why would you take something you didn't want to do?
If you took it with great intentions and later changed your mind, you can always give it back and say you just really are not finding the time to work on it. End of story.
Or is there some sort of control issue under which you accepted the 'gift'? In any case, if it's causing you guilt, get rid of it.
If you took it with great intentions and later changed your mind, you can always give it back and say you just really are not finding the time to work on it. End of story.
Or is there some sort of control issue under which you accepted the 'gift'? In any case, if it's causing you guilt, get rid of it.
#26
Super Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Maine-ly Florida
Posts: 3,926
Keep in mind that most "gifted" unfinished quilts are only gifted because someone else got bored or frustrated with it. Giving it to you releases them from the burden and and makes it yours. I do not see that as a gift, I see it as an offer. With an offer, you are free to say no. I have enough trouble finishing what I start, finishing what another has begun is even worse to me. Offer it to the local gold to be finished for charity, or throw it out. You have my permission. Now doesn't' that make you feel more relaxed?
#27
Power Poster
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Southern USA
Posts: 16,396
Sometimes a guild member won't ask me they just bring me a ufo and say I know you like stars and I know I won't finish this so I brought it to you. When this happens I say thank you and donate it as is to Salvation Army in my DD's town. My town is too small to donate it in town. The quilter will see it. LOL
#28
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Pueblo, Co
Posts: 663
I'm 73. My children are adults,with adult children. Although my only responsibility is my husband, he can take care of himself quite well. I no longer feel I should put my happiness aside to make someone else happy. No is a word I find I can say easily. But it must be said in a way that feelings are not hurt, ei: "My, you are such a dear to think of me, but no I cannot accept this.
#29
My daughter and I have an up front understanding. If we get something we don't like or won't use we say so and the giver takes it back with no hard feelings. My sister and I have this same agreement.
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